SEASON 1

SEASON 2

SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

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Loser’s now confined in the back of a police car and it’s only going to get worse from here for him, because Mulder opens the door and sits down next to him. Loser asks who he is and manages to contain his amusement as our hero says, “My name is Fox Mulder. I’m an FBI agent.” Loser seems unimpressed by Mulder’s credentials and gives him an ignoring he’s not going to forget in a hurry. It transpires that Loser’s real name is Mr Muntz – on balance, I think he’d probably prefer Loser, so I’ll stick with that. Staring ahead, Loser says, “God…spared my life today. He took pity on my soul and he washed away my sins.” Well, that’s all right then. “He reached down and he healed me with his hand. With the palm of his hand.” Mulder keeps an admirably straight face throughout this malarkey. I’m guessing he’s also a “Tell Me” person and has had to employ the understanding nod, the encouraging mmmmm and the discreet backing-away. I’m also thinking that he’s had that tactic employed upon him a time or two (or three, or four). Loser tells Mulder it was a holy man. Uh-huh. Finally, he turns to face Mulder and tells him it was the Good Lord Himself. Mulder looks like he’s about to say something, but stops himself just in time. I don’t think Loser is in the mood for Mulder’s wit.

As Mulder gets out of the car, and Scully makes her way across the car park, the credits inform us that the teleplay is by Chris Carter and that the story is by David Duchovny and Chris Carter. Yay! Mytharc that makes at least some sort of emotional sense, even if it doesn’t make any other kind of sense. I just know I’m going to end up wanting to make Mulder a big cup of cocoa and letting him use all my Kleenex before this episode’s over. Mulder updates Scully on Loser’s religious epiphany and Scully seems unsurprised by this. Apparently the healer has left the scene before the police could question him, but nobody saw him go. He just vanished. Without a trace. But nothing vanishes without a trace! I have that on good authority!

Now we’re on Quonochontaug, Rhode Island. Mrs Mulder (all dressed in black) is walking up to a house with a key in her hand. She looks upset. However, she is looking good and you can see where Mulder got his ability to wear a trench coat stylishly. She looks through the French doors and the furniture inside is still all covered in plastic. It looks like no one has been here in years. She goes inside, walks through one room into another, and then notices that a door to the outside has been left ajar. I need to stop and congratulate whoever cast Rebecca Toolan in this role. She’s great and not only that; she looks like she could conceivably be Mulder’s mother. She goes outside and turns – eek! It’s the Cigarette-Smoking Man! For some reason, he says, “Everything changes but the sea.” Riiigghhhttt. Teena wants to know what he wants, and he says he wants to reminisce. She looks like she’s willing him to catch on fire right in front of her so she can refrain from spitting on him and tells him she has nothing to say to him. He replies that they used to have so much to say to each other. Eeeewwwww. He talks about the good times they had, her kids, young and energetic. Then he says he remembers water-skiing with Bill, but that Bill wasn’t as good a water-skier as he was, and then he says, “…but that could be said about so many things.” Thanks CSM. Now I need to bleach my brain. Teena’s not enjoying this little jaunt down Memory Lane either. She gives him the evil eye and says: “I repressed it all.” CSM doesn’t believe it – he’s thinking that he’s so impressive that Teena would remember how it was thirty-odd years ago – although if Mulder’s equipment is anything like it’s portrayed in fan-fiction and CSM really is his father, maybe it was that memorable (always assuming it was passed from father to son genetically). He wants her to remember something and moves closer to Teena, all the better to intimidate her. The argument continues soundlessly, and oh no! Someone is spying on them and taking photographs. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!

Cut to Mulder and Scully, and Detective Donut is telling them that the mystery healing man’s name is Jeremiah Smith, and he lives in Suitland, Virginia. Is that where Hugo Boss comes from? It turns out he gave a phoney PO Box and doesn’t have a driver’s licence. Since when is that a crime? The crime-fighting trio conclude that Distinguished Roy walked from somewhere nearby as all the cars in the parking lot were accounted for. That’s some quality detecting right there! Maybe he got a cab, or a friend dropped him off, or he parachuted in? How is this critical thinking? Detective Donut is still flummoxed as to how Distinguished Roy disappeared. Mulder, who has obviously tuned out Detective Donut, notices a TV OB van outside the window. Just then, his phone rings, mercifully saving him (and us) from further demonstrations of Detective Donut’s investigative acuity. Look out – it’s Assistant Director Skinner’s office and it’s a real X-File how an inanimate object such as an office can call anyone. Mulder ought to open a file on that. However, it’s the hot, bald AD himself and he tells Mulder he has some alarming news. Apparently Mulder’s mother has been admitted to hospital in a serious condition, in a town called Quono….and he can’t pronounce it. Mulder, being a true smartarse, jumps in and says, “Quonochontaug? I’m on my way.”