SEASON 1

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SEASON 3

SEASON 4

SEASON 5

FIGHT THE FUTURE

SEASON 6

SEASON 7

SEASON 8

SEASON 9

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The sea. Some guy is pouring what I assume is ash over the side of a crappy fishing boat to the tune of Bobby Darin's "Beyond the Sea" as the Scully family, umbrella wielding and black-clad, watch on. Ah, Captain Ahab's funeral. So, sad. This is the only time we see her supposed-brother Charlie, and we're left guessing which one he is because neither one of them are the guy who ends up playing her brother Bill in season four. Scully tells her mother that, "As a captain, [her father] was entitled to burial in Arlington with full ceremony." That's the guns and the flag folded into a triangle, etc., for those not in the know. Her mother looks at her with unshed ears pooling in her eyes and, man, Shiela Larkin is awesome as she says, "This is exactly what he wanted. Just the family." They watch the guy in the boat a little more when Maggie begins to tell Scully about how "Beyond the Sea" played when Bill (that's Ahab to me and you) got home from the Cuban Blockade. He marched right up to her and proposed. That is so sweet. That'd totally be my favorite song too, if some adorable guy in a Navy uniform proposed while it was playing. Scully waits a beat, then, figuring it's a moment of truth kinda day, asks her mother if, even though they didn't approve of her non-medical career, was her father proud of her? Her voice breaks a little here as we are reminded, yet again, how much raw talent Gillian had, even back then. Maggie, still staring out at the sea, says simply, "He was your father." Scully's all, "Thanks Mom. That means jack shit, but I appreciate the vagueness of your answer. That'll really help me sleep at night."

We then crossfade onto a pair of handcuffed hands. One set of knuckles reads "kiss", the other "kill". I wonder if he's a big U2 fan ("Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me"). Anyway, this is Boggs. Or, if you watch Deadwood, Doc Cochran. He's telling Mulder all about how his soul is going to "drown in Hell's sea of fire", but he's speaking in the third person, which I hate because how pretentious can you be? He explains to Mulder and Scully, who are sitting across from him in one of those prison interview rooms, that they can basically travel through time in that room, and he can take them wherever they want to go and tell them whatever they want to hear. But when he tells them this, he calls them "Fox" and "Dana". I thought he was psychic. Doesn't he know that you can't call them by their first names unless they're emotionally distraught, in jeopardy, or about to be seduced by an evil bitch woman who talks out of the side of her face? Guess he's not that psychic. Anyway, each time Boggs speaks it's like a different person is speaking through him. His tone of voice and his vocabulary changes as he seems to be taken over by various personalities. It's an excellent performance by Brad Dourif, but Mulder isn't buying it. One of the voices tries to negotiate: "Boggs' life for da kids, know what I'm sayin'?" He's, apparently, channeling Tony Soprano for that one. Mulder pulls a swatch of blue cloth from an evidence bag and hand it to Boggs, basically requesting that he try and prove he's legit by pick up psychic signals from it. Mulder tells him that he wants to believe. Maybe that's where the poster is: still in the art department. A set designer is pouring over a blurry photo of a UFO wondering, "Hm, what should we write underneath?" After months of hair pulling and trial runs, continually coming up empty, one of the interns hands him a script for this episode. He flips through it dramatically, finds this line, and, voila. A poster is born.

Boggs rubs the blue cloth back and forth in his hands, then starts twitching and screaming, as though someone's hitting him. He's channeling the kidnapped boy, telling them that he's tied with packing twine and being whipped with a wire coat hanger. He then begins to make vague references to landmarks that will, theoretically, help them find the kidnapped students. A condemned warehouse, waterfalls without water, and a stone angel (Which, if real, would freak my ass out. Yours, too, if you've ever seen the Doctor Who episode called "Blink". Shudder.). He swears the kids are there. Breathing heavily, Boggs seems to deflate, losing all his energy. He tells them he's got to go as his breathing returns to normal. Whether Mulder believes him or not, that was a pretty amazing performance. I'm losing my ability to snark! No! Mulder leans in real close to Boggs, sliding the blue cloth from between his fingers. He holds it up and whispers into his ear: "I tore this off my New York Knicks t-shirt. It has nothing to do with the crime." Which makes total sense because Mulder's from Massachusetts and is thus either a)a traitor to the Boston Celtic nation or b) played by a guy from New York who can't seem to keep himself out of the character. I think the latter. Anyway, Mulder smugly walks out of the room as Scully watches him go, surprised that he tricked Boggs like that. Really? I'd be more surprised that, after that performance, he still doesn't believe. I think even she's on the fence. It's okay, though, because she's all emotionally traumatized over the death of her father. If it were any other day, she'd be walking right out with him. But, I guess, if it were any other day, Mulder would be the believer. But these two have to play that game: One always believes, the other doesn't. If they agreed, this would be a pretty boring show. Of course, then they could just have sex for 45 minutes, which would still make lots of people very happy.

Scully stands, putting her pad and pen into a briefcase that looks like it should belong to a tweed-jacket wearing Yale professor in 1964, or Dr. Indiana Jones, and stands to walk out after Mulder. Boggs, still slumped over in the chair, begins to sing quietly, "Somewhere… beyond the sea…" and Scully stops abruptly. What the…? She turns and it's not Boggs sitting there, but her father, in the orange, prison-issue jumpsuit. She gasps, totally freaked out. As am I. Or, I would be, if I hadn't already seen this, like thousands of times. She falls back against the glass wall behind her, closing her eyes in hopes that, when she opens them, he'll be gone. And, wish granted. He's back to Boggs, but he tells her ominously, "Did you get my message, Starbuck?" Oooh. Flustered, she practically sprints into the hallway to join Mulder, eyebrow cocked. Mulder notices her sudden shakiness and asks her if she's all right. "Did Boggs say something to you?" he asks, all protecty-boyfriend like, "Because I'd totally beat the crap out of him to defend your honor." She insists, kind of uninsistant and shakily, that she's fine, and she's thinking about her farther. Mulder puts his dick and tape measure away and suggests that she head back to the hotel. Now that Boggs has been "exposed as a fraud" and "may be orchestrating the kidnapping", Mulder's going to stay behind for a couple hours and try to beat the location of the kids out of him. Oh Em Gee. Did he not just watch what happened? The guy was spasming in pain! Who cares what he was rubbing? There are psychics who do not get their visions from objects, Mulder. Duh. I thought you read up on this sorta stuff. I guess your judgment is blinding you. God! You're just like Mr. Darcy! Get off your damn high horse! (Sorry, I watched Bridget Jones last night) Boggs is being led by a guard back to his cell, in handcuffs and leg shackles, still singing that famous Bobby Darin tune. Scully, who looks like she's about to have a heart attack, takes off so fast you'd swear she left the iron on as Mulder watches this entire interaction, bewildered. As usual, he's totally oblivious to Scully's needs. I hope he's better in the bedroom, for her sake.

Cars. Scully's driving, presumably back to the hotel, when she sees a sign for Hotel Niagara. The sign is of a big light waterfall. We flashback to Boggs telling her about the waterfall without water. Hm. Wonder if that's a clue. She looks closer at the hotel sign before flashing back to Boggs' prediction about the angel of stone, but it's a totally different take of him saying that! Why in God's name didn't they use the same one? His delivery is totally different! Way to keep an eye on continuity there, 1013. Of course, that never was your strong suit. Scully looks to her left to see a stone angel statue lit in blue. Don't take your eyes off it, Scully! It could transport you back to 1912 and you'd have to live your whole life in the past as one of Edith Wharton's characters! Oh, wait. You already did that. She makes an abrupt right turn into an alley and notices a condemned warehouse. How do we know it's a condemned warehouse? Why, because there's a big red sign on the door that says, "Condemned warehouse." Hm. Another clue, perhaps? She goes inside, stupidly without backup, and freaks out when some birds flutter off screen. Flashlight in hand (but, you'll notice, gun not drawn), she finds a bunch of lit candles along side a wire coat hanger, lots of blood, and a charm bracelet. But no bodies or bad guys. Whew.