SEASON 1

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SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

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We are in the middle of a mildly amusing prom night anecdote of Scully's (though the fact that it's Scully's story upgrades the entertainment value of the whole incident tenfold) and as she finishes, "Mulder" correctly estimates that she usually does not tell him stories like that. "No, but I am discovering a whole new side to you Mulder (...), I like it" she tells him with a smile. And this is why I hate Van Blundt. Poor girl, intoxicated as she may be, is utterly glad about the improvement she thinks she has just achieved in the relationship to her partner. And about to experience one big biatch of a shock. Van Blundt transitions to waxing nostalgic and asking Scully whether she ever wishes things had turned out differently. And Mister smooth makes his move, scooting closer to her on the sofa, moving his face ever closer to hers. She does not speak or move back. Their lips are mere inches apart, and even now, on my tenth re-watch, it's all I can do not to bite my own sofa in anger and frustration and maybe even a bit of pity for poor, poor Scully, as FINALLY the real Mulder kicks the door in (flying pieces of jamb and all), looking rather disarrayed and more than a little shocked at the scene playing out before him.

But that is nothing compared to Scully, who looks from the real Mulder in the door to the fake one inches away from eating her face,and then yelps and slips off the couch from underneath him, quick as a flash, and looks on in horror as Van Blundt performs his one and only onscreen transformation from Mulder back to Eddie. Oh, I so wish she'd just punch him right now. Or Mulder would, for that matter. Maybe he did. Off-screen. Seeing as so many things will happen off-screen in the future, let's just assume that Mulder kicks his arse big time after the scene closes, yeah?

One month later finds Eddie in the "Cumberland Reformatory". Mulder drops by for a visit with Eddie. He does not look like a happy camper. Go figure. Eddie, however, is wearing a head that reads "Superstar". He says his therapist thinks it would boost his self-esteem. Self-esteem my arse, the therapist does that to torture him. As would I. And as if the fact that he has to run around in the loser had wouldn't be enough satisfaction to us, Eddie further delights by telling us that the other inmates beat himup and steal the head whenever he wears it. And Eddie gets a new one from his Therapist every week. What's the name of that Therapist? I'd like to send a Christmas Card. Mulder is definately fighting to surpress a grin here. Don't Mulder! Let it all out!

It seems that Eddie has called Mulder by to give him some last piece of advice. However, he smoothly wins his sympathies first by telling Mulder That "I am a loser by birth. You are one by choice. I don't get it." Hear hear, Eddie. Truer words have never been spoken.

Well apart from stating obvious truths about Mulder, Eddie also wants him to live a little. Treat himself. Which, also, is good advice. There must be something in teh food at the Cumberland Reformatory.

On this thought, Mulder leaves the visiting area to find Scully – who is quite busy studying her obviously very interesting shoes - waiting outside. "I don't imagine you need to be told this, Mulder, but you're not a loser," she tells the floortiles. Oh, you filthy little liar, Scully! He so is. And so are you. And we love you for it. Because on some level, we're all losers (how poetic.. I must write that wisdom down for my autobiography). Mulder retaliates be saying "Yeah, but I'm no Eddie Van Blundt, either." But you could be, you silly coward! If you are refering to a certain line of action Eddie took. Which I know you are, because you are a mean bastard, and this is all very embarassing for Scully. Oh, but don't worry, you two, by next week, all this embarassment and frustration will be forgotten, and you can start afresh on square one with that UST of yours. No seriously. No, seriously, this is how the show works.

And we close on one of the inmates wearing Eddie's hat.