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Cape Cod Cape Of Cods.The driver keeps coughing and Paddy blames the cough syrup. Pan to the cough syrup.

LBO: Home Of Pencils In The Roof, Hidden Cameras, And Not One But Two "I Want To Believe" Posters. Anyway, Scully reads over the victims' files and makes some unstated observation.

Scully's Apartment/House Of Kidnappings, or some rearely sean windowed section of the LBO. Voice-over. Two things are still unexplained. The A-word. And the other A-word. Arsonist. Specifically, his intimate relationships with the victims. (Not that intimate. Get your mind out of the gutter.) She thinks it's because he's so socially inept that he tries to get close.

The scene changes to Cape Cod, where Paddy paints the swingset and ask the creepy blond boys, no longer in suits, if they want to see a magic trick. Oh. Your. God. He does know the Amazing Maleeni. Paddy does the whole stupid "Changed My Mind" schtick when asked about the trick, and I notice that one of the Haley Joel Osment Impersonators has braces. Hey, I saw Harriet Harris's hideous teeth in the last episode, so I'm gonna be staring at people's mouths for a while. Paddy makes the kids promise not to tell, and I promise not to tell that his Bad Irish Accent snuck through his Bad Bostonian Accent for a little bit there. Paddy makes the cigarette disappear and reappear, lit and half-smoked, out of his ear canal. Between the Ice worms and this, some guy over at 1013 clearly has a thing for ears.

Arson Squad Lab. Scully asks CASG about the A-word, and CASG says he may be starting fires without any A-word at all. Don't give up your night job, CASG.

Back to Cape Cod, where Paddy's cigarette lights on its own. Paddy tries to pressure the kids into smoking, and tobacco companies around the world launch a class-action lawsuit against Chris Carter and 1013 for trying to get kids to smoke before they advertised this way for themselves. In the nick of time, Wife calls out and is all "Driver's sick. Take us to Boston tonight and you may raid one eighteen-dollar Snickers from the minibar." Paddy likes Snickers, so he does it. The family walks back to the manorm and paddly glares. Pause the episode at the right moment here, and it looks like Paddy is a balding version of Krycek. But nowhere near as hot.

Scully Voice-Over Of Impending Doom. Arsonist: single, obsessive about people he can't have. I'd like to finish this recap (time check: 6 hours, 23 minutes), but I have to go turn myself in for being an arsonist. Crimes planned, immigration checks, blah blah urinalcakes. Right on cue, the data arrives.

Rainy Downtown Vancouver, pinch-hitting for Rainy Downtown Boston. Mulder tells Wench that the guy is a freaky pyrokinetic. I call Jessica and tell her to bitchslap Exposition next time she sees him. I then realise I have half an episode left, plus more recaps to go, and put her on speed dial. The family have no real protection aside from their ill bodyguard/driver. so Mulder and Wench agree to set a trap. Wench makes a not-so-subtle attempt to flirt with Mulder - which even I pick up on.

Venable Plaza Hotel Of Eighteen-Dollar Minibar Snickerses., 5:15pm. It appears they used a different font for this graphic for some reason. Scully calls Mulder, who is anticipating having his hands full. Either Wench has gone to get an emergency boob job, or her manly appearance is hiding something even more masculine. Going to Hell now. Krycek, quit hitting on that prosthetic arm technician and come with. Now I really am going to Hell. Scully looks fed up, either because of what Mulder said, or because of what I did. After six-and-a-half hours of nitpicking accents, the script, and British lingo, I vow to finish this tomorrow morning.

After two months of forgetting about this almost entirely, I return to the recapping process, but it's only later that night in Bostonian time - 6:47pm, as the wonderful graphic tells us. Thanks, post-production guys! The family leaves their limousine, but not before Wench ducks out to "climb Mulder's fire escape". We see Paddy get out of the drivers seat. See, he does love Snickers!