SEASON 1

SEASON 2

SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

Recap written by jennisaurusrex

Daylight. A car with a Maine license plate with a little girl sitting inside, clutching her doll, looking a little angry. Dude, I know it's way early for an aside and all, but can I just say that when I was younger, I used to hate being left in the car while my mom went in the store? It terrified me. I would lock all the doors and pop Madonna's "Immaculate Collection" into the tape deck and sing as loud as I could until she came back. I learned all the words to "La Isla Bonita" this way-- let that be a lesson. A lesson of what, I'm unsure. Anyhow, the little girl's mother (I can only assume) comes around to the passenger door and opens it, kneeling down to tell the little girl-- whose name we find out is Polly-- that they're just "going in for a few things". At the frame I've frozen the episode on while I write this, Polly looks like a demon child. Coincidence, I'm sure. Or is it? Mommy placates Polly by explaining that she needs some groceries. She also refers to herself as "Mommy", which skeeves me. Polly doesn't look really impressed with this plan, in any case. Mommy unbuckles Polly's seat belt and leads her by the hand, doll in tow, towards the store with a really worried look on her face. The people coming out of the store stare at them, including one lady in particular, whose eyeglasses are a "2" and an "8" away from being a New Year's novelty item. Polly looks back at her as they pass.

Polly and Mommy shuffle into the store and Mommy wheels a shopping cart rather hastily down what seems to be the baking aisle. Mm, cupcakes. They pass the meat counter, where the man behind the counter gives them a weird look and Polly whines, "I don't like this store, Mommy". Mommy explains that they'll only be a minute, but Polly wants to go home. Right on, Polly. How many times have I heard that "only be a minute" schtick before? Next thing you know, it's an hour later and you're sitting under a pile of canned goods with a numb crotch from a gallon of milk in your lap. Polly's doll must not like that store very much either, because its eyes pop open and it says "Let's have fun!" in that weird, pull-my-string doll way. Mommy looks panicked, especially when she sees what looks like a window cling version of the meat man inside the freezer with a knife through his eye, begging for help. She quickens her pace and tells Polly that they're going home, and she begs her not to do this. Fair enough request, but then stuff starts falling off the shelves and a woman starts slapping herself across the face before she digs her own eyes out. Man, that is fun, Doll de Polly. How'd you guess?!?

Soon everyone in the store is going apeshit and digging their eyes out while Mommy carries Polly quickly, trying to get her out of the store. The meat man comes out of the back and sees everyone stumbling around, kicking themselves, clawing their eyes out ( i.e. "having fun"), and calls for help. The meat man's name is Dave, by the way. You won't need to know that in the future or anything, but I thought I'd mention it. Dave's in the middle of his call when he turns around to look at the closed door of the meat freezer and hears a weird voice, which is saying "I want to play!"....Wait, did I miss something, Doll de Polly? You already ARE playing! Didn't you see the eyes being ripped out all over the grocery store? Anyhoo, Dave the Meat Man pulls out his knife and holds it out like he's ready for war. Then suddenly, he turns the knife back on himself and moves it towards his eye. With his other arm, he struggles to pull the knife away from his face, but to no avail. Dude, aside #2-- imagine playing that part of struggling against yourself so that you don't stab yourself in the eye? Dave's so earnest, he's breathing heavy, he's shaking, the whole nine. Eventually though, Dave beats Dave, and takes out his own eye.