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SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

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Crump Trailer. Scully and her Decontamination Team are all dressed in their bulky suits and helmets. It's all foggy and dark. Am I watching Lost In Space? The Crump's dog is growling and yelping and running back and forth along his chain. Scully thinks the same "pathology" is happening to the dog. They all hold him down and as Scully's getting ready to sedate the dog, his head explodes all over the helmet of a decon dude. Ew.

Mulder's Hijacked Sensible Rental Car Of Anti-Semitism And Government Conspiracies. So Crump is explaining what happened to his wife. She was cooking breakfast when she got a nosebleed and then a terrible headache. He was going to take her to the hospital but as they drove faster, she felt a little better. But as soon as they'd stop, she'd start screaming. Special Agent Fox Mulder, "Mr. Mulder, If You're Nasty", says that he's sorry about Crump's wife. "Sure, you are... You and the rest of your Jew FBI." Crump then starts yapping about how him and his wife were "government guinea pigs" and he knows about the government "dropping Agent Orange" and "putting radiation in little retarded kids' gonads" and he's seen them sneaking around his woods at night. Mulder notices that his gas gauge is on E. "Well, on behalf of the international Jewish conspiracy, I just need to inform you that we're... almost out of gas."

Crump Trailer. Scully and her Decon Team are looking around and they haven't found anything in the Crump's place. Scully comments that whatever it is, it doesn't discriminate. The doctor tells her about "zoonotic pathogens" that can species jump. They notice a light nearby and see that the Crumps have a neighbor. As they enter the house, Scully notices a birdcage and Tweety's on the bottom, with one side of his head exploded. Scully sees that somebody's watching an old movie on TV, then an elderly lady turns around and she starts screaming. Well, kind of. In a muted sort of way. Scully notices that the movie has Closed Captioning on. Scully calms the woman down, telling her that it's ok.

Mulder's Sensible Rental Car That's About To Be Ditched As Though It Were Scully. Mulder flies into the gas station and pulls up to a pump, but the idiot pulled up on the wrong side, has to grab an extra-long hose and run around to the other side of the car. Crump is agonizing in the back seat. Mulder starts yelling at the hicks inside the station to turn on the pump. "You got to pay before you pump, buddy!" Ugh. I hate pre-paying, yo. Mulder hates it too, because he pulls Crump out of the car and heaves him into a station wagon that was sitting at another pump. The pump falls out of the tank and Mulder drives off without closing the gas cap and now oxygen will leak into the tank and the Check Engine light will come on in the dashboard. The owner of the car, a Weirdo With A Beardo, comes running out of the station yelling for his car. We then see the front seat of the Sensible Rental Car and Mulder's left a note, where we can see "Agent Dana Scully FBI" written in large black letters. You know, sometimes Mulder doesn't think about his actions and whatnot, but I like the fact that here he's at least trying to contact Scully to let her know what's what.

Crump Trailer. Oh, man. That put that poor deaf lady in a decon suit and loaded her into a van. I wonder if she thinks they're taking a trip to outer space. The doctor wonders how the lady wasn't affected. Scully then takes off her helmet and asks about the pathology being a sound. Scully's cell phone starts ringing and she pulls it out of her suit. It's the captain and he tells her that Mulder is continuing to evade the police, he's stolen a car and left behind some "crazy note" for her. Scully tells him to read it. The captain reads: "'Crump sick; will die if stopped, same as wife. Must head west to keep alive. No roadblocks! Meet me at the beach. Bring Green Sweater of Lurve and Shiner Bock.' Does this make sense to you?" Scully tells him to take Mulder's word and let him through the roadblocks. The captain doesn't think that's a good idea and wants Scully to check with her superiors. As Scully walks around, her cell phone goes staticy and we can't hear the captain. Scully looks down at the ground at a metal plate reading US Government Property. Her cell phone goes out.