SEASON 1

SEASON 2

SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

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Mulder is inside the gas station picking up a pack of sunflower seeds. The attendant gives him eleven cents change, but Mulder tells him to keep it. “Wow,” the attendant says, “Maybe I’ll just close early.” Ha! I love sarcastic dayplayers. Mulder heads out to Morris’ car and pulls away. But the camera is focused on a nearby field as tumbleweeds roll past. They certainly got that part right. I have do drive over them to get out of my driveway when it’s windy. Know what it is? No? Wanna? No? I’m gonna tell you anyway. Nevada is overrun with sage bushes. When they get all dry, they break off and the wind rolls them up together (because they’re prickly) and that’s how you get a Nevadan tumbleweed. Aren’t you glad you know that now? I thought so.

The attendant, still inside the gas station shop, notices a rumbling. Then it’s pretty obvious because the entire building is shakin’ like an earthquake. He’s freakin’ out, glass is flyin’ everywhere but then…

Oh, it’s Mulder again. As he’s driving to work, his “buddies” fly past in their ubiquitous white Jeeps. The last one, driven by Jeff, slows down, and Jeff tells him to “turn around, big guy.” They pull over at the gas station where Mulder just was. It’s all to’ up. Mulder runs inside to find the attendant, and does. He’s partially been absorbed by the ground, all gross like. NotSpender tells him, “it’s happened again,” and Mulder is both curious and demanding that they get the guy a doctor. Jeff tells Mulder not to worry about him as one of the guys in fatigues shoots the guy in the head. Woah. I don’t think he’s gonna survive that, even with a doctor’s attention. As they exit, NotSpencer tells them to burn the building, and are confused by “Morris’s” sudden caring nature as the building goes up in flames.

Back on Scully, she’s exiting the elevator in Mulder’s apartment complex to find the Bottle Blond from Kersh’s office giving “Mulder” a little mouth-to-mouth. Standing up. And awake. I’ve basically run out of ways to describe how pissed (and possibly hurt) Scully is in this episode, but suffice it to say she’s not happy with him. She enters the apartment and tells “Mulder” that the trace on the call indicated that the caller, né Mulder, was 3 miles outside of Groom Lake at a payphone. Bingo! Maybe he’s Mulder’s source? Morris is all, “maybe so” as he puts his tie back on. He’s very noncommittal, this one. Come on, Scully, figure it out! Why doesn’t “Mulder” want to follow up on this? Because he’s NOT MULDER! He asks her if she’s out of her mind and, that’s it. She loses it. She says he’s out of his mind and that she should examine him for mental illness, drugs, or a massive head injury. “This is an X-File. Your life’s work. Your crusade.” His comeback? He calmly says, “As I understand it, we’re off the X-Files.” Argh! She just stalks off. Maybe NOW she gets it. “Morris looks in the mirror and we see the Sam Beckett effect used again here, but blessedly sparingly, as he calls Scully a bitch. Oh no he di’n’t! A million Scullyists just threw their remotes at the television.

Back at Area 51, NotSpender is showing everyone a lizard with his head in a rock that someone turned in to the local vet. All of these weird meldings and body switchings have happened within a few miles of each other. They plan to confirm where the “warp” began once they analyze the flight data recorder. Aw, man? They still haven’t done that yet? How long is this episode? NotSpender explains that this all is caused by a tear in the space/time continuum, and maybe their knowledge of extraterrestrials is derived from Star Trek reruns. “Sir” informs the audience that they’ve been flying these things since 1953 but this is the first time this has happened. Ack! This is a lot of information to type! Okay, so basically, the ship has “anti gravity propulsion” and the severe change in trajectory caused the tear. Ground zero is where they intercepted Mulder and Scully, but no one remembers it (except, I gather, Mulder and Morris) because “lost time is a common symptom of close proximity to anti-gravity propulsion systems.” But they can’t figure out why some people have heads in rocks and others switch bodies. Mulder wants to know how to get the lizard out of the rock, but they’re stumped on that one. Great. Just great.

Scully’s driving by herself along the Nevada highway, when she comes across the burned out shell of the gas station. On the ground, she finds a dime and penny fused together at the center and stares at it curiously as we would normally cut to a commercial but don’t since this is a DVD.

Morning. Mulder’s asleep on the Laz-E-Boy again as Nora screeches at him, “This is not a marriage! It’s a farce,” and, “I disgust you, don’t I?” Mulder’s all, “Of course not!” But then she asks him why he mumbles Scully in his sleep and that just opens up a whole can of fanfic ideas. Mulder dreams about Scully? Like, for reals? Hm. I wonder if he dreams that she’s an OSS agent on a 1939 luxury liner… Anyway, Mulder’s kinda flustered, and tries to explain that Scully isn’t another woman: “Does Scully sound like a woman’s name to you?” and then he plays the “top secret job” card, which she doesn’t buy. So, he goes into this spiel about how he doesn’t know who he is anymore and that he’s not the man she married, and she mistakes this for Erectile Dysfunction and says, “They have that pill now.” So, she gives him a hug, exclaims that “there’s other ways to be intimate,” and seems satisfied with this. That is, until the doorbell rings and a hot redhead named Scully happens to be at the door. Aw, busted. Mulder can’t hide the joy on his face when he sees her, and Joanne slaps him. Ooh, kinda hard. And calls him a son-of-a-bitch. Well, can you blame him? Scully’s a fox!

Mulder walks her out to the sidewalk and she’s asking him if he’s Morris from Area 51 and he’s trying to tell her that he’s Mulder. He’s got his hand on her back and she’s all, get off me, freak, as Joanne is screaming from the window and throwing his clothes out on the lawn like in every my-evil-cheating-husband Lifetime movie ever made. He’s telling Scully that he and Morris switched bodies, but of course she doesn’t believe him. Why would he expect anything different? Then he starts rattling facts off about her, but they’re facts that are, let’s face it, easily Google-able. Her full name, her mom’s name, how Bill, Jr. hates him, and how she’s been eating yogurt with bee pollen even though he tells her she’s a scientist and she should know better. Hee. That last one’s kinda cute. Plus, I consider it a shout-out to the FTF almost kiss, since she’s clearly trying to build up a bee tolerance for the next time. Aaand, she looks like she kinda believes him for a sec before Joanne comes back out of the house, still, as always, screeching. It’s kind of a thankless and one note role for Nora Dunn, isn’t it? Scully tells Mulder that he could have gotten the info anywhere (like Google, perhaps?) and he’s like, “even that yogurt thing?” Then he turns into a valley girl and says, like, “That is so you. That is so Scully. Well, it’s good to know you haven’t changed. It’s somewhat comforting.” He’s willing to offer her scientific proof of what happened. Tonight. In the bedroom. Oh, but only after he gets his own body back. Because, ew.

Then we see Mulder in the reflection of a car’s side view mirror. As it’s flicked back into place, we see Mulder again. Morris just watched the entire thing! And, look. I get that it’s a cool effect, seeing Mulder there then Mulder here. But shouldn’t that have been Morris’ reflection from far away and Mulder’s close up? I mean, if we’re following the “rules” of the story thus far? Or did they just break them for a neat camera trick? Yea, that’s what I thought.

NotSpender, also known as Howard, runs into his office to catch his ringing phone. It’s Morris, calling as Mulder, telling him that he’s got a security leak. Man, this guys’ just trying to ruin it for everyone, isn’t he? Asshole. And, he happens to have a name for NotSpender. But we don’t hear what it is. Instead, we see Mulder sneaking down into the lizard/rock room to snag the flight data recorder. He puts it in a brown paper bag as Mark Snow’s Oboe of About To Get Caught-ness plays the slow, somber version of the X-Files theme. And, uh-oh! NotSpender totally saw him do it! Morris just turned himself in… sorta! That bastard!

Scully’s driving and pics up the phone. It’s Kersh. And he’s pissed. “Mulder” has told Kersh about where she is and she must follow his instructions or “don’t bother coming back from Nevada”. Again, he gets props for pronouncing Nevada correctly, but otherwise is totally lamesause.

Later that night, at another gas station. Mulder enters with the data recorder and meets Scully by the frozen food section. He tells her he’s got the proof, but she just stands there looking guilty as the guy behind the counter slowly ducks down. Oh, no! The Aliens are coming again! It’s a bright light! Oh, never mind. It’s just men in fatigues and large guns coming to arrest “Morris”. Scully apologizes as NotSpender and Jeff look at him with disappointment. Just then, “Mulder” pops in, and our Mulder launches toward him. As he’s being dragged away, he implores Scully, “Would I do this? He orchestrated this whole thing! He’s not me!” And I think she gets it just as we see…

TO BE CONTINUED…

Oh, thank God it’s over. Halfway, at least.