SEASON 1

SEASON 2

SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

< PREVIOUS

Mulder's speaking with a woman who knew Lauren Mackelby, talking about how Seedy seemed so nice "on the computer", only Seedy was going by "2Shy" then, not "Timid"...notice a theme, here? No, not the corny screennames, but the fact that this guy is apparently a bit reserved with the ladies? Mulder is interested to know that they met online, and asks what chatroom they were in. Honey's friend tells Mulder it was the Big & Beautiful chat, and that Honey had a bit of a weight problem but that 2Shy didn't seem to care because he wasn't all about sex. Apparently Seedy was a Romeo in written form as well, as Honey's friend tells Mulder that he wrote amazing letters, and that she just happened to keep copies of them, which I find almost as creepy as Timid himself. As she goes to find them, he calls Scully, who is standing in front of dinner--er, what's left of Honey's body-- in the Coroner's office. Mulder tells Scully he's putting out a local internet warning about the guy, and he knows it's the same guy as the Aberdeen victims he was talking about earlier cos he opened the account with one of their credit cards. Scully asks Mulder to come down to the Coroner's office as soon as possible. Mulder wants to know if she found something in the autopsy, but she tells him there isn't going to be one.

At the Coroner, Scully is holding what looks like an old chicken bone in a pair of tweezers. Wait, am I just hungry? The "chicken bone" is actually a metacarpal from Honey's hand. Scully explains that bone, in life or death, is as strong as forged iron, but this one is all squishy and she squeezes it like a sponge. She tells him that the goo is organic, probably hydrochloric acid, similar to something secreted by the gastric mucousa, and that it also contained pepsin, which is a digestive enzyme. Hold up, time out. Can I just say that Gillian Anderson is awesome? I had to pause and rewind the scene about twelve times just to get those terms down. Sure she fills up the blooper reels, but I'll be a monkey's uncle if it doesn't come out soundin' real impressive in the finals. Okay, back to business.

Mulder starts asking how this could have happened and if anything is missing, and Scully says the only thing missing was fatty tissue, which "could explain the weight discrepancy". Apparently the M.E. had Honey listed at 122lbs, while her driver's license listed her as 165lbs. Wait a second, was 165lbs classified as "Big & Beautiful" in 1995? 'Cos I'm actually kind of horrified right now. Uh, I'm just gonna go on, here...Scully says Honey must've lost weight since the license was issued, but Mulder says the letter-saving roommate he talked to earlier said that Honey had actually put on some weight, and that's why she was nervous about meeting 2Shy/Timid/Seedy/Skinny. Scully gets all offended and is like, "Who would remove someone's fatty tissue?! Who do you think we're dealing with here?!" with this look of disgust on her face that kind of freaks me out, it's so earnest. By the way, Mulder doesn't know who they're dealing with, here. Some help he is. Boy, for such a good looking guy, you'd think...well I don't know what you'd think, other than that he's good looking. Oh well, I tried.

Oooh, guess who's gettin' ready to go out? It's "Huggs", whose name is Ellen, if we're to go by her friend calling her that. I assume we should, since usually your friend would know your name. Most of my friends know mine, except for the few I make call me "Bearclaw". Don't ask. Huggs's friend warns her that the F.B.I. put out a warning about an internet killer, and Huggs is all pissed off that her friend would question her ability to judge character. Huggs is annoyingly monotone and her facial reactions don't change much from one line to the next. Her friend assures her that she's not trying to freak her out or anything, but Huggs is having none of it because her friend is making her even more nervous. Poor Huggs! Maybe she just needs some "huggs". Okay, that was bad, I know. But her storyline is so boring that my jokes have to match. Huggs' friend tells her not to worry, that "Timid" is probably just as great as he sounds, but poses the question to end all questions: "What if he isn't?"

Cue Mark Snow with the High Synth Notes of Misfortune! Only it's a false alarm, because while the HSNoM blare in the background, 2Shy/Timid/Seedy/Skinny paces in front of a restaurant with a bouquet of flowers, waiting for Huggs. She doesn't show, and eventually he throws the flowers down with disgust and does what any man in this situation would do: look for hookers. He picks one of the "chubbier" ones (though seriously, this show's perception of weight is whack, even by 1995 standards). 2Shy and ChubbyHooker go off into an alley somewhere and he goes in for the kiss, which she denies him. Wait a second, am I watching Pretty Woman? Julia Roberts, is that you? Is there something we don't know about Richard Gere? I don't know much about hookers, but I thought if you were getting paid you were pretty much up for anything. I mean, not ANYTHING anything like say...eating regurgitated Hamburger Helper, but yknow, within reason. Anyhow, she starts unbuttoning his pants and he's all, "Screw this noise!" and decides to force her into kissing him. She scratches his hand, ripping the skin right off with her fingernails while she screams. Next thing you know, a couple is walking home when they discover Timid "chewin' the fat", so to speak. Sucking it is more likely, but whatever. Timid takes off, and so does the passerby guy, leaving his date there to check out the dead hooker's body, face covered in goo.