SEASON 1

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SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

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Cut to some guy at UPenn, who tells them that Howard's organs have been shipped far and wide. However, he's got some leftover bone marrow, or something, so he'll confirm the donor's identity for them. For probably seven thousand dollars. Seriously, I sometimes wonder how much some of this crap costs. Just call me Chesty Short, I guess. (Hey! Bitches.) Also -- Dude! The UPenn Guy In White Coat Having Something To Do With Organs Or Something is totally the funeral-home director from Bad Blood. Repeat business! Heeee.

Par-tay at Haunted Parts-Manufacturing Company Of Murder And Deception! It's Lauren's farewell party. Lauren's wearing a sweater vest with what looks like big embroidered multicolored Christmas trees on it (of course she is). Jane, who is played by another of those wonderfully regular-looking Canadian actors that I love so well, calls Lauren over and hands her her final paycheck -- "I made them rush so you could have your check before you leave." Oh, Jane. You do love to hand over paychecks. Or paycheques, as you probably call them. She gets a little teary about Lauren's departure; Lauren laughingly hands her some champagne. Oh, many's the champagne serving I've slurped out of those assembly-required plastic champagne cups. Good times. Ain't no party like an office party with free booze! Also, it sounds like they hired a jazz pianist for this shindig. Man, who knew there was so much money in making parts? It's second only to making things and dealies.

Lauren wanders over to her desk and picks up a box of stuff. She's feeling a bit pensive, is Lauren. She goes to Howard's office and steps inside. Then she hears the door close, and -- uh-oh, it's effing Mr. Dorlund, looking as sexual-harassment-y as ever. He pretends to be friendly for about .002 seconds before launching right into a threat: He knows Howard "told [her]," and if "it" ever gets out he'll know who leaked it. What the hell is he talking about? BTW, Lauren is really pretty, I don't think I mentioned that when I was busy making fun of her clothes. This is Lisa Waltz, who I've seen in about twelve billion things but who I guess never really got famous. I've always liked her, though. Hey -- IMDB tells me she actually did grow up in Pennsylvania. Cool? I guess. Anyway, I'm paused on a particularly nice still shot of her so I thought I'd mention it. She's unusual-looking; she almost looks like a silent-movie star or something, or a doll, with those round button eyes. It's too bad about the whole, you know, thing with the '90s and its clothes.

Anyhoo. Back to Mr. Dorlund and his wig and his whiny threatening. "And you'll do to me what you did to Howard?" Lauren says bravely. "I know you had him killed. He told me." Dorlund looks creeped out, and Lauren blows by him and back out into the main office, where the party is still raging (OK..."raging" probably isn't QUITE the right word). She sits down at a desk and picks up the phone. And calls...Mulder, who's still chillin' at the tissue lab or whatever it is. "How soon can you be at my house?" she asks him. Wait, it's day where Mulder and Scully are. Is this office party in the middle of the day? Well, I guess maybe they knocked off early. Often at my office we start parties at 4. That way nobody has to stay a moment after 5 if they don't feel like it. Bless you, academia. Scully pops up to tell Mulder that they got a match -- Howard Graves is, indeed, very dead. Take that...one of you. I can't even keep track of who's pushing what theory in this episode anymore.

Lauren's house. She's packing a few final things, and -- oh, there we go, now it's completely dark. Man, I guess they couldn't be there very soon at all. Someone knocks on the door. Lauren tries to open it, but the bolt slides shut. Hey, what's the big idea, Graves! Mulder and Scully don't mean any -- whoops. It's not Mulder and Scully at all, it's...some other people, a man and a woman, who force their way in even though Ghost of Howard Graves helpfully zooms a kitchen chair up against the door. The guy is wielding a knife! Eeek! "Go run the bath," he says to his lady friend. Uh-oh -- we know no good EVER comes of that on this show. At least he doesn't ask Lauren if her hair is normal or dry. Light bulbs start bursting all around them while Lauren screams. In the dark, she tries to get away, and G. of H. G. pins the guy against the wall with a table. If poltergeists ever hold the Furniture-Sliding Olympics, Howard is going to be going home with a bunch of blurry gold medals. The woman decides to take off and tries to open the door. But a blurry...something passes by Lauren, and holds the woman against the wall. "NOOOOOOOO," Lauren wails, while the woman's throat ripples AS IF CRUSHED BY SOME INVISIBLE HAND. Lightning flashes! The guy wriggles out from behind the table and stares at his partner. Then...he gets punched in the face! By a ghost. Lauren, who's also somehow pinned against the wall, watches helplessly. Fake blood sprays everywhere.