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FIGHT THE FUTURE

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Now we have what is, quite honestly, one of my favorite scenes in the whole series. It really epitomizes the show for me -- the two of them, staring at something crazy, both awed by it in their different ways, he trying to soak it in, she trying to figure it out, not fighting, not eyerolling, just standing on a hill together and staring at something incredible. I know I keep this fact very well-hidden, but I don't normally get all that excited about the mytharc aspects of this show. Every once in a while, though, it gives me a chill and I really, you might say, get it. This is one of those times. Go ahead, pause the DVD right on, say, 16:45, and tell me that isn't the quintessential X-Files shot.

So they're standing together on the hill, watching the sky over the air base. These two bright lights are zooming all over the place. Honestly, this is not bad CGI. It looks unrealistic, yes, but I think that's the point -- it doesn't look like anything we recognize. "What are they?" asks Scully. "I don't know," says Mulder. "Just keep watching -- it's unbelievable." She does, and it is. Then the lights disappear, and another light shows up. This light is bigger, and it has an engine noise, and then it has a searchlight and it's definitely of this earth.

And then, wouldn't you know it, two teenage urchins, both in their early '90s Pacific Northwest finery, burst out from behind some bushes and try to run off. They are quickly collared by our most special of agents, and everybody hides from the helicopter until it buzzes away (to patrol some secret cornfields, no doubt). Then the kids start giggling, because they are stoners, you see, and also one of them is Seth Green, who evidently starred on some sort of vampire-related television show that I think, though it's very hard to discern this because nobody will really talk about it, has something of a cult following. I do wish someone, anyone, would offer an opinion on whether or not it would be worth my while to watch this program. Shame, really. Anyway, it's now 5:02 am, and Mulder and Scully are treating Mr. Green and his lady friend to a dinner-slash-breakfast of burgers, which, despite being stoned out of his gourd, Seth has cut his portion of neatly in half. He's such a good kid. They're at a diner called Erik's, which has a cactus on the logo. Are there really cacti in Idaho? Maybe there are, I don't know. Idaho, it seems, has potatoes, cacti, AND beach groves, in addition to the secret military bases and triangular alien spaceships. It's a land of many contrasts.

While the stoners are stonily relating the tale of how they like to "kick back" and "listen to some tunes" while watching the UFOs (and mentioning something called Yellow Base, where "they're supposed to store all this stuff" -- make a note, Mulder!), a car pulls up outside Erik's, and a STRANGELY FAMILIAR man, his face in shadow, says some mystery stuff into a walkie-talkie. Seriously, this isn't just me being dense this time. He says "I've got a 20," and the voice on the other end says "Roger, Redbird, assume fallback position, we're opening the cage." See? It's not just me! This stuff is murky! How am I supposed to know what a "20" is? Or "the cage"? I'm going to go back to "Some government guys or something chase them." Amounts to the same thing. I'm telling you.

Back in the diner, Seth is using his hamburger to demonstrate the UFOs' maneuvering capabilities. Because I always find this kind of thing morbidly fascinating, I'll mention Seth's line here as he theorizes that the UFOs are high-tech weaponry: "They'll probably roll it out for Desert Storm II or something like that. Cruise right over Saddam's house, you know? He'll be like, what? Heh!" Eeek. Still not as bad as the time they had the Lone Gunmen stop a terrorist from crashing a plane into the Twin Towers, though. Ulp. Mulder and Scully chuckle indulgently at this hilarity, and Mulder seizes the moment and whips out his Flying Saucer flying saucer. "They look exactly like that," Seth confirms as he looks at the photo. Well, that settles it! What are they going to do on this show once they've solved the whole alien thing? Can they really keep this going? I mean, can there possibly be, even in this big wide world, enough scary stories that Mulder and Scully will still have things to investigate? Only time will tell.

After dropping the kids off at the house (listen, you! That is not a euphemism, and you are disgusting), and after Mulder's indulged in a "Laaaaater, duuuude" that earns him some uncomfortable laughter and, I'm just going to guess, no street cred, he gets back in the car with Scully and puts in a cassette of royalty-free instrumental Rock Music. "Evidence!" he says, air-guitaring it a little. Hardee har har! Scully cannot believe she has to work with this pinhead. Seriously -- the girls at Curves are SO going to hear about this. Also, she is definitely going to have lunch with that sexy Tom Colton as soon as she gets back to Washington. "You believe it all, don't you?" she says. "Why wouldn't I?" asks Mulder. Scully flashes the dimples again. Doesn't this guy know ANYTHING? She totally learned all about pot in health class! It's also known as "weed," "grass," and "ganja." Also, did you know that a beer, a glass of wine, and a shot all have the same amount of alcohol? And that even if you're on the pill, you can still get an STD? "Mulder, did you see their eyes?" she says. "If I were that stoned..." "OOOOHH," Mulder interrupts, "if you were that stoned, what?" Scully suddenly thinks maybe Mulder knows more about pot than he's letting on, and starts to wonder if, in fact, he isn't about to push some drugs on her. "Mulder," she says, reminding herself that anyone who peer-pressures you doesn't really want to be your friend, "you could have shown that kid a picture of a flying hamburger and he would have told you that's exactly what he saw."