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FIGHT THE FUTURE

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As Mulder and Scully get off the elevator, a woman comes out of her apartment and asks for help. She tells them it's an emergency. I wonder if it's an alien? Or a liver-eating mutant? A mysterious shaman? Something that's, like, an actual X-File? Nope. As she leads our heroes into her apartment, and on into her kitchen, we see water from the sink spouting all over the place. Scully tells the lady that they're not plumbers. The lady tells them that she just wants the water shut off so she can go to work. She hands a wrench to Mulder. "Look, you've got to be stronger than me, right? Valve's under the sink." Oh, this has gotta be good. I mean, Mulder just screams Handy Man. Mulder holds the wrench and looks as though he'd like to hit the lady with it. Heh. "Your building super -- Henry Weems -- he isn't around?" Then the lady sarcastically calls him "Mr. Dependable" and says that it would be better to wait for Hoffa to show up. Then Mulder begrudgingly gets on the floor and under the sink. This isn't going to go well. I think we've all seen many times that Mulder and water just don't mix. Seriously. If he's not drinking drug-enhanced water that makes him attack Skinner and yell at Scully, elderly ghosts are trying to drown him in a shower or his bed is repeatedly leaking all over his bedroom floor . I think the lady should've given Scully the wrench. As Mulder attempts to shut the valve off, a young boy about the age of 12 or 13 comes in and tells him that he's turning it the wrong way. Hey! It's Shia LaBeouf. I like him. I used to watch his show on The Disney Channel, which I think started sometime in 2000. But maybe most of you will be more familiar with him because of Disturbia and Transformers. I think he's a really talented actor. If any of you haven't seen A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, you should check it out. Shia's performance is amazing. Anyways, Shia's mom tells him to go back to bed. Why isn't he in school? Don't tell me Mulder dragged Scully out to Chicago to investigate a non-X-File on a weekend! Geez. Scully would like to have a life, Mulder! Or at least take a bath. I'm warning you. You better get your asshattery under control before some old dude disguising himself as Scully's ex-boyfriend ends up in the hospital and makes Scully reconsider her life choices! Anyhoo, Shia reluctantly goes back to bed. Shia's Mom tells Mulder that he indeed is turning it wrong and he needs to turn it clockwise. "I know that," he snits. Scully looks down and you just know she's trying so hard not to laugh. A bolt or something pops off under the sink and water is now gushing out at Mulder's face. Scully covers her mouth and probably bites the inside of her cheek, as she tries really hard to contain herself and almost breaks. I would've been howling. But Scully and I are very different people. Mulder stands up and he's not a happy camper. He's soaked. Suddenly the floor creaks and Mulder goes crashing through to the apartment below. Mulder really does have some serious problems with water, doesn't he? Scully runs over to the hole in the floor and takes out her trusty flashlight. She asks Mulder if he's ok ay. He's sitting on the floor of the apartment below, water and debris everywhere. "Yeah, it's all right. My ass broke the fall. Guess who I found. Henry Weems, I presume?" We now see Henry, or Roach as he was once called, look up at Scully and he's got a black patch over his right eye.

One-Eyed Henry's Apartment. Mulder, who's drying himself with a towel, and Scully follow Henry inside as he tells them to "leave the plumbing to a professional." Mulder hands Henry the prosthetic eye and calls him "Cinderella." Scully asks Henry why he was hiding in a vacant apartment. Henry tells them that he was avoiding "you people" and that he's not going to testify against Cutrona. Scully then reminds Henry that he was thrown off a roof last night. Henry is non-committal and refuses to be sent off to "Muncie, Indiana, to milk cows." Mulder couldn't really care less about the Mob but he wants to know how Henry survived a "300-foot fall essentially un... harmed." As Henry pops his eye back in, Mulder makes a mildly grossed-out face. Henry muses that maybe the wind was just right, that he landed on a bunch of towels and it's not a big deal. "You got lucky?" Scully asks. Once again proving that we are different people, she doesn't elbow Mulder in the ribs. Henry guesses that he got lucky except he's got a bruise on his arm. Sidebar: Once I fell off Silver Bridge in the village I grew up in, you know the village that Donnie Pfaster chases me around in my nightmares, when I was in 8th grade. I landed on the bank and not in the water. Luckily I didn't break my neck or anything, but I had this disgustingly huge bruise on my leg. It was nasty. Just thought I'd share that with you. Anyways, Mulder offers some fake sympathy for Henry's bruise and then Henry tells them that he didn't get to keep his poker winnings. Henry then tells them that Cutrona thought he was cheating, which he wasn't but "[they] didn't hear it from [him]." Mulder asks him if he won a lot of money. He says "a little." Mulder then notices this machine type thing. I don't know what they're called but if you've seen the episode then you know what I'm talking about. Henry made it and he says it's a hobby. Mulder then pushes a lever and a little ball is released down a spiral slide-type thing and then drops, which rolls a spool of duct tape which flips something, releasing a lot of little balls which open a trapdoor that causes a little wooden man to be hanged. Mulder and Scully are both amused by this and Mulder asks Henry what it means. Henry's like, "Nothing. It's just a toy, moron." Since Mulder has to be Mr. McSmartyPants about everything he says that it's "cause and effect." Henry is all, "Will you just leave me alone?" and Scully asks him if he'd reconsider testifying against Cutrona. Why is this Scully's job? Is she suddenly working the Cutrona case? Henry says "No way, Jose." That's one out-dated expression. Does Henry like, get out much or even watch TV? Scully tells him that it would be in his best interest to testify and because Cutrona's already tried to kill him and he'll probably try again. See, I don't get that. Why would Cutrona want to kill Henry so badly? He didn't keep any poker winnings and it's not like he had a history of dealing with Cutrona & Co. Why would Henry be such a priority to Cutrona? Because Henry didn't really die and Cutrona is anal-retentive? Maybe. Why am I worrying about this? It isn't even an X-File. I should just go with the flow, here. So Mulder says that they can protect Henry. Henry is all, "You can't even fix a leaky faucet and I can leap tall buildings with a single bound. Or, you know, fall off them without getting hurt."