SEASON 1

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SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

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Scully runs straight down to the evidence room (Section L7 if anyone’s that interested), determined to get to the bottom of the mystery of the Exacto knife. The clerk obligingly gets the box down for her (I don’t think she would have been able to reach it without a step ladder) and she knocks back the offer of using the table, instead asking him to put it on the floor for her. His phone rings and he leaves Scully alone with the evidence box. In a move that makes me grasp my poor old knees and moan in sympathy, Scully squats down and looks through the box, finding the plastic baggie for the knife is empty. Nice chain of custody there, FBI people. Also, some advice for the young’uns – if you’re going to play squash and indulge in competitive gymnastics, do something to protect your knees. Any attempt to use my knees in any weight-bearing sort of way results in sounds like firecrackers going off. Gilly must be a lot fitter than I am. She sighs in exasperation, then gets the uplifting news that the phone call was the Skinman, looking for her.

Chugga chugga chugga – Office du Skinman. That is a very nice double-breasted pantsuit Scully’s wearing. Skinner questions Scully about her search for the Exacto knife of Mystery. He asks if it is her opinion that the knife missing from Evidence is the same knife she found at the crime scene. Scully says she’s not absolutely certain. Skinner knows that Mulder’s prints were found on it and there’s a particular Sci-Crime Lady who’s now off Scully’s Christmas card list. Skinner starts questioning Scully about Mulder’s mental state. Jeez, everyone on this show just assumes that Scully is Mulder’s keeper. How about treating him like an adult and asking him yourself? No wonder he acts like a sulky adolescent. Next they’ll be asking Scully if he wets the bed or has any interesting dreams, and by the way, what really happened to your little dog, Scully? Are you sure he has a phobia about fire? Scully gives Skinman the old stonewall, and Skinner admits he’s worried about Mulder. Well, maybe you should take that up with him, Skinman.

Meanwhile at Mostow’s Museum of Morbidity, Mulder is musing. I love alliteration. He’s walking around with his flashlight looking at the sculptures, when he is attacked again. But no! It’s B-Pat, his Sidekick and some Sidekickettes. Mulder fights back, only to seemingly slash himself on the cheek with the Exacto knife of Mystery. Then he wakes up. It was all a horrible dream and he’s on his couch, surrounded by examples of Mostow’s art. That would be enough to give anyone nightmares. He’s still in his work clothes and was wearing his gun. He must have been really tired, because that could not be comfortable. He puts his trench-coat on and he’s outta there! He goes back to Mostow’s lair in the dark. Man, Mulder must have a backbone of sheer titanium (much like a SuperSoldier) because there is absolutely NO WAY I’d be visiting the scene of one of my nightmares in the middle of the night on my own, even if I had a gun. Entering the secret gallery with a determined stride, Mulder notices that there’s a new work of art, the clay still wet, on the bench. Our friend, the kitty cat, is licking up blood from the floor. Lawks! Mulder follows the blood trail and finds a disembodied arm. Oh my paws and whiskers! Do you think the cat did it?

Scully’s finally made it home to discover a message on her answering machine. It’s from a Greg Nemhauser and he asks her to call him right away on 555 0143. I’m guessing this is Sidekick’s actual name. Halfway through the message, Nemhauser is cut off. That is never a good sign on The X-Files. Conscientious as ever, Scully dials Nemhauser’s number. Briiiiinnnggggg. We’re back in Mostow’s Museum of Morbidity and someone’s phone is ringing, startling Mulder. He goes looking for the sound. One of the things that frustrates me the most about my hearing loss is that I don’t have any directional hearing any more and you use it more than you would think. It freaks me out to see people put their phones to their right ears as it just seems so wrong to me now. In Mulder’s position, I’d be hopelessly lost. Mulder finds a discarded coat that coincidentally contains a ringing cellphone. I’ll bet that’s Scully on the other end. Of course I’m right because I’ve seen this episode before, but Mulder, being the nosy parker that he is, just can’t resist answering it, and of course it’s Scully on the other end, wondering why Mulder’s answering Nemhauser’s phone. Uh-oh, Mulder is now getting some idea about whose arm he just found. Scully is also taking the opportunity to drag him over the coals about the Exacto knife of Mystery, stolen from Evidence, found at a crime scene with Mulder’s prints all over it. Mulder admits to examining Mostow’s knife in the Evidence room, but denies taking it. Scully tells Mulder to stay where he is and that she will be there soon to work things out together, OK? This sounds more and more like conversations I have had with teenage children. Mulder is staring at the new piece of art and hangs up on Scully to examine it further. I bet she hates when he does that. Suddenly, Mulder tears at the clay to reveal Nemhauser’s poor, mutilated face underneath. He draws his gun and swings around to confront B-Pat, who has snuck up behind him. He lowers his weapon and tells B-Pat that he has found Nemhauser. Then he looks suspiciously at B-Pat and says: “But you already knew that, didn’t you?” He accuses B-Pat of killing Nemhauser because Nemhauser suspected that B-Pat was the second killer. Mulder’s now holding his gun on B-Pat again, while B-Pat tells Mulder he’s out of his mind (a common misconception). B-Pat orders Mulder to put the gun down, but Mulder refuses unless B-Pat tells him what he’s doing there. Mulder tells B-Pat to look at his hands. He does, and they are covered in clay. B-Pat is now not sure what he’s doing there, but Mulder is happy to fill him in. B-Pat lived the horror show that was inside John Mostow’s head for three years and caught the crazy himself.

At the worst possible moment, Scully turns up and shines her flashlight directly in Mulder’s eyes, shocked that he’s holding a gun on the head of the ISU. B-Pat takes the opportunity to push over one of the sculptures on top of Mulder, then he barrels right over the top of Scully in an attempt to escape. Mulder helps her up and tells her that the killer is B-Pat, who’s doing a pretty good job of running away for an old guy, but it’s clear that Mulder is going to catch him easily. I think they must have asked Duchovny to wind back the speed in this scene to make it seem like Kurtwood could perhaps outrun him because he looks like he’s just loping along without much effort. Mulder and Scully chase B-Pat up onto the roof, and search around for him, guns and flashlights at the ready. Mulder startles some sleeping pigeons and climbs up over a low wall leading to another section of the roof. B-Pat jumps him from out of the shadows causing Mulder to drop his gun (groan) and a struggle ensues. There is a gunshot, and it appears that Mulder has been successful in getting his gun back and has shot B-Pat, wounding him. Scully rolls B-Pat over, checking his pulse and telling Mulder to call an ambulance. I think at this point Mulder would be perfectly happy to let B-Pat bleed out on the roof, but he calls the paramedics as the camera pulls back to reveal yet another roof-top gargoyle. Does Washington DC really have this many gargoyles dotted around? I don’t think I’ve ever seen any in Australia. I think it’s a gargoyle-free zone.

Two weeks later, and we’re back in the prison, or at least on the prison set. B-Pat is behind bars, having a conniption fit because no one will listen to him. He is protesting his innocence. Just to add insult to B-Pat’s injury, we now get a Mulder voiceover as the camera zooms in close on a gargoyle drawn in blood on the wall: “We work in the dark. We do what we can to battle the evil that would otherwise destroy us. But if a man’s character is his fate, this fight is not a choice but a calling. And sometimes the weight of this burden causes us to falter, breaching the fragile fortress of our mind, allowing the monsters without to turn within. And we are left alone, staring into the abyss, into the laughing face of madness.” I think there’s something in that for all of us.

CREDITS.