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RECAPS BY SEASON
FIGHT THE FUTURE
6X08: RAIN KING
Recap by Bolissa
The Cherokee tribe performed rain dances to both induce precipitation and to cleanse evil spirits from the earth. The legend of the tribe holds that the rain summoned contains the spirits of past tribal chiefs who battle evil spirits in the space between our reality and the spirit world. It was also believed that elaborate rain dances could inspire the participants, as well as onlookers, to partake in extreme acts of worship. You will see none of that in this episode.
Kroner, Kansas. Valentine's Day. We open up to some cheesy Dollar Store Valentine's card and then we see someone's hand, with fake nails and whore-ish red nail polish, sign "Love, Sheila XOXOX" on the inside. Wow. A woman of many words. She places the card on top of some gift boxes with red wrapping paper. Hey! It's that chick from Saturday Night Live. Sheila's got big blonde hair and is wearing a red negligee. She lights some red candles and she's watching the home shopping network. She then changes the channel to watch the news and there's an upcoming story about two pandas in love. We then see the weather report. There's apparently a drought. Then this redneck dude who sort of looks like Bill Paxton, but not as good-looking, walks in and he starts berating Sheila for announcing their engagement in the paper. Apparently, it was supposed to be a secret. Yeah. Somebody needs to clue this bimbo in. Sheila agrees that money is tight because of the drought, but they shouldn't put their lives on hold just because it hasn't rained in awhile. Well, that's what she basically says. I'm not very good at writing hick-speak, so I'm just going to translate it into regular English. NotBillPaxton thinks they should call off the engagement. On Valentine's Day. Kick this guy to the curb. Sheila gets upset and tells him that she has a feeling that it'll rain soon. NotBillPaxton says that he needs time to think. He then looks over at the table and sees an opened box of chocolates and some empty wrappers. "Oh, look at that. And you wonder why your ass is so big." He then walks out. Classy. NotBillPaxton gets in his car and drives off. Sheila sits on the couch, looking at their engagement announcement and turns on the radio. She surfs the stations until stopping at The Carpenters' "Rainy Days and Mondays." NotBillPaxton is listening to the same song in his car. He's drinking and driving. Ooh, that's naughty! It then starts raining. We see Sheila sitting on the couch and crying. Hmm. Sitting at home alone, listening to The Carpenters and pigging out on chocolate candy. That's pretty much like every night at my apartment. So NotBillPaxton... you know what? I'm just going to call him Daryl because we've all seen this episode before and we know what his name is. So Daryl is driving in the rain and he's all excited, then it turns to hail, he loses control of the car and crashes into a pole. Or a tree. Whatever. He's in pain and then a huge piece of hail knocks him in the head and he passes out. We then see that the hail are huge heart shapes. By the way, The Carpenters are still going strong.
Credits. Jeffrey Bell wrote this episode. He might've peaked here, because I don't know if The Goldberg Variation is necessarily an improvement.