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FIGHT THE FUTURE

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Speaking of Mrs. Budahas, Mulder and Scully are at her door now, looking hilariously pitiful and disheveled. But this isn't the same Mrs. Budahas. She's forgotten everything she knows about planes! Dear sweet God! No, actually what's changed is that she just wants them to leave her alone. She says her husband's fine. In fact, she says, he's resting at the moment and can't be disturbed. "Who is it now?" comes the unmistakable voice of a cranky Col. Budahas from inside. Busted! But seriously, you guys, next time you want to interview someone? Maybe you should try showering first. Especially you, Mulder. You hair is seriously goofy right now. Precious, but goofy. Mrs. B. shuts the door in their faces. Mulder starts ranting about how They've been here, threatened Mrs. B. or some such. Scully cuts him off, because she has had enough. Enough! Do you know how many step aerobics classes she's had to miss since she started this assignment? Do you know how many paperbacks borrowed from her mom are piled up on her bedside table? It's only been a couple weeks and already, this is completely RIDICULOUS! If she wasn't careful, this job could like, take over her entire life! Plus, she is really freaked out right now! She's been wearing the same outfit for eighteen hours, she just had to pull a gun on Clark Kent, and she knows, she just KNOWS that when they get back to Washington those jerks in the fancy office are going to give her that faintly contemptuous look again, like they can't believe she fell for this crap. Which she didn't! She is not falling for this crap! Mulder is a kook! A hot, charming, obsessive, annoying, charismatic kook! She is going out tomorrow to get a pedi and after that she's going to eat an entire pint of Phish Food FOR LUNCH, not after lunch, the regular one, NOT EVEN THE LIGHT ONE, BECAUSE THAT IS THE KIND OF WEEK THIS HAS BEEN. She is not getting sucked into this insanity. SHE IS NOT.

OK, now, I know that by 1993 word processors existed that didn't have the white letters on a blue background. However, the FBI is evidently too cheap to spring for them. Scully, with some truly horrific horizontal early '90s hair and a beige top from TJ Maxx, and as freckly as she's ever been, is typing up her report. Budahas was returned, though still no one knows what happened to him. There was some untoward business with flying lights and fake reporters, but who knows what that was all about anyway. She leans back and looks at the picture from the diner of Mulder's spaceship triangle. She is not getting sucked into this. She is...not. She's not? She's really not. Sigh.

Big red university-lookin' track. Someone in a cut-off Georgetown sweatshirt that I might possibly once have seen at the New York eXpo is running around it. Someone else in a suit is not running, just standing in the middle and being creepy. Mulder stops, panting, and catches sight of Deep Throat, then walks over. How did he get to the middle of the track without Mulder seeing him, you ask? I think you know the answer to that: ALIEN. POWERS. Man, when we get the episode about how the aliens can beam people into bathrooms and around athletic fields it is going to be SO AWESOME. I cannot wait. DT tells pretty, sweaty, squinty Mulder that his and Scully's lives may be in danger, and essentially tells him to stop being such a reckless jackass. He'll help Mulder, but not if Mulder is all spazzy about it. I have to point out here that Mulder's sun-squinty eyes are -- hold onto your hats -- exactly the same triangle shape as the UFOs we've been seeing throughout the episode. IT'S ALL FALLING INTO PLACE! No, but really, I've always thought that was neat. I love when Mulder is all squinty. And sweaty. DT, naturally, is pancaked to cool perfection. Mulder says that he saw something, but it was erased from his head. "Mr. Mulder," says DT in his gruff yet kindly voice, "why are those like yourself, who believe in the existence of extraterrestrial life on this earth, not dissuaded by all the evidence to the contrary?" Is this a trick question? Hm. Mulder thinks about it, then answers slowly, "Because...all the evidence to the contrary is not sufficiently dissuasive."

Deep Throat smiles: "Precisely." Then he walks away. Oooooookay! Thanks!

As DT is leaving, Mulder calls out, "They're here, aren't they?" DT turns around: "Mr. Mulder -- they've been here for a long long time." See, Mulder! Wasn't that helpful? This guy is awesome! You'll hardly need to do any investigating at all!

Psst: If he really wanted to be helpful, he could tell you that the aliens are buried in a dormant viral state deep inside the earth, and will eventually rise and try to enslave humanity. This will also have something to do with corn. And magic babies. See, now THAT is helpful. God. See, I can hook you up. I'll need one hour alone with you per week in that plaid shirt. Bring the workboots. Did I mention there are also bees? I didn't? You might want to start writing this down.

So, This UFO Thing -- Let's Just Quickly Get That Cleared Up, Shall We?