SEASON 1

SEASON 2

SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

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Hmphf. Apparently Mulder would rather start his investigation in a mental asylum, where the lead character of Millennium, Frank Black (unfortunately not of Tenacious D fame), played by the able Lance Henriksen, has checked himself in for a 30-day observation. Mulder gives us a very rapidly spoken summation of Black’s history: he used to consult for the Millennium Group, but then fought to bring them down “at the expense of his own career and reputation”. Black left ViCAP (the FBI Violent Crimes unit that Mulder worked on before discovering the X-Files – yay for continuity, folks!) before Mulder’s time, but he was supposed to be “the greatest criminal profiler that Quantico ever produced.” Scully’s all like, Hey, isn’t my pretty boy supposed to be the best?” Actually, she says in her dry understatement: “Single-minded. Sounds like someone I know.” Huh. Maybe this episode will end in Scully committing Mulder to the asylum.

Frank Black is watching a college football game on a wall-mounted TV. We wonder for a second if he’s going to be ga-ga. I’m sure only the few of us who watched Millennium care. It turns out that he’s lucid, but doesn’t want to help Moose and Squirrel with this case. He’s trying to put his life back together again, Humpty-Dumpty-style. That could be a whole new aesthetic, by the way. “I’m just chilling here on this wall, H-D style,” or “I just fell flat on my face and broke my yoke, yo. Humpty-Dumpty-style.”

Black gives them a few curt nods to show them that he acknowledges their presence and knows the four FBI grave-desecration victims, but gives them nothing more. Scully lays out photographs of the previous victims and says, “They were members of the Millennium Group. Is that correct?” Black nods. I thought that Skinner was having a hard time even figuring out whether or not Crouch was part of the Millennium Group. Perhaps Scully is using her investigatory wiles to get information out of Black. Next, Scully tries the sympathy tactic: “Sir, we've been having a really difficult time gleaning any information whatsoever about the group ... about its membership, its practices ... I believe you can help us.” Still no go. Mulder reminds him that two days from now, it will be January 1, 2000, which is “the significant date for these people. That doesn’t leave us much time.” Still no budging from the surly Mr. Black. Mulder gives him a disgusted look that almost screams, “You’re a disgrace. You’re going to let some millenarian cult kill people because you want to get your life in order? My life hasn’t been in order since 1983.” “Mr Black. You are not what I was expecting,” he says as he gets their papers together and gets ready to leave. Mr. Black only tells him that it's first and eighteen. Which we already know is total crap because you can't start a first down with 18 yards unless there was some sort of penalty that pushed them back that far, and even then, eight yards is an odd number for a referee to choose. Duh. Mulder realizes that Black's full of it, too, because he notes in an appalled manner that the football screen clearly shows that it's third and ten. Which, by the way, totally makes more sense

We get back on the road with Mr. Important. He’s unfortunately had a flat tire (so annoying when you’re just trying to raise the dead and celebrate the coming of the new millennium!), and an ill-fated cop has stopped to help him out. Repulsed by the nasty smell in the air, the cop checks out the covered pickup. Mr. Important wisely takes some white granular stuff out of his pocket and, of course, starts creating a circle around himself, as any of us would do in a similar moment, while the cop finds the “dead” body in the truck. On cue, Mr. Important starts muttering his catchphrase to himself. While the cop miserably shouts at him to “speak up!” (is him speaking any louder going to help you, dude?), the “dead” body comes out and grabs him. The killing goes on offscreen, while Mr. Important looks on sadly. So if he’s creating circles out of alchemical substances to protect himself from the “dead” man, what does he do while he’s driving? A circle of goat blood around his drivers’ seat might cake and get kind of itchy and irritating.