SEASON 1

SEASON 2

SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

< PREVIOUS

Mulder is convinced that Sweetness is a serial wife and baby murderer and is exercising his biological imperative. Huh, huh, huh, he said biological imperative. Scully asks the question on the tip of all our lips when she questions Mulder as to what motive Sweetness has for these crimes. Mulder says: “Because they’re demons, and he wants a normal child.” Oh, now we get it.

Poopydoo II is sleeping peacefully, her glass of warm milk empty. It’s demon redux with the fire and the monster, but quelle surprise! Poopydoo II just sits up and grabs the demon by the throat, which is, of course, Sweetness, and just asks him what he’s doing. I like her more and more. No one is more shocked by this development than Sweetness.

Mulder and Scully are tearing along in their Taurus, obviously on the way to rescue Poopydoo II. Mulder is on the phone and driving at the same time (that’s illegal here) and must have gotten directions, because he chucks a big U-ey, telling Scully that Sweetness’s employer has a second address for him, which they surmise is a second wife. Suddenly, there are lights in the middle of the road. They narrowly avoid an accident with Poopydoo II, who is covered in blood and driving Sweetness’s car. Our heroes get out of the Taurus and find Poopydoo II obviously distressed and staggering toward them in the light from the headlights. She says, “He took my baby. He took my baby.” Mulder and Scully look concerned and compassionate as Poopydoo II drops Sweetness right in it.

Next scene, Mulder and Scully turn up to Poopydoo II’s house, along with a shitload of backup. Now that’s not something you see every day. The house is dark, but the door is unlocked, so they enter, flashlights at the ready and guns out. The house seems deserted, but the subtitles for the hearing-impaired tell me that a TV is playing, with a man and a girl talking, the girl calling the man Daddy. Some old TV show or movie is playing.

Cut to outside, where Sweetness is digging up the yard in a frenzy. Mulder and Scully advance on him, Mulder telling him, “It’s over.” Sweetness tells Mulder that a family and a normal life was all he ever wanted. Like I said before, this is The X-Files. There ain’t a hope in Hell of normal. You are on the wrong show, buddy. Mulder asks him where the baby’s at, but Sweetness just says, “How could she do this to them?” and keeps on digging. Mulder tells him to put the shovel down and that his lies won’t work any more. Sweetness says: “My lies? What about her lies?” Scully says he can’t hope to bury the truth to which Sweetness replies: “I’m not burying anything. I’m digging it up.” Mulder is being uncharacteristically dense, and keeps asking Sweetness about the baby, which Sweetness is insisting Betsy took. Sweetness tells Mulder that Poopydoo II isn’t like Poopydoo, but he is cut off by the three bullets entering him shot by Deputy Arky. I’m guessing he’s still pissed about his sister being in a coma. Sweetness is convulsing on the ground and Scully calls for the paramedics. Crying, Sweetness says: “I just wanted what everyone wants.”