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SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

Recap by Bolissa

Let me start off by saying that I hate insects. Bugs. Creepy-crawly things. They give me the wig like nothing else. I can handle blood and guts, no problem. That stuff never freaks me out. However, there are two things that gave me the most horrible nightmares growing up: insects and Donnie Pfaster. I used to watch those horrible B-movies like Killer Bees and Ants! and it traumatized me. The same goes for X-Files episodes surrounding bugs. They wig me out like you wouldn't believe. So why am I doing this recap? Well, I do actually like this episode. But maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. Which might be true because I seem to be recapping almost every episode that contains one Diana Fowley. ["And I seem to be editing all those episodes. - Raceguy]

Ok. Let's get this over with.

Olympic National Forest, Northwest Washington Sate. Isn't it convenient that the U.S. Pacific Northwest looks almost identical to British Columbia? As the teaser opens, a whole bunch of manly men loggers are arguing. Apparently there's something in the woods that's freaking them out. I think it's the lack of women. They don't look like the kind of guys who would be too thrilled at going Brokeback. "Let's face it, this thing could kill us all," Dyer says. You don't have to get so dramatic over it. Being gay never killed anybody! Wait...ok, nevermind. Some dude named Perkins says "We should've been gone two days ago. Nobody would listen to me." I think their will-power is giving way and they can't fight the gay. Hey! That rhymed. "Somebody has to go for help." They need to find a woman, I imagine. Some dude starts freaking out about being left behind. "We have to take a chance, one of us has to hike out!", Perkins says. Oh, no! Hiking. Ugh. I hate hiking. My parents would drag me and my brother up and down mountains and I grew to despise it. Anyways, back to our tale. Dyer speaks up "He might not make it down to the road before nightfall! Then what? I say we make a run for it, split up, take our chances!" Why before nightfall? Oh, I think I get it. Once it gets dark, the campfire goes out and it gets cold. Then dudes will be crawling into other dudes' tents and who knows what could happen?! And they need to split up, in case they can't resist the call of the gay. But Perkins then tells Dyer that it would mean suicide. Well, that's kind of a stretch. Do you think I'm reading the situation wrong? We'll see. The gang all decides that they'd like to make a run for it. They all run and it's basically a Loggers Free For All. They're all running and yelling and there's way too much testosterone in the air. Geez, when are we gonna get to Scully? Is it time for the credits yet? So basically everyone's running and then it gets dark. Uh oh! Dyer is running and then he falls over a tree branch or something. Perkins comes up behind him. Not like that you pervs! Get your minds out of the gutter. Perkins tries to help Dyer up but he says that he thinks something is broken. Oh, what a wuss. He didn't even fall that hard. Get up and quit complaining. Perkins lifts him and they walk a little ways before Dyer falls on the ground again. "We're not going to make it." Well, he sure gave up on the hetero easily. But I don't think Perkins is in the mood right now, Dyer. All of a sudden there's this humming static sound. Perkins and Dyer look up and there's these green static things flying through the air straight for them. They start screaming as Mark Snow kicks out the hot new jam "Attack of the Green Static (We're Insects, Yo)" as the screen fades to a neon green color.

Credits. Do you guys think that those loggers were actually afraid of those static bugs? And not, you know, gay temptations?