SEASON 1

SEASON 2

SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

Recap by As An Amoeba

Ah, Deep Throat. This is one of my favorite episodes of all time, for so very many reasons that we'll soon review. One, though, is that it's sort of the first "real" episode -- that is, the first one after the pilot. It's got the opening credits, Gillian's gotten her Scully haircut, and we're through with the introductory exposition bit. Mulder's a weirdo and believes in aliens because he thinks his sister was abducted. Scully's supposed to follow him around and write down stuff about what a loon he is. They're both hot. Commençons!

Vancouver. Sorry -- "Idaho." More specifically, the southwest part, and we are told that we're "Near Ellens Air Base." A bunch of army-looking guys (oh look -- they're MPs, Military Police. Check it out, this recapping thing is going to make me actually pay attention to stuff other than the schmoopiness of Mulder and Scully and force me to use my brain to figure out what's going on beyond "Some army guys are chasing them for some reason." Sweet! This will be educational. As in, it will give me a deeper understanding of The X-Files. Oh good! Just what I needed) are busting into a house, guns drawn. A woman who, I’m pretty sure, is contractually obligated to appear in at least 12 XF episodes per season is all upset, running through the police barrier and yelling that it's her house and she wants to know what's going on. (OK, fine, it's Gabrielle Rose and she's only been in two XF episodes, and two Millennium episodes. And in Taken. And in The Sweet Hereafter, I forgot about that. MAN, is that a depressing movie. A good one, though. In any case -- she's been in a lot of stuff. In Canada.) Army Guy -- sorry -- MP Guy tells her that her husband, one Lieutanant Colonel Budahas, has commandeered a military vehicle or some such. He's being crazy, is the issue. They aim to stop him. They run for the house. They break down the door. They run through the house with the yelling and the kicking and all of these things. They kick in a bedroom door and stop -- there's Col. B., huddled on the floor in naught but tighty whiteys, shivering and looking freaked out, and covered in a weird rash. The MPs back off in puzzlement. And...OPENING CREDITS! Because it's a suspenseful teaser! Paranormal Activity! X-Files! Yay!!

Big old helicopter shot (? I should mention, here, that I know next to nothing about TV production. So if I throw out some technical term like "two-shot" or "closeup" or "boom" or "craft services" or "extras" or "special effects" or "makeup lady" or "sets" or "costumes," and you think I'm full of it, I probably am) of DC. Sadly, we don't see any pandas. Tai Shan wasn't even a glimmer in Tian Tian or Mei Xiang's eye back then. There's some rather pretty Mark Snow music that doesn't, for once, sound as if it came from Fight the Future. Because the Fight the Future score wasn't even a glimmer (a tinkle?) in Mark Snow's ear back then. Man, this was the olden days. Before pandas, before FTF. Oh, I hope we get to see a hilariously giant cell phone in this episode.

So, we're in a bar, and look! It's Special Agent Dana Scully. There's something different about her from the last episode...oh, I know! She's just stepped out of a salon. Her hair's a little lighter and quite a bit shorter than it was in the pilot. What a sparkly flower pin you have on your lapel, there, Scully! That is oh so fashionable. Remember when six years from now you started wearing tight leather jackets and untucked blouses to work? Yeah, I like you better this way. Look at those giant Harry Potter glasses. You're so serious! A serious federal agent! With a pinstripe jacket! And a lot of hairspray. Though only the second largest amount of hairspray of the two main characters on this show, as we'll soon find out. So. Our young Agent Scully is waiting for someone. Could it be...a lover? HA HA HA HA HA. No. We have kicked Ethan Minette to the curb in post (see? "Post"!), and our girl is officially not going to get any action until at least season 4, or, depending on how you interpret various oracles like pantyhose and open-bathroom-door pants-zipping, possibly season 7. Or, hell, possibly never. Maybe she's never had sex and she got that baby from a magic pill that Cancerman gave her while she was unconscious in En Ami. Like one of those plastic capsules that you put in the water and it grows into a giant foam dinosaur. Or from aliens! Yes, that must be it. Good old aliens.