SEASON 1

SEASON 2

SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

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Hot Larry's Truck. Scully asks why the loggers were working so far up into the forest. Jackhole Steve tells her because the trees are up there. Scully's like, "eyeroll." I slap Exposition awake. Time to get to work. Jackhole Steve continues "environmentalists have pretty much made sure that all the land you see here is untouchable. We're forced to take our timber where we can get it. Even then, we plant saplings for every tree we take." Mulder asks why they're targeted by the environmentalists. Jackhole Steve tells him that the "tree-huggers" are the offspring of all those guys who escaped the Vietnam War by high-tailing it to Canada. My dad almost did that, but the government never got close to his birthday so no need. Anyways, Jackhole Steve is under the impression that they and their tactics are "cowardly." At this moment, Hot Larry's truck hits something in the road and starts shaking before coming to a standstill. Hot Larry gets out and finds a "homemade tire spike." It can't be fixed. Mulder mentions a spare but then Jackhole Steve points out that another tire is busted too. "Monkey wrenchers call it a caltrop. The roads back here are littered with them. Indiscriminate terrorism. Can you imagine somebody putting these down or spiking the roads of Washington, D.C.? I'd like to see how much sympathy they get then." There's that "monkey wrenchers" again. Cram it, Jackhole. But he does make a point. How many people would be behind Al Gore if there were spikes all over the streets of Washington? Scully wants to know how they're going to get to the camp. Hot Larry proceeds to ruin everyone's day, including mine, by telling them "we're going to have to hike." Aww, man. Scully makes a face that exactly matches the one I'm making right now. "Can I take a nap now?" Exposition whines. Sure, why not? I'll wake you up if I need you. Exposition then mumbles something best left unsaid. ["Exposition, cram it." - Raceguy]

Logger Camp. I notice that Scully is decked out in a coat that's a similar shade of blue to her jacket in Detour. She must like that color. Mulder and Scully walk into the cabin and banter about food being left on the table. While Scully checks out the bathroom, Mulder finds a bag of weed on top of the refridgerator. Wow, the loggers must've been really terrified to leave that behind. Mulder also notices a greasy film covering some surfaces. Jackhole Steve asks if they found anything. To which Mulder replies "party favors" and holds up the weed. He then pockets it, pondering over different scenarios to get Scully good and loose. Jackhole Steve says that the generator is busted and that all the vehicles have been "monkey wrenched." Ugh. Here we go again. I can't wait for him to bite it later. Whoops. Oh well. You were all warned in the Spoiler Policy. Jackhole Steve then points out the broken radio. Outside, Hot Larry finds rice in the radiator of a truck and tells the rest of the gang that there's "sugar or sand in the crankcases." What's a crankcase? Does it even matter? No. Moving on. Jackhole Steve says that the sun's going to set in an hour and a half. Hot Larry wants to look around before it gets dark. Yes, you do Hot Larry. Yes you do. Jackhole Steve is going to try to fix the generator. Scully tells Mulder that he was "right about one thing", that Bigfoot wasn't involved.

Forest. Hot Larry, Mulder and Scully trek through the woods and come across this huge web-like thing laid horizontally up in some branches. It seriously looks as though Shelob has left Middle Earth and now resides in the Pacific Northwest. Scully wonders what it is and Hot Larry says that it "looks like a hive. Maybe a cocoon of some kind." Mulder asks what could make it. Hot Larry says that he's never seen anything like it before. Next thing you know, the pussy boys have hoisted Scully up in a pulley swing to check out the cocoon. Oh, no. This is when I start wigging, people. Mulder asks Scully if she can cut it down. "Yeah, I think so." WHAT? NO, Scully! OMG. OMG. OMG. Ewwww. NO! Scully takes out a knife and then I'm not sure what happens because my hands are covering my face. I peek out to notice that Scully sees human fingers sticking out of the cocoon. She looks like she might puke. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. OMG. Gross! EW EW EW EW EW!!!! Exposition wakes up and slaps me. "Get ahold of yourself, woman!" Ok, sorry. I'll try. I'm pausing the DVD to get up and get a drink. Hopefully my skin stops crawling... Ok, I'm back. Let's do this. So they managed to get the cocoon down and I'm glad we were spared that scene. But hold up, the grossness isn't over yet. Hot Larry takes a knife and starts cutting it open. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. OMG. I can't look. Oh that's right, it's just a corpse. No matter how many times I watch this episode, I always expect bugs to come pouring out when the cocoon is cut open. Wigs. Me. Out. Scully, ever the pathologist, just puts her hand on down there and feels around. "It feels, uh... it feels dessicated and hard and dry. Almost... preserved." Hot Larry says that its as though the body was embalmed. Scully's like, "I'm the scientist here, Park Ranger. The body's been drained of all its fluids." Scully feels around some more and says that she thinks it's a male. "Barely," Mulder quips. Scully gives him this look. I can't describe it. She just looks at him for a beat. Maybe she's wondering about that long-standing curiosity and when it will be satisfied. Not for a very long time, Scully. Anyways, Scully asks what kind of insect could've gotten a man way up in the tree. "Itsy-bitsy spider," Mulder says. I bet you he's thinking about Shelob, too.