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Over at the world-famed "Eastern Appalachian Regional Health Department", some female official pins chromosome sequences (or whatever...) onto the light-wall-thingies and rants off a bunch of medical facts which, frankly, I am too dumb to get in English. But hey, so is Mulder! Scully then clears things up for both of us by explaining that the 5 kids all share the same father, who probably has a tail of his own. He's gonna be a tough one to find. Mulder wonders how on earth this could have happened, and once again Scully steals away my snarky thunder by wisecracking the exact same stupid joke that was about to dance off my own tongue, for which she receives some honourary brownie points. Mulder's twist on the "Let's fall in love" lyrics following that, though? Ugh, jokes simply CAN be taken too far. Somebody whack him with the witty-stick, please. Well, at least he knows his investigative skillz and points out that according to medical record, all of the five married monkey-mums have received insemination therapy with the same doctor. "So much for not putting all your eggs in one basket!" he cracks. Yeah, you're better off having them stored in a test tube at your local conspiracy headquarters.

To the Batmobile!

In front of said Doctor's building, Mulder and Scully witness an angry couple storming up the stairs. The husband tosses a cocky "You, too, huh?" over his shoulder as they pass our agents. Hehe. I love when people think they are a couple. I am simple that way. Also, he calls his wife Babboo, so frankly, I think the baby with the tail was God's way of punishing those two. And damn right he was.

Inside, the angry mob of betrayed parents is busy assaulting the doc. In a very well-staged circle, that leaves just enough room for, say, a camera in the centre of events. How convenient.. Actually, Babboo-man looks suspiciously like Christian Bale on my tiny little TV, but thankfully is not. The doc suggest (played rather badly, methinks), thats the insemination might not have taken with any of them, seeing as he is certain he's only used sperm of the respective husbands. Which he'd damn well better be. Upon which we get yet another flat delivery of an actually at least decent line about her not having been with a man for ages from Babboo. Bad acting should be punishable by law. I think I'll put that in my world domination manifesto, too. In all the hassle, Mulder yet again follows his instincts and leaves the mob to further investigate a noise (!) down the corridor. As he turns a corner, we get a nice shot of Darin Morgan's (aka Eddie form before) plumber's cleavage. There are some things I don't need a few hours before bedtime. Mulder, however, spots a curious scar right above Eddie's butt crack, just where a tail would be. And the plot thickens...

Blah blah, Agent Mulder, FBI, couple of questions? And Eddie uses the moment to pull off the classic "Yeah, okay...NOT!" line of action and dashes off down the hallway. Mulder rolls his eyes and sprints his toned G-Man body after chubby little Eddie to a racy score and tackles him to an early fall, which causes both of them to slide dramatically right in the midst of the aforementioned angry mob. As Eddie struggles in vain, Mulder once again pulls down Eddie's belt and tells Scully to "check it out". Yuck. I know, this is about the scar, but still... Ew, is all I'm saying. Scully seems to be thinking along the same lines, judging from her expression, and slowly the monkey-mums gather around her, with an angry attitude quite of their own. "That's him?" asks one of them.

You betcha, he is! As next scene's five paternity tests show us. Eddie is in interrogation with Mulder and Scully, but to my great disappointment, they pull none of the classic cop-roleplays. Shame, really. Eddie, however, states that if he did have sex with five women, who all wanted children, but their husbands were unable, and now they do have kids, and everyone's happy, where would the crime be? "Hypothetically!" Which is the suspect's equivalent to telling your parents that "a friend" got knocked up during a drunken party night, what do they think "she" should do? He also seems quite insulted that nobody considers the idea that the women had consensual sex with him. Which Mulder and Scully simply ignore. For which I love them. The point is driven home by the fact that, once outside, Scully wastes no time in telling Mulder that "On behalf of all the women in the world" she highly doubts the consensual sex idea. Heh. Anyway, they'll keep him in custody under the suspicion that he's slipped the women the infamous rape-drug on some occasion or other, even though Mulder doubts that these women are the type to do much of anything without their husbands.


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