SEASON 1

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SEASON 3

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SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

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Anyways, Mr. Important is psyched to see Black, and Black gives him the impression that he’s come to join the Millennium Group baddies who are about to bring about Armageddon. Okay, seriously? Are we as viewers supposed to believe that this will be the big twist – that Black didn’t help Mulder and Scully more because he was with the Millennium Group this whole time, and now he’s going to join them? Too little too late Spotzy and Gilinitz… plus we don’t really care. It’s getting late in the episode and there’s only ONE thing we care about now… the countdown to the…. Well, I won’t spoil it quite yet, though I know you all know what I’m talking about…

Shock! Black isn’t really helping Mr. Important do his necromancy black magic – they only fooled us for a whopping 45 seconds. After a few lines of not-gut-wrenching dialogue, he points Mr. Important’s own gun at him, and we know he’s going to help Mulder get out of that basement. Meanwhile, Scully’s getting closer to finding the compound, too, getting details from Skinner on the phone while she drives around in the dark looking pretty.

The final battle scene is frantic, gory, and atmospheric: Black and Mulder have a shootout with the Deadies. The Deadies put up a good fight, and the last one seems to have them cornered when Mulder runs out of bullets (from a magic gun, which they show us to have six bullets but Mulder somehow gets 7 rounds shot from it), but Scully saves the day by picking the lock on the fence outside and blazing into the basement, unloading some characteristically well-aimed shots to the deadie’s head. Mulder & Scully both looked dazed. We, the viewers, start frothing at the mouth, knowing what must be coming next.

We arrive at the psychiatric institution once again: this is such a natural and comfy home for the X-Files. Maybe they should have asked for an office here after the LBO burned down. Dick Clark is playing on the TV, telling us in his avuncular, creepy way that the revelers in Times Square are really packed in tight, and “the body heat alone is keeping them warm…all the way up past 52nd street. That is that X-shaped thing I was talking about before. This is Times Square -- the crossroads of the world...” What, body heat? Warmth? X-shaped crossroads in life? My heart beats quicker.

If you care about Frank Black’s storyline at this moment, you are a better, more mature viewer than I. Don’t worry, everything’s fine with him. He’s alone watching Dick Clark, but then Scully comes in and tells him that “Mark Johnson” (That’s Mr. Important’s name? I say lame, you say name.) has been taken for psychiatric evaluation and put on suicide watch. And she has an adorable, wriggling little girl with her – Black’s beloved daughter Jordan! They hug, and are so pleased to spend New Year’s together. Excellent. Now get the hell out of here, people. Black starts to excuse himself when Mulder comes in from some side door, with a sling on his arm. My, but he’s looking fetching tonight. He’s put on his best grey t-shirt and his best spiky hair for the big event. Oh wait, what big event? The ball dropping, of course! Mulder gives Black a genuine, wide smile as they say goodbye. Scully asks Black if he wants to stay and watch the ball drop, but Black says he just wants to get out of there. Yeah, I’d have to say that a psychiatric hospital isn’t the hottest place to ring in the (fake-)millennium… although there could be some cool partying, actually, you never know. And some awesome psychotropic drugs... but I digress.

I virtually kick Black and Jordan out of the hallway-room with my virtual foot, and then let Mulder and Scully walk over to see the TV a little better. We faintly hear Dick Clark saying “Hug your friends and loved ones tight. What the heck, whoever that person is next to you. No time like the present.” And then the 10-second countdown occurs, and there’s loud playing of “Auld Lang Syne,” and there are some 80s-looking couples kissing (somehow Dick Clark makes everyone look like they’re stuck 2 decades in the past).