SEASON 1

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SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

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SEASON 8

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LBO. Finally, we've come to the part where Mulder tells Scully about some weird case and Scully tries to reason with him into finding a non-paranormal answer. Mulder is rocking the projection screen. Apparently, all those loggers posed for a group photo before disaster struck. Scully wants to know what she's looking at. "Thirty loggers working a clear-cutting contract in Washington State. Rugged, manly men in the full bloom of their manhood." Scully's like, "Get to the point, Spooky." Mulder grins and says "Anything strange, unexplainable, unlikely... boyfriend?" Scully smiles. You know, Season 1 is so random. Don't get me wrong, it's a great season. But the tone is completely different from later in the series. Heck, Season 2 even. I guess this is probably due to the fact that this is pre-Scully's abduction, Melissa's and Bill Mulder's murders, and all those times Mulder died. But it's just weird. There's too much smiling going on. And I don't think Mulder would've made that "boyfriend" crack in later seasons. They ended up developing this unspoken understanding that they basically had a sex-less marriage. Well, at least it was sex-less for a good long while. There's a knock at my door. Hold on... Hey, guess who's here? It's Jessica's friend Exposition. Take a seat, my man. You've got some work to do. Anyways, Mulder tells Scully that it appears that all those loggers vanished. But there might be an explanation. He changes the slide and there's now a picture of two men. "This is Doug Spinney and Steven Teague. They call themselves 'monkey wrenchers.' The guys who drive spikes into trees, sabotage logging equipment and otherwise make life miserable for lumberjacks and lumbermills." I think that phrase "monkey wrenchers" will be used a lot in this episode and that it will increasingly drive me crazy. I have a hunch. Scully calls them "ecoterrorists or militant environmentalists." I wonder if Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio have seen this episode. "Right. Two weeks ago, the group of loggers I just showed you radioed a message that Spinney and Teague had gone on a spree. Spiking trees, sabotaging equipment, causing general mischief. One week later, all radio communication was cut off," Mulder yaps. Scully asks why. Exposition groans. Sorry, but Mulder ain't done yet. "No. The lumber company that employs the men has asked the Federal Forest Service to look into the matter. Two officials were sent in a week ago and no one has heard from them since." The FBI has been called to investigate. Scully wants to know why the heck they've been assigned. Missing loggers ain't an X-File, exactly. "In 1934, long before anyone even knew what an ecoterrorist was, a W.P.A. crew vanished from that same area without a trace. Not one of those men was ever found or heard from again." Exposition lays down on the couch. Dude, it wasn't that bad. And don't get comfortable. I might need you later.

Scully wants to know if Mulder suspects Bigfoot. Aww, she's getting the hang of it down in the basement. Go, girl. Mulder cracks that all those loggers might be too much flannel for Bigfoot. Scully smiles. See what I mean? With the smiling? It's bugging me. HA! See what I did there? With the "bugging"? Because this episode is about bugs. Get it? I catch Exposition rolling his eyes and I make him go get me a beer. Meanwhile, Mulder tells Scully that "it'll be a nice trip to the forest." Run, Scully! RUN!

Olympic National Forest. Mulder and Scully park their car and approach a Sheriff-looking dude going over a map on the hood of his truck. I'm assuming he's a Sheriff since this show is filled with Sheriffs. Mulder introduces himself and Scully. "Larry Moore, Federal Forest Service." Ok, I was wrong. He's not a Sheriff. He's a Park Ranger. Larry the Park Ranger tells Mulder that they can load their gear in his truck. "Must be pretty rugged where we're going, huh?," Scully asks. Wait a minute. Did she just bat her eyelashes? Scully's flirting with the Park Ranger! Well, he is pretty hot. So I can't blame her. Mulder doesn't notice, no surprise there, and instead comments on the bullet hole in Hot Larry's windshield. ["I'm guessing DD didn't notice because the actor playing Hot Larry is his childhood best friend, and the guy who convinced him to start acting. Thanks, Hot Larry Actor!" - raceguy10390] Hot Larry says that it was from a .22 caliber and Mulder's shocked. "There's not much to hunt around here with that type of ammo except Freddies," Hot Larry says. Scully's like, "Kreuger?" and then gives Mulder a dirty look for making her chase a fictional character through the Washington woods. "Employees of the Federal Forest Service. It's, uh, it's what the ecoterrorists call us." Maybe I'm just dumb or overly exhausted from working for 14.5 hrs but I don't see how you can really get "Freddies" from the Federal Forest Service. Anyways, Hot Larry says that he doesn't have a problem with the environmentalists but he doesn't condone their methods. Scully asks if they'd actually kill someone. "Well, there's thirty men up there unaccounted for, each with survival experience. Something happened to them," Hot Larry answers. Then this older dude joins them carrying this huge bag that he drops in the truck. He apologizes for being late because he was talking to the wife of an AWOL logger. Hot Larry introduces Mulder and Scully to "Steve Humphreys, head of security for Schiff-Immergut Lumber." He works for the evil lumber company! Deforestation is bad, yo. As he'll personally find out later. He shakes Mulder and Scully's hands and Mulder tells him their names. "Well, we've got a four hour drive ahead of us. Plenty of time to get to know each other," he crabs. Man, what a jackhole. As he gets in the truck, Scully close-talks to Mulder "get the impression that we've walked into the middle of a war that's already started?" and then gets in the truck. That line was weird. Mulder smiles at her. God, you two! Will you quit it with the smiling? ["Yeah! You're making "The Rain King" look like a dark episode!" - Raceguy]