All Your Questions Will Be Answered! Psych!
6×01 – THE BEGINNING – Remember the summer of 1998 and how awesome Fight the Future was? Remember how the movie seemed to take the mytharc in a really cool, albeit a little confusing, direction? Remember how stoked we all were for Season 6 to start and we all thought it was going to be the best X-Files premiere ever? Remember how we were all anxiously awaiting the answers to the movie? Remember how many of us were unsure about the move from Vancouver to Los Angeles, but were willing to give 1013 the benefit of the doubt? Remember the night of November 8, 1998 when all our hopes were shattered? Well, we’re about to relive it all over again. (Recap by Bolissa)
Life Is A Highway. I Wanna Ride It Until My Head Explodes!
6×02 – DRIVE – In the first standalone of the season, 1013 Productions practically hammers us over the head with a message proving how their move to Los Angeles was The Only Right Choice And All Others Were Wrong. With a plot ripped from a most awesome movie, this redneck dude has to keep moving fast or he dies. But unlike Speed, the bomb is in his eardrum and not on a bus. It’s too bad he had Mulder driving him because I’m certain Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock could’ve saved him. (Recap by Bolissa)
Bermuda, Or Love?
TRIANGLE – Mulder gets stuck on a ghost ship. SemiSkankyScully kisses Skinner (for real) and Mulder (not for real). Spender gets a death threat. Cancer Man is a Nazi. Judy Garland springs a leak. It’s all moderately real.
Invasion Of The Body-Switchers
6×04 – DREAMLAND – Mulder plays Freaky Friday with a Man in Black, Scully’s embarrassed to take her ass-slapping fetish to the public, and the most unintentionally tragic scene in the series takes its form as a badly choreographed mirror dance. Well… at least Kersh pronounces Nevada right. (Recap by Starbucket)
Comedy Doesn’t Work In Two Parts
6×05 – DREAMLAND II – The one in which Scully whips out the handcuffs, Mulder suffers through a “normal” life and ends up with a waterbed, Morris Fletcher invents Saddam Hussein on the toilet, and slingshots are not only necessary, they are essential. (Recap by Starbucket)
‘Twas The Night Before Christmas, In A House Full Of Ghosts
HOW THE GHOSTS STOLE CHRISTMAS – Okay, I stole that from the ad. Ed Asner and Lily Tomlin give Mulder and Scully the grand tour of one room, a hundred or so times over. Someone wears Scully’s outfit, Moose and Squirrel shoot each other, and we get a pop psychology lesson. It’s bizarre holiday fun.
6×07 – TERMS OF ENDEARMENT – in which Mulder denies he is a psychologist, to the surprise of everyone who’s ever watched ‘The X-Files,’ and Scully refrains from giving him a bitch-slapping he thoroughly deserves. (Recap by Crass)
A Modern Day Trail Of Tears: Grab Your Moccasins And An Umbrella!
6×08 – RAIN KING – This is an episode highlighting, among other things, 1013′s obsession with The Wizard of Oz. There’s a very wet High School Reunion where everyone makes out to “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” You’ve got an ignorant redneck claiming to be 1/64th Cherokee. Mulder’s almost killed by a flying cow. Scully and some blonde bimbo share some girl talk in a ladies bathroom. You will also see how a weatherman’s bottled up romantic feelings for his best friend only results in heartache and violent storms. That couldn’t possibly be a metaphor for another twosome on this show, could it? (Recap by Bolissa)
They’re Down To Evil Robots?
6×09 – S.R. 819 – Skinner has 24 hours to live. Little robots are inside him. Krycek wears a bad wig. Mulder’s senator friend can’t help. It’s a lot better than the other Skinner-centric offerings, but still not great.
A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Deaths
6×10 – TITHONUS – A newspaper photographer sees dead people. Except he doesn’t. Scully’s gonna die. Except she doesn’t. Stakeouts are interesting. Except they’re not. I should like this episode. Except I don’t.
The Truth Is Revealed! And It Was Stuff We Already Knew!
6×11 – TWO FATHERS – Cassandra Spender returns, completely healed and filled with the green stuff, and she’s got a brand new story to tell. Mulder shoots hoops instead of going to work and wants to play one-on-one with Scully. We learn that CSM has a name, the last being Spender. But we all knew that already. Krycek is hanging out with the Syndicate again and a Rebel Without A Face is impersonating one of the elders. We also learn that Diana Fowley has been working for CSM. Actually, most of us had pretty much figured that out. At least those of us who’ve watched this show before. (Recap by Bolissa)
The One Where The Syndicate Burns Up
6×12 – ONE SON – Cassandra’s attempted suicide fails. Mulder and Scully take a shower together. Krycek’s up to his old two-faced tricks. Marita Cornucopia is back, looking like every crack whore I’ve ever seen. Scully and The Lone Gunmen go digging for dirt on Diana. Mulder then tells Scully that she’s “making this personal”, lets Diana kiss him and momentarily decides to side with CSM, causing me to hate him with a fiery passion that lasts until The Unnatural airs. Then 1013 burns up the Syndicate because they couldn’t understand the mytharc anymore. Or maybe because Chris Carter’s weed was laced with something a bit stronger this week. Probably both. (Recap by Bolissa)
Tentacle? I Hardly Know…Acle
6 x 13 – AGUA MALA – Mulder and Scully idiotically fly to Florida during a hurricane because of how Arthur Dales invented the X-Files that one time. Once there they immediately start whining about it and trying to go home, but instead they end up stuck in a depressing apartment complex with a bunch of cranky weirdos. And also a sea monster. The mystery seems more or less solved in the first five minutes, but we get to sit through the whole thing anyway. Also starring a kittycat, and with a special appearance by my toilet. (Recap by As An Amoeba)
I Hate Mondays
MONDAY – Moose gets stuck in a bank robbery on Groundhog Day. Really. Since she’s been on the X-Files (a grand total of two episodes ago), Squirrel’s had loads of these days. Poor her.
That’s Right, Poopiehead!
ARCADIA – Mulder is a fan of The Dick Van Dyke Show. People are clumsy and stupid. Our heroes almost gets killed by soil again. Except this is WAY better than Schizogeny.
A Dog Of A Day
ALPHA – An evil dog starts stalking people in California. How very Buffy. In other news, Mulder gets another “I Want To Believe” poster. Not a lot else happens.
My Name Is Not Earl
TREVOR – It’s Pinker, and this Jason Lee act-alike can walk through walls. Sounds scary. But it all goes to Hell around the time he chases Our!Squirrel and His!Own!Son!Trevor into a phone booth and tries to kill them. He gets what’s coming to him.
It’s A Miracle That This Works
MILAGRO – A crazy author who lives in Mulder’s apartment building starts stalking Scully and pretends to be religious. His magic typewriter an make stories come true. I can’t believe they’re down to stealing ideas from Goosebumps. Seriously.
Yes, It Is Unnatural
THE UNNATURAL – This week, we learn that all of the baseball greats were aliens, that Arthur Dales has a brother, sister and goldfish named Arthur, and that speaking in tongues will only get you into trouble. Also, Scully and Mulder score a home run. (Oh, get your minds out of the gutter.)
The House Was So Full That Mulder Couldn’t Fit
THREE OF A KIND – A bizarre episode this week – no Mulder on screen, a one-off character returns, and it’s filmed in Vegas. Oh, and Scully gets drunk. Or high. Or something. Who cares what it is? It’s not really an X-File, and that’s what matters most.
Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall, Which Title Is Punniest Of All?
6×21 – FIELD TRIP – So, there’s these weird mushroom things, right? And they make you hallucinate, yeah? Well, Chris Carter and 1013 were on these for two years, see? Anyway, even THEY want Mulder and Scully to be a couple. Awww. (Recap by Namarie)
Origin Of The Mysterious Brain Disease
6×22 – BIOGENESIS – This episode contains an alien spacecraft vacationing on a beach in Africa, a creepy biologist, some monkeys, a Navajo man dying of cancer, a bowtie, some hidden cameras, an assassin with indeterminate loyalties, several giant eyebrows, a cougar taking off her shirt and some abnormal brain activity. So, yeah. Nothing you’d really be interested in. (Recap by Bolissa)