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FIGHT THE FUTURE

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SEASON 9

Recap by Bolissa

I'd like to start this with a huge Shout Out to As An Amoeba because she loves this episode and I hope I do it justice. Plus, she's really funny and I loved her recap of Deep Throat.

Let's see... do I have everything I need here? I've got my notebook, Diet Pepsi and some candy. Ok, I'm good. Well, I really have no idea what "Goldberg Variation" means. I know that there's a "Goldberg Variations" that was written by the famous German composer, Bach, and that it's really complicated. But I don't see how that ties in with this episode. Yet. Maybe as I recap this, I'll be struck by some kind of "epiphery"[/Michael Scott].

Chicago, Illinois. The teaser starts off with some dudes sitting around playing a friendly game of poker. Well, maybe we should scratch "friendly" since everyone around the table looks like a stereotypical Mafia Henchman. Except one guy, who looks like your average Joe. X-Philes will recognize him as playing Quinton "Roach" Freely in that most beloved episode from Season 3, The Walk. So they're all playing poker and the Head Henchman ends up getting four Kings. Pretty good. Roach ends up asking for five cards and the dealer gives him crap over it. Head Henchman lets it go since he assumes he's got the top hand and all. So Roach, or "Mr. Weems" as they're calling him, gets five new cards. Head Henchman puts four grand in the pot, the henchman to his left folds, Roach puts in four grand and raises four grand, the dealer practically has a stroke and folds. So that leaves just Head Henchman and Roach. Mano e mano. Then the Head Henchman would like to "make this interesting" and raises fifteen grand. Roach advises him not to do it because he doesn't need any more money. "You're going to need Depends after you see this hand," Head Henchman quips. To which I say, "Eyeroll." Roach adds his fifteen grand to the pile. "Now we show each other our cards?" I take it Roach is not much of a player. We now get a shot of a huge henchman sitting in the corner and hey! It's Tony Longo. He should be familiar to a lot of folks out there. He practically formed a niche out of playing big, tough airheads and/or softies. He's been in lots of movies and TV shows. Tony walks over and stands next to Roach. Head Henchman then lays down his four of a kind. Roach lays an 8 - Queen, all clubs. Wow, that's a really good hand. One could say that it was lucky. Roach is all, "Good game guys. I'm going home now. See you around." The others are quite pissed that he's taken their money, apparently $100,000 of it. According to Head Henchman, they expect him to stick around and give them a chance to win it back. I never knew that was a rule to poker, but like I said earlier, I wasn't expecting this to be a friendly game. Anyways, Roach is sorry he can't stay but $100,000 is all he needs. So, he'd like to know where he can cash out. Head Henchman looks at Tony. Next thing you know, Roach is now in an elevator with two other henchmen. One of them pushes the button for the 29th floor. Roach is all, "Dude. Shouldn't we be going down?" They all end up on the roof, Roach drops his grocery bag full of chips and the henchmen drag Roach to the ledge. "Guys, this is not what I meant by "cashing out"!" Um, Roach? What did you expect would possibly happen when playing cards with such nefarious characters? Apparently, this is what happens: the henchmen throw Roach off the roof, a la Billy Miles. The camera follows Roach as he falls through an open grate in the sidewalk. A couple minutes later, he climbs out and limps away, holding his arm over his right eye. Wow, he's lucky!

Credits.