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SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

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Meanwhile, Eddie gives his personal data to some faceless Deputy who, let's face it, is definitely in for some paranormal crap or other at the hands of Eddie, seeing as he is all alone with him. Generic Deputy 17b seals his fate by forgetting the silent "H" in Eddie's last name Van Blundht. Everybody forgets the silent H. Eddie seems to be staring at the Deputy quite intensely, and unless I have suddenly dropped into a Will and Grace version with ugly people I am pretty sure something dramatic is about to happen (and also, because I have seen this episode about ten times already). And sure enough, just as the Deputy says "All right, Mr Van Blund-hut" – which is so what I would do – and turns his attention back to Eddie, he as well as the audience is shocked to discover that he is staring at his twin (who we all assume is Eddie, who has changed his appearance off-screen to safe 1013 heaps of money). His evil twin who then proceeds to knock him out with the swear-jar (a pig in a police uniform), which is a nice touch, if you ask me. As the Deputy bleeds all over the floor, Eddie once more informs us that "The H is silent.". Somebody should consider anger management classes.

Next morning finds the cheeky Deputy shoved under his desk and Mulder and Scully back at the precinct, being informed by yet another police extra that he had seen the Deputy check out the night before, and is quite startled by the fact that he's obviously been silently bleeding the night away. The now re-awakened Deputy informs Scully that Eddie looked just like himself, the Deputy, just before he knocked him out. Huuuummmmm... With uncanny timing, just as the last pieces fall together in the experienced viewer's mind, Mulder rings the desk bell to not only catch Scully's attention in an extremely childish and thus endearing way, but also support our own enlightenment with a classic sound effect. Dude can change his appearance, huh? Well, let's wait and see what Fox has to say on this.

Actually, he starts off by saying "I have a theory, wanna hear it?" with a little excited grin that suggests that not only does he have a theory, but also an enormous chocolate cake to share with the rest of the class. Scully, however, can smell what the Mul is cookin' and rants off his entire theory – sans the enthusiasm- before he can even catch a breath. Van Blundt somehow changed his physical appearance to resemble the deputy before knocking him out and walking out the precinct, leaving no one the wiser. Mulder is obviously deeply impressed and suggests that they hit the road immediately to go and pick out china patterns. Heh. Grumpy McSpoilsport decides to trash the "moment" by whining why Mulder can't go for the obvious answer, that all the witness reports have been thwarted by either tiredness or a blow to the head, and that Van Blundt – and I'm misspelling on purpose – walked out without the Bounty Hunter performance. And thus I have delivered my own smooth transition to mention how Mulder tells her that they both have seen something like this before (see ugly bounty hunters with abnormal icepicks in earlier seasons), but however, he doesn't think Van Blundt is an alien, "unless they have trailer parks in space". Now, THIS is a show I would like to see on TV! Financially and intellectually challenged aliens playing their own version of mailbox-baseball... might explain the entire plot of "Independence Day".

And we're off to find Eddie at his home. On the way, Mulder poses the very much anticipated question of who Scully would like to be, if she could change her appearance for one day. And she decides to go for the lame-ass answer of "hopefully me" and then, to win some more time, elaborates on how looking like someone isn't equal to being that person. Which, honestly? Is the whole bloody point of the idea, Dana! Where's the fun in, say, "being caught" peeing in the Dean's coffee mug looking like my most hated college-rival, if I have to bear the consequences of that behaviour, too? Exactly, none at all! But even after she's grasped that concept, she amazes us by the thrilling choice of "Eleanor Roosevelt". Way to go, you punk! You really know how to live it up, Sculls! And to think that this is the role model of my early teen years. What a sad state of affairs. Mulder poutingly steamrolls that by saying that "You can't be a dead person." And I fully back him up.