SEASON 1

SEASON 2

SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

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Logger Camp. Jackhole Steve is fixing the generator when he hears a sound nearby. He picks up his shotgun and goes to check it out. When he walks in the cabin he sees a strange guy eating all the leftover food. Jackhole Steve puts his gun on him. "Don't move. Who are you?" He turns around and we see it's one of the guys from that picture of the ecoterrorists that Mulder showed Scully in the LBO. That seems like forever ago, doesn't it? Jackhole Steve knows the dude. "Doug Spinney. I oughta shoot you where you stand." Doug looks rough, yo. He's all dirty and his mustache is a little too thick. It's a porn-stache. Dirty Doug Diggler tells Jackhole Steve that he "might as well shoot [himself] too. "Well if he says "monkey wrench" one more time, I'm gonna shoot him. Jackhole Steve wants to know what happened to the loggers. He has no idea what Jackhole Steve's talking about. "I don't know what happened to them. Probably the same thing that'll happen to us when the sun goes down." Dirty Doug Diggler and Jackhole Steve gaze at each other. Mark Snow pushes the "Cheesy 70's Porn Music" button on his Casio. Before they can experience Brokeback: The Sequel, they're interrupted by Mulder. "What are you doing?" Jackhole Steve gets all macho and spits "This animal is [Dirty Doug Diggler]. He's the man responsible for all the monkey wrenching. He's probably a murderer as well." AHHH! Shoot him! Where are those freaking bugs? Isn't it time for him to die yet? DDD snits "I'm no murderer." Jackhole Steve calls him a liar. They gaze intently at one another. Mark Snow's finger is hovering over that button. Scully whispers to Mulder, "you get the impression that we've walked into a porn film that's already started?" Mulder grins, "when is our scene coming up?" Heh. Ok, not really.

Mulder thinks they should hear what DDD has to say and puts his hand on Jackhole Steve's shotgun. Hee! Oh, dear. My mind's in the gutter now! Get out! Anyhoo, DDD thinks they should be worrying about fixing the generator because "darkness is our enemy." Jackhole Steve wants to know what DDD's yapping about. "Someone want to give me a hand?" DDD asks. Insert your own joke here. DDD and Hot Larry walk outside. Then Jackhole Steve starts bitching about following orders from DDD when he's the one who fixed the generator! He wants a gold star! Or at least a pat on the back! Is that too much to ask? Once outside, Mulder asks DDD what he meant by that "darkness is our enemy" stuff. DDD tells him "that's when they come." Scully wants to know who. "I don't know what it is. They come from the sky, take a man right off his feet and devour him alive. I saw it happen." Mulder and Scully share a look and Mulder wants to know who was devoured alive. DDD ignores him, starts up the generator and then says that he needs to eat because he hasn't eaten in three days. He walks back inside the cabin. Jackhole Steve is not impressed. "What kind of a B.S. story is that, huh? You believe that?" The rest of the gang tells him about the cocoon with the corpse in it.

Inside the cabin, DDD is eating some soup. Or stew. Whatever, it's not important. Mulder wants to know what happened. DDD tells him that four of them were camped two valleys over but there's only three now. "More rats for the wood pile," Jackhole Steve snits. I'm so glad he's gonna die soon. DDD says that their truck had a dead battery and they drew straws to see who would "hike over" to steal one from the loggers. "Why not just hike out?" Mulder asks. DDD says that it's "more than a day's hike" and they don't want to be out in the forest after dark. I don't know what's more irritating: Mulder and Scully's smiling, "monkey wrench-ed/ers/ing" or all this hiking talk. It's pretty close but Jackhole Steve's monkey wrenching wins out. Mulder asks DDD what they're doing out here. He says they were "camping." Jackhole Steve says that DDD's version of camping is a federal offense. Hot Larry says that DDD's a felon and he could be arrested. DDD gets snippy with Jackhole Steve, saying "What about the offense against nature you perpetrate?" Jackhole Steve says thay they obey the law but DDD tells him that his logging crew has been taking marked trees. Hot Larry is not pleased by this information. Jackhole Steve claims ignorance asks if they're all going to believe DDD over him. Nobody answers and he goes to leave. "You don't want to go out in the night. Take my word on that. It's out there," DDD tells him. Jackhole Steve isn't buying it. "Something's going to attack me, eat me alive and spin me in it's web?" DDD's like, "That's what I've been saying, numbnuts." Jackhole Steve cracks, "what, it's too polite to come in here and get me?" Good God, would you just hurry up and die already? DDD tells him that "it's afraid of the light." Hot Larry tries to get Jackhole Steve to listen but he's a stubborn jackhole. So no doing. "I think this man is a liar and a murderer and just clever enough to make up a story like that. Even whip up that cocoon just to save a few trees and I'm going to prove I'm right." He walks out and starts shouting. "I thought it was going to come and, uh, devour me! Hey! Here I am! Come out, come out wherever you! Aw, don't be shy!" As Mulder and Scully look on, Scully contemplates quitting the FBI and becoming a spokesperson for the Ab Roller. The camera pans across as we see those neon green static bugs crawling all over the darkened side of a tree. Jackhole Steve goes back inside the cabin, huffing and puffing. I think he wants to blow the house down, yo. Scully asks Mulder what he thinks. Mulder leans into her personal space. "I think I'm going to suggest that we sleep with the lights on." Scully grins. "Ooh. You know how I like it with the lights on."