SEASON 1

SEASON 2

SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

Recap by Slippin' Mickeys

Maryland Marine Bank, 5:55pm. Scully opens up a briefcase on a bank countertop, all business. “Relax, they’ll be here,” she says to an antsy looking man in a suit and trench coat behind her. He casually approaches her. “The bank’s gonna close in five minutes,” he says. “Sure it wasn’t a bogus tip?” Scully asks him, casually filling out a form like she’s a bank customer. The antsy looking man in a suit and trench coat is decidedly acting like he’s not a bank customer, but rather an FBI agent who’s there to make a huge bust. Which, if you couldn’t tell, is exactly what he is. “No, it’s real. I’ve been on this case long enough, I know the difference. Besides, I can feel it. I can feel them. I’m inside their heads.” Sounds like FBI guy picked the wrong X-Files agent for backup. “Just as long as you keep yours,” Scully says kind of like a mom, looking at him meaningfully. Aw. Scully’s pretending he’s Mulder. “Message received agent Scully,” he says, smiling and rueful, “loud and clear.” He’s definitely not pretending he’s Mulder. FBI guy, whos name we learn is Agent Jack Willis, checks in with HQ via one of those clear earpieces with the squiggly cord. Scully closes her briefcase. There’s a GUN inside!

Outside in what I can only assume is a back alley near the bank, a--I’m not going to lie--badASS late model muscle car is parked. Inside, a man loads a shotgun, all-business. His driver is a severe looking broad dressed all in black with really curly bangs coming out of her black knit cap. Oh, girlfriend. We all learned not to perm our bangs by seventh grade. She’s staring at the bank’s entrance, twitchy. Her gunman notices. “What are you, nervous?” He asks incredulously. “No,” she answers, “I just don’t want our luck to run out.” He puts his arm around her and says “Baby, you are my luck.” Oh, girlfriend. We learned not to fall for that one by grade nine.

“And whenever I look up at the stars,” he continues, looking up at the stars through the dirty windshield, “I know you’re going to be looking up at the same ones.” He totally stole that from An American Tale. She fingers the 3 day beard growth on his chin and moons back. “Same ones, baby.” God. Has she learned nothing in her life? She should have gone to my high school. Gun Man then grabs her and they make out, the camera zooming in on an anvil-icious tattoo of a dragon on his forearm. “You make every day like New Year’s Eve!” He tells her as he pulls away. If that means she makes it so he’s passed out by nine every night with runny mascara and a stupid paper hat, she’s not invited to my next party.

Lock and load. He busts into the bank with a scary-looking hockey mask over his face and yells the usual “everybody down!” rigamorole. In a pointed moment, he shoves the gun in Scully’s face and she sinks down on the ground as well. Agent Willis is up by the tellers and takes to his knees. The terrified bank workers start filling up the bags. Scully and Agent Willis make eye contact and both draw their weapons. Willis yells his name “Dupree! Drop the gun, FBI. DROP THE GUN!” Dupree is focused on Willis and doesn’t drop the gun. We see Scully make her way toward him from the other direction. Dupree makes like he’s going to drop the gun, but then DOESN’T! He totally shoots Willis! Criminal! Scully drops him. All that shooting in an X-Files episode and Mulder didn’t get shot once.

In the Emergency Room, a nurse drapes the sheet over Dupree’s face. Scully’s a good shot. One table over, the doctors are working on Willis—they’ve been working on him for a long time. Scully’s there. “Come on, Jack,” she says, in a voice that’s usually reserved for Mulder. The doctors tell her that he’s been flatlined for over twelve minutes. The nurse wants to give up, and the doctor asks her if she wants to pronounce time of death. (Is that legal? I don’t think a nurse can pronounce.) Scully’s having none of it and tells them that she’s a doctor (seriously, at first when the doctor asked if the nurse wanted to pronounce, I thought he was directing the question at Scully, which would have been just MEAN) and to go up to 400 like now, lady, did you hear what I just said? Nothing. Shocked again. Again, nothing. But this time, when Jack’s body arches from the shock, we see Dupree’s dead body arching in the background at the same time. It’s creepy and really cool. Nothing. Again. Jack arches, dead Dupree arches (and his tattooed arm falls out from beneath the sheet.) Aaaand, they’ve got a rhythm. Jack is back! Scully is happy. And Mark Snow’s Creepy Crawly String Plucks of Doom play on as we pan in on dead Dupree’s tattooed arm. Credits.