SEASON 1

SEASON 2

SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

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While she’s expositing this, we find out that she and Jack dated for a year—he was her instructor at the Academy. Mulder’s kind of intrigued and I’m kind of worried a bit about Scully’s daddy issues. Scully remembers that she and Jack even had the same birthday, that they used to celebrate it together, but that Jack always found it so hard to unwind. Mulder wonders if she thinks he’s predisposed to this kind of psychotic episode, and Scully Scully’s that she finds that a lot more probable than his body being inhabited by Warren Dupree. Word.

Back with Warren/Jack (whom will henceforth be known as Whack). Whack is looking eeeevil and breaks into a guy’s apartment, cramming a gun in the guy’s face before the guy can sit up in bed. “You’re such a creature of habit, Tommy,” Whack says, to which Tommy says “Who the hell are you?” Oh, Tommy. He’s Whack.

Whack demands to know where Lula is, who apparently is Tommy’s sister. Tommy says that he was just waiting to see her on the news, and over on the Tubey, Lula’s mug appears, though the sound is busted (kind of like the boards sometimes). Not that it matters though, because Whack is all caressing the screen which is just gross and weird. I mean, I love both my boyfriend and my TV to the ends of the earth, but I’m not about to start fondling my TV screen, even if my boyfriend’s face is on it. I mean, A) … and B) Windex for Electronics is expensive, yo. Whack turns off the television moony-eyed, and proclaims to Tommy “I miss her so bad.” She’s why he came back, he says. Everywhere he looks, he sees her. Hey! Whack had a flash-forward to Gethsemane! Tommy points out that he’s bleeding—to which Whack replies that even ugliness is beautiful because of her. Which, not to cut on the actress that plays Lula, but, would explain a lot. Whack gets all beautiful on Tommy and accuses him of selling them out to the FBI and then… shoots him.

Crime scene: Tommy’s apartment. Mulder and Scully are there, along with fellow FBI agents and local cops. Mulder asks if the television was on when they found the body. As Mulder is about to dust the TV for prints, Whack shows up and starts giving the cop at the door attitude. Scully steps in to mediate and Whack flashes to her shooting him back when he was just Warren in the bank. I have to tell you, Whack (the character, and the guy playing him for that matter) is a great actor. Scully is up in his grill asking him what happened and where he’s been and he plays it like a pro. It’s funny—this actor (a classic Vancouver H!ITG) chews the shit out of the I-love-Lula scenery, but at everything else, he’s smooth as glass. In any event, he convinces Scully that he’s fine and to let him back on the case. They head back into the crime scene and sure enough, Mulder found a print on the TV that wasn’t the victim’s.

In the FBI shooting range, Whack is filling a paper target with holes as Mulder approaches. Whack tells him that he’s just trying to get recertified so they’ll give him his weapon back. Mulder tells Whack that he came down there because he thought that Whack might want to sign Scully’s birthday card, which Whack does. Clever, Mulder.

Back down in the LBO, Mulder slips the card onto the desk in front of Scully and she earnestly tells him that he’s two months early. Poor Scully. She hasn’t learned yet that Mulder only likes to celebrate her birthday every five years and then only with Hostess pink cream puffs and singing waiters. Mulder tells her that he had Willis sign it and that he signed it with his left hand, and if he remembers correctly, don’t Willis and Scully have the same birthday? Scully gets pissy that Mulder tested him, but Mulder tells her he did so only after finding out that the finger print evidence from the Phillip’s murder was missing—that someone stole it before the lab had a chance to test it. Scully’s all “and you think Willis took it,” and Mulder is all “I’m not even sure that Willis is really Willis.” Mulder asks Scully if she can’t at least accept the possibility that sometime during Willis’s near-death experience some kind of psychic transference occurred. Scully asks Mulder if he can’t accept the possibility that this isn’t an X-File. Oh, X-Files follow him around like forlorn puppies, Scully. But this is season one and you don’t know that yet. Scully reminds Mulder that despite having PTSD Willis passed both of his reinstatement tests—psychological and physical—and that just because someone forgets a birthday doesn’t mean he’s being possessed. She has a cute little sassy Scully moment where she tells Mulder that when she was studying for her medical boards, she forgot her birthday too. Mulder then has a decidedly non-cute sassy Mulder moment (I call it non-cute because when Mulder does it, he comes off as kind of a dick) where he asks if she forgot how to sign her name, too. He shows her an old signature of Willis’s and then the signature from the birthday card—they’re totally different. Scully chalks it up to stress.