Good Cop, Insane Cop: The Adventures of Moose & Squirrel

Recap by Bolissa

I just want to start off by saying how much I loved this episode when it first aired and while originally I thought it was brand new mytharc (and in a small way it is), it’s more a psychological episode about Mulder’s emotional state and less about aliens. When I originally watched it, I was confused. I’m sure a lot of people were. But after years of multiple viewings and knowing what we all know now, I think I’ve begun to understand it. At least I think I do. And I’m about to find out as I recap it. Here we go…

Previously on The X-Files: Scully found an alien spacecraft in Africa and when translating the Navajo writings she misspelled Adenine. Mulder’s Mysterious Brain Disease was killing him. Mulder and Skinner wrestled. Skinner found Kritschgau living in the ghetto, they discovered that Mulder can read their minds and then they injected him with so much drugs he had a seizure. Diana Fowley confessed to Mulder of her “love”, but only after realizing she had been caught in her lies. And The One That Without Which Mulder Couldn’t Live Without held his hand and cried, telling him to “hold on” because they have an AlienMiracleBaby to make.

Beach Dream. Mulder’s sitting on a rock or something watching two parents teach their toddler son to walk. Let’s call him William, just for fun. ["Why not? Pretty much everyone else in the show is called William." - raceguy] Mulder looks content and at peace. And really hot. He’s barefoot, wearing jeans and has a gray pectastic t-shirt on.

Georgetown Memorial Hospital. The doctor is telling Teena “Selective Amnesia” Mulder that her son’s brain is going to die. Mulder’s just lying in bed, staring blankly and drooling. Teena pisses at the doctor, “Enough! There’s only so much bluntness a mother can take.” We all know how well Teena reacts to things like, the truth. “All you do is sedate him. You’re turning him… into a zombie.” A zombie? I would’ve thought that “vegetable” is a more accurate word choice. Mulder ain’t dead. Or is he? There is that whole death/resurrection – The Last Temptation of Christ thing they’ve got going in this episode, thanks to David “I was THIS CLOSE to getting my PHD in Literature from Yale” Duchovny. “I know you can hear me Fox. Can you give me a sign?” she says as she strokes his face. “I can hear you, Mom” Mulder says. In his head. “Mom, I can hear you. I’m here.” Inside Teena’s head: “I love you my darling boy.” Then she walks out as Mulder’s brain screams for her. You know, I would’ve loved to have heard what he was saying in his head when Scully was talking to him. Another stellar dramatic choice by 1013 Productions. ["It's right up there with not letting us see a certain murder later in this episode." - raceguy]

Some time goes by, and then we see CSM has arrived in Mulder’s room. Their entire conversation is spoken telepathically. Wait, CSM can read minds too? Huh. “When in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes. Ah, but your mummy will still love you. All a mother wants is to shield her boy from pain and danger. Safe in the world as he was once in the womb. But maybe we think a father demands more than mere survival. Maybe we’re afraid a father demands worldly adulation, success, heroism… I know you can hear me.” Mulder’s just lying there, drooling. But he can talk with his mind! “I could always hear you. Even when my mind is jammed with a thousand voices I can hear you like a snake hissing underneath. How the hell did you get in here?” CSM takes a syringe and fills it with something. Phenytoin? Sugar water? We’ll never know. Mulder thinks that CSM has come to kill him. CSM then injects said something into Mulder’s temple. Now they start speaking normal and not, you know, with their minds. “I’m giving you a choice,” CSM says. OH! OH! OH! This is your first clue that what’s happening, isn’t really happening. CSM has never, ever given either Mulder or Scully a real choice in anything that’s happened to them. Wait… am I giving it away? Well, you all read the spoiler policy. And why would you be reading a recap of an episode you haven’t watched yet? Go watch it! And then come back. And quit complaining! Anyhoo, CSM tells Mulder that he’s offering him the choice of “life or death.” He’s right by the way, but he’s also lying. We’ll get into that later. CSM tells Mulder that his account is squared with everyone, including the IRS, and tells him to get out of bed. “I’m dying, you idiot. If I could get up, I’d kick your ass.” Mulder’s all talk, yo. When has he ever done anything to CSM? Even when given the chance? CSM is not impressed. We have that in common. “Don’t be so dramatic. Only part of you is dying. The part that played the hero. You’ve suffered enough – for the X-Files, for your partner, for the world. You’re not Christ. You’re not Prince Hamlet. You’re not even Ralph Nader. You can walk out of this hospital and the world will forget you. Arise.” The world would forget him? Well, maybe. But Scully wouldn’t! Wisely, Mulder’s not buying it and wants to know what the heck CSM is doing to him. CSM is like, “Can’t you read my mind, there sport?” Mulder can’t. CSM is like, “Hold my hand.” Mulder’s like, “Why should I?” CSM’s like, “You have to take the first step.” We flash to Mulder’s Beach Dream and we see Dream ToddlerWilliam taking the man’s hand. CSM’s like, “Fooooxxxx, I am your faaaaattthhheerrrrr! Together we will rule the galaxy!” HA! Not really. But he does tell Mulder that he’s his daddy.

Old Credits. Amor Fati: It means something like “To Love Your Fate.” Which is something Mulder needs to learn, I’m guessing. And he learns it through his dreams! In one dream, he gets to pursue the kind of life he gave up for his quest. In the beach dream, the one where he’s most happy and peaceful, he sees what happens to his fate when he succumbs to the lies and temptations the other dream offers him. Like I said, it can get confusing. But I’m going to try to figure it out for the sake of us all! ["Well, someone has to." - raceguy]

LBO. Scully’s asleep at Mulder’s desk. Her laptop’s open and we can see the images of the spacecraft rubbings. Kritschgau enters the office and tells Scully that “sleep is a luxury.” Scully jumps awake. I just want to take this moment to say that Scully’s hair is looking fabulous! I think this is one of the best episodes for Scully, looks-wise. She’s simply stunning here. Anyways, Scully shuts the laptop and shoots KR an eyebrow. “How did you get in here?” KR tells her that “Getting in is easy. It’s what you do once you’re inside that’s key.” That’s what she said. Hee! I kill myself. Scully wants to know what the heck KR’s talking about. KR says that since she’s the only one who can get to Mulder, she needs to use that authority wisely. “Like you? Almost killing him by shooting him full of Phenytoin for a few moments of lucidity,” she snits. KR tells her that Mulder knows what’s wrong with him and that he needs to prove it. “It’s why he asked for me, not you.” He did ask for Scully! I hope you took those notes like I told you recap-readers: Mulder told Skinner he needed Scully. Scully, who wasn’t born yesterday, tells KR that she doesn’t believe him. “Two years ago your partner was infected with a virus he claimed was alien. A virus reactivated in him by exposure to a source of energy also alien. Agent Mulder is living proof of what he tried so long to substantiate: the existence of alien life.” Scully’s like, “Who cares about freaking aliens? The virus is killing him and we need to take it out!” KR gets even more pissy and leans into Scully’s personal space, all “You destroy this and I’ll destroy you.” What can KR possibly do to Scully? She’s an FBI agent. And a freaking good one at that. KR no longer works for the government and he lives in a crack house. So, I’m doubting Scully feels all that threatened. The LBO phone rings and KR leaves. It’s the Skinman calling. He tells Scully she needs to get down to the hospital because Mulder’s missing.

GMH. Scully bursts into Mulder’s room and she’s eyebrowing all over the place. Skinner and another FBI agent are already there. Scully points out that there were guards posted and Mulder couldn’t have just gotten up and walked out. Skinner tells her that Teena Mulder checked him out. Another intelligent choice made by Mama Mulder! Give this woman a parenting award! ["You heard the recapper, Britney. Hand it back." - raceguy] Scully wants to know if anybody has thought about calling her. Skinner wants Scully to handle it from here on out and doesn’t want to be involved in the case anymore. As Skinner leaves, Scully’s like “This ain’t about a case! An agent is missing! Agent Mulder! My wise-cracking albeit brilliant partner, who at times is a pain but I know you care about him. Although to what extent, I’m not sure.” Skinner tells Scully that he’s in “a compromised position” and the less he knows about her and Mulder, the better. Then he leaves.

Beach Dream. Mulder’s still sitting on that rock, wearing that gray pectastic t-shirt. By the way, credits are still rolling and we are now finally told that this ep was written by David Duchovny and Chris Carter. ["So that explains the schizophrenic nature of this episode!" - raceguy]

Anyways, out of the sunlight comes a boy. I’m assuming the same boy from earlier, except he’s aged a few years. BoyWilliam looks about 6 or 7 years old. He speaks to Mulder in CSM’s voice, “the child is father to the man.”

Betrayal Dream. Mulder wakes from the beach dream to find himself in the passenger seat next to CSM, who’s driving. Mulder’s still rocking his hospital gown and he’s got handcuffs on. Mulder’s in severe need of a shower. CSM tells Mulder that he had his doctors work on him because “at some point I realized that if the Syndicate didn’t kill you the FBI would. If the FBI didn’t kill you your own misguided heroism would. There’s really no way out for you. There’s no way for you to cheat death except by disappearing.” Isn’t the Syndicate destroyed? That was in Season 6, right? I thought so. Mulder says that people can’t just disappear. CSM tells him that whole cultures can disappear. The Anasazi, perhaps? CSM tells Mulder that he’ll become just like him, “a man without a name.” Mulder doesn’t quip that CSM indeed does have a name, CGB Spender, but instead keeps silent and lets him babble. “Like me, now, you’ll… you’ll become a man without a name. But even while you miss your former identity, you’ll… you’ll learn to love life’s simpler pleasures.” Mulder cracks that that’ll be kind of difficult wearing handcuffs. CSM tells him that when no longer wants to run, they’ll come off. Mulder’s trapped! By CSM’s lies! CSM asks Mulder how he feels. “I feel better than I did. I’ve got to tell Scully. I’ve got to tell her.” Yes, Mulder! You can’t forget about Scully. That’s important! “If you do have contact with her you’ll put her in danger. You’re entering a kind of, uh, witness protection program, for want of a better term.” CSM offers Mulder a cigarette and Mulder tells him that he doesn’t smoke. “Maybe now you do.” Why is Mulder believing anything CSM is telling him?

Scully’s Apartment of Dead Sisters and Visitors From Beyond. I love Scully’s apartment. It’s so nice. Scully’s hair is looking fab, ya’ll. She looks exhausted and drops her keys on her kitchen table. She opens the fridge but is startled when she hears a sound in the apartment. She pulls out her gun and stalks back towards the living room. There’s a shadowed figure standing in front of her door. “Don’t move. Who’s there?” Out of the shadows walks Albert Hosteen and he’s looking cancer-free. Okay, sidebar: Does anybody else get pissed off at the DVD subtitles? I swear the subtitles for Biogenesis spelled his name Holsteen and now it’s Hosteen. Also, the subtitles for Sixth Extinction spelled Sumeria as “Sumaria.” There was something else, too, but now I forget. I’m sorry, but spelling and grammar is a peeve of mine. Moving on… “I don’t mean to frighten you. Albert Hosteen.” Scully drops her gun and asks him how he got there. Hosteen avoids this question and just apologizes for surprising her. “Surprise? That you’re standing here. The last time I saw you was in New Mexico. They’d taken you from the hospital. Your… your doctors feared the worst.” Hosteen doesn’t comment on this either and tells Scully that he wanted to see her partner. Scully tells Hosteen that Mulder is missing. Hosteen tells her that she must save him. Scully tells him that Mulder’s very sick. “You must find him before something happens not only for his sake — for the sake of us all.” Scully looks confused and so do I. “Us all?” The Indians? Mankind in general? The aliens? The spirit world? Hmm… I don’t know.

Betrayal Dream. CSM and Mulder have now arrived at the Suburbia of Lies. CSM has pulled up in front of a house and basically tells Mulder that this is his home now. “This is your new life.” He gives Mulder a key and then Mulder says he doesn’t understand. CSM gets out of the car and says “You can drive away right now. Drive back to Scully and your X-Files and imminent death and I wouldn’t be surprised if you did but I think you should take a look around. I mean, why leave something behind until you… until you know what it is you’re leaving?” Cram it, CSM. This is what I meant when I said that CSM was right about the choice of “life or death.” Mulder does indeed have that choice. Except, returning to Scully is the road to life. Abandoning her will only lead to his death. Let’s hope he realizes this before it’s too late. CSM walks away, leaving Mulder in the car.

LBO. Scully and that random agent from earlier are going over the security footage from the hospital. I think Random Agent is pretty cute. Cute Random Agent tells Scully that “Mulder was taken out of the hospital at just before 2:00 a.m. His mother’s signature’s on the hospital documents. It’s her handwriting, she checked him out a.m.a; against medical advice.” They then watch security footage which shows cameras in Mulder’s room and outside in the hallway being blacked out. “Check this out. Where’s Waldo? She’s talking to someone.” Cute Random Agent shows Scully blacked out video footage that conveniently has left a spot clear that lets us see Teena Mulder talking to someone smoking a cigarette. Scully knows who it is and so do we. Goodbye Cute Random Agent. I’m sure you’ve now been added to the long line of random agents within a twenty mile radius of Agent Scully who’ve fallen for her. So, take care of yourself. All records indicate that she is extremely hard to get over.

Betrayal Dream. Mulder knocks on the House of Death and lets himself in. It’s completely furnished, but nobody’s around. He walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge. For those of you who like details, Mulder’s fridge contains: milk, juice, mayo, other condiments, eggs, butter, cheese and a pineapple. Oh, also lots of bags of Spitz sunflower seeds. “They can change your name but they can’t change the things you love.” Hey! It’s Deep Throat! Dude, why weren’t you in the finale? Was your ghost too busy watching Golden Girls re-runs? Anyways, Mulder’s shocked to see him standing in the kitchen. “It can’t be. You’re dead.” Deep Throat just laughs and says that he’s “really relaxed.” Mulder tells him that Scully saw him get shot and that he was sure DT was dead. Mulder hugs DT. Well, kind of. He’s still handcuffed so he just kind of cups DT’s face. DT lifts up his shirt and says “one, uh, well-placed bullet… A punctuation mark in a man’s life and you get to start a whole new chapter. I’m fine, son. Aside from a little tennis elbow.” Mulder’s very happy to see DT. He sits down at the table and tells DT that he felt responsible for his death. DT tells him to let it go. Mulder says that he thought DT had died “for my quest.” DT smiles and says “Yes, along with Scully’s sister and the man you thought was your father and Duane Barry and even Scully’s mysterious illness and on and on and on. You can let go of all that guilt. I’m here to tell you that you’re not the hub of the universe, the cause of life and death. We — you and I — we’re… merely puppets in a master plan. No more, no less. You’ve suffered enough. Now you should enjoy your life. Let me show you something. That’s my wife and daughters, we live just down the street. I hope… you’ll visit us for dinner. We should also get together and watch some old tapes of this show called My So-Called Life. It’s a great show. Something this Brian kid says is so true: ‘If you, like, analyze why certain other people end up with certain other people, it’ll make you want to kill yourself.’ Just something I thought you’d like to keep in mind.” Later, Mulder’s fallen asleep in a chair and we see an ashtray filled with sunflower seed shells.

Beach Dream. BoyWilliam is making a small UFO out of sand but the tide washes it away. He starts to cry. Mulder kneels down next to him and tells him to start over again. Mulder sweetly pats BoyWilliam’s head and wipes away his tears. Uh oh. This isn’t a good sign, ya’ll.

Betrayal Dream. Mulder’s in bed now. He’s still handcuffed but he’s managed to remove his hospital gown. The door opens and Mulder nervously gets out of bed. “Who’s there? Who are you?” A woman wearing a long, black negligee walks into the room. Ewwwwwww. It’s Diana “Love My Jugs” Fowley. “Hundreds of little joys — to open a door and have a woman beckon you in, to have her make a fire and lay the table for you and when it’s late, to feel her take you into her arms.” Mulder doesn’t say anything, just stands there and stares at her. She’s got the keys to his handcuffs. Interesting. Diana seems like the type of lady who’d rather keep the cuffs on. Oh! Remember what CSM said about how the cuffs will come off when Mulder no longer wants to leave? The physical cuffs come off, sure. But Mulder’s still trapped by Diana and her jugs. Don’t buy into the lies, Mulder! By the way, the Jugs are out in full force and they’re scaring me. Mulder wraps his arms around Diana and kisses her. Ewwwww. Ew. Ew. Ewwwwwwwwww!

LBO. Scully’s on the phone and leaves a message on Teena Mulder’s answering machine. Scully looks really good. Her hair is like, bouncy and curling a little at the ends. And she looks really young here, too. A mail carrier brings her an Interdepartmental Envelope. I use those same exact envelopes at work all the time. So, I’m taking that as a huge Shout Out to me. Inside the envelope is a book “Native American Beliefs and Practices.” The writing at the top matches some symbols from one of the spacecraft rubbings. Inside the book, Scully turns to a chapter about the vanishing Anasazi, myth, the Apocalypse and the Sixth Extinction. She calls Skinner and asks him if he sent her the book. Skinner’s like, “I told you to leave me out of it.” Scully tells him that the book explains everything. How “they” took Mulder because they think his illness is a gift, “protection against the coming plague.” Skinner hangs up on her. Nice. Scully high tails it up to Skinner’s offce, blows past Arlene and walks in on Skinner bent over in pain at his desk and some dude with long gray hair running from the office. Ok, we all know it’s Krycek. But why is he wearing a wig? He had no problem going into the FBI in Biogenesis without a disguise. Why can’t I figure him out? What the heck is he up to? Scully quickly checks on Skinner to make sure he’s not hurt too bad, tells Arlene to “get on the phone” and then chases Krycek down the hall. We see him put the Palm Pilot of Death back into his pocket as he pulls the fire alarm. Scully runs into a crowd of people now in the hallway. Foiled!

Betrayal Dream. Mulder’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt that looks a little too big for him. He walks down to the driveway to pick up the newspaper. Out comes Diana wearing this horrid gray and pink pants and sweater set. Ugh. Mulder looks at her with this whole shy, “we just had sex” awkward grin on his face. I want to punch him. Diana asks Mulder what’s wrong. Mulder tells her that there’s nothing wrong and everything’s perfect, so “what the hell am I doing here?” Diana smiles and tells Mulder he just needs coffee. I’d like to punch her, too. Mulder tells her that he’s being serious, that he has commitments to the X-Files, to Scully, to his sister. Oh, so now you remember Scully? Well, damn straight you have a commitment to her! So get back to her! Diana tells Mulder that those commitments are childish. Mulder balks at this. “You’ve been a child… with only the responsibility of a child to your own dreams and fantasies but you won’t know the true joy of responsibility until you plant your feet in the world… and become a father.” Ok, essentially this is all happening in Mulder’s head. So this comment by Diana’s combined with the boy on the beach might be Mulder’s desire for family. Or maybe it’s some kind of prophetic look into his future? I don’t know. “Diana, if… you lay all this on me after I sleep with you one time what’s it going to be like tomorrow?” Mulder cracks. Diana tells Mulder to let go. Mulder asks her why in the world he should just slip into domestic bliss when he doesn’t trust CSM, blah blah. Diana tells him that CSM lives down the street and they’ll visit him after breakfast. Mmm, I’m hungry. I sure could go for some blueberry pancakes. Does anybody want to make me some? Anyone?

KR’s “Swanky Address”. Scully busts into KR’s apartment and confronts him about Skinner being attacked. She wants to know who KR told about Mulder’s condition. KR looks nervous and then says that he didn’t tell anyone. Scully notices KR’s laptop and sees that he’s got copies of her rubbings. She’s royally pissed. “What is this? These are mine. You’ve hacked into my files. What are you doing with these?” KR tells her that he’s having them analyzed by the National Institutes of Health. Scully deletes the files off his laptop. KR asks her where she found the rubbings and tells her that “wherever you got it, that data supports what’s happened to Mulder. It proves what he’s become — biologically alien.” Does this somehow help explain the AlienMiracleBaby? Like, Mulder and Scully’s combined alien DNA issues, combined with the healing power of the spacecraft combined with spirit guides, the chip in Scully’s neck and messed up water all somehow make William possible? Will we ever know? I doubt it. KR tells her that those rubbings must matter to someone and “they’re looking for Mulder, too.” Who? Krycek? Is he looking for Mulder? I mean, CSM already has Mulder. So then what is Krycek doing? Ahhhhh! My head hurts.

Betrayal Dream. Mulder and Diana are knocking on CSM’s door. CSM acts surprised to see them, saying that he expected Mulder to take a few days to settle in. Diana tells CSM that he needs to reassure Mulder that his staying in the Suburbia of Lies is the right choice. Mulder cracks about CSM having a bigger house. CSM tells him that he has three grandkids and points across the street. There we see the Fake Samantha of Redux II playing with three little blonde girls. Fake Samantha runs across and gives Mulder a big hug and he smiles. “He said you were coming,” she says. Ok, sidebar: Mulder knows that this Samantha is fake. In fact, everyone in this dream has lied to him or betrayed him in one way or another, which he conveniently forgets. They’re all comforting him and reassuring him, but they’re really trapping him into a death sentence. They all refer to his commitment to Scully as something that’s “childish”, causes him guilt and it’ll only lead to his “imminent death.” Oh, the irony! Everyone tells Mulder that he’s not that important and they want him to give up his quest. This is a huge lie. Obviously, Mulder holds great importance for the world. Just as Albert Hosteen told Scully.

Secret Government Medical Facility. CSM and Diana are watching as Mulder’s spread out on this table a la Jesus on the cross and he’s got this metal bar going around his head like a crown of thorns. Subtle. CSM tells Diana that “a father has high hopes for his son” and that Mulder’s going to change the world. He’s also proud of Mulder’s “capacity for suffering.” Diana says “like father like son.” Ok, I’d really like to punch her. Hard. “They think what he has is killing him but, in actuality, he’s never been more alive.” Yes. WE KNOW. How many times does it need to be said? Diana and CSM then chat about Mulder’s dreams blah simpler life blah small pleasures blahbity blee. “Dreams are all he has now.”

FBI. KICK ASS SCENE. Diana walks to the elevator and waits. Scully approaches her. “Bum a cigarette, Agent Fowley?” Diana says that she doesn’t smoke. “Really? I could swear I smell cigarette smoke on you.” OH, SNAP! Scully is awesome, yo. Diana turns around, “Let’s cut the crap, shall we?” Scully is one massive eyebrow as she says “yes, let’s.” They walk into an empty office, conference room, whatever. I’d like to point out that Scully is looking fab! And Diana’s looking a little old. ["old-ER." - raceguy]

Scully: Where’s Mulder?

Diana: Maybe before you go around blaming everyone you can find for what’s happened to Mulder, you could think about what you could’ve done to prevent it.

Scully: I just want you to think. Think of Mulder when you met him. Think of the promise and the life in front of him. Think of him now. And then try and stand there in front of me, look me in the eye and tell me Mulder wouldn’t bust his ass trying to save you.

Diana: I’m thinking, Agent Scully. I’m always thinking.

Scully Love! Scully Love! She rocks. I’d like to point out that Diana sits around, let’s these things happen to Mulder and then tries to lay the blame on Scully. Scully, however, flies to the other side of the world and is actually DOING SOMETHING to try and save Mulder’s life. So, yeah. Who really loves Mulder? In the truest sense of the word? I’ll give you all a hint: it ain’t Diana.

SGMF. Mulder’s still out like a light. CSM is chatting with a Project Doctor about the procedure, Mulder, etc. The Project Doctor is amazed, “after all these years trying to develop a compatible alien-human hybrid and to have one ready-made.” CSM is proud of the fact that he kept Mulder alive for this purpose. The Project Doctor is like, “Dude. You had no idea this would happen.” CSM is like, “Yeah but he’s still our savior. Our hero.” The Project Doctor says that the procedure might kill Mulder. CSM is like, “Oh well.”

Betrayal Dream. Mulder’s wearing a tuxedo and Diana’s in a wedding gown. As Mulder lifts her veil, he turns around when he hears her voice behind him. She’s walking into the bedroom and she’s very pregnant. She tells “Fox” that’s it’s time. Mulder turns around again, and he holds a door open as two boys run into the room and hug Diana. Neither are the boy from the beach. As Mulder turns again, he sees himself in the mirror and he’s aged quite a bit and his hair’s turned gray. He looks like he’s in his 60’s. He turns again and sees Diana lying in a coffin. Mulder’s aged some more, but Diana looks as she hasn’t aged. Mind you, she still looks old. But she hasn’t gone gray or anything. Probably thanks to Miss Clairol. Mulder cries, or attempts to, over Diana’s coffin. CSM places his hand on Mulder’s shoulder. He hasn’t aged either.

SGMF. Diana’s caressing Mulder’s face. CSM tells her that Mulder’s making a sacrifice for the world. Diana thinks that it would’ve been nice to give Mulder a choice. Oooh, sounds like a petite redhead pricked somebody’s conscience. CSM claims that Mulder would’ve chosen this for himself, so become what he was searching for. Diana’s all, “we’ll never know.” CSM says that he’ll be taking over for Mulder now anyways. Diana’s caresses Mulder’s face again. I contemplate setting her hair on fire.

Betrayal Dream. Mulder’s really, really old, yo. His hair is thinning and he looks dried up, basically. He’s sitting in a chair and CSM is standing next to him. CSM looks the same as always. CSM tells him that he knows about the boy. “The boy on the beach. The vision you go to in your mind. We all have such places… born of memory and desire.” So, Mulder’s real desire is this boy? And it comes from somewhere buried deep inside his memory? “I’ve seen him thousands of times. I’ve never seen what he wants me to see,” Mulder says. CSM tells Mulder to close his eyes, because the boy is ready to show him. Mulder smiles and closes his eyes.

Beach Dream. BoyWilliam has made a huge UFO out of sand. He seems excited to see Mulder, who’s still in his gray pectastic t-shirt, and starts jumping up and down. Mulder is impressed and asks the boy what he made. “An unidentified flying object.” Then the boy jumps down next to Mulder and starts kicking and tearing it apart. Mulder is confused. “Hey! What are… what are you doing? Why are you destroying your spaceship?” BoyWilliam is angry. “It’s your spaceship. You’re destroying it.” BoyWilliam then throws a handful of sand at Mulder. “You were supposed to help me.”

Mulder: That’s it! You’re grounded, mister!

BoyWilliam: You can’t ground me! You’re the one who gave me up to some farmers!

Mulder: That was your mother.

BoyWilliam: Yeah well, where is she? Did you abandon her too?

Mulder: Uhhh…

Actually, Mulder has no response and just watches him destroy the ship. Ok, sidebar: I think the boy on the beach represents Mulder’s future, his fate, etc. As soon as Mulder buys into the lies and temptations in the other dream, the beach dream that was once a peaceful place starts falling apart. The boy is now sad and angry. These are the choices in front of Mulder. I’m sure Diana and the Jugs have been hanging around in the back of his head since she returned in The End. And Season 6 was kind of rough on Mulder and Scully’s relationship. Largely due to Diana doing her part in attempting to thwart their work and undermine their faith in each other. This beach dream, or his fate, is what he must sacrifice to be with the Diana he’s romanticized in his mind. However, in the dream Diana does tell Mulder that the real truth he’s seeking is becoming a father. It seems as though Mulder is beginning to understand that his search for the truth isn’t really about the existence of aliens, which he’s already believed for years and years, but something more important. Like having an AlienMiracleBaby with the one person that without which he couldn’t live without! Oooh, wait! What if the boy on the beach represents Scully? I guess that would make sense, too. Sort of. Oh, man. My head is really starting to hurt. ["Yours? I have to edit the work of someone whose head is about to explode!" - raceguy]

Scully’s Apartment of Indeterminate Lonely Night Booty Calls. Scully walks in and Albert Hosteen is there. He tells her that she’s running out of time. “Why do you come to me like this? Why? When I can’t find him.” Hosteen tells her that she’s not looking in the right place. Where has she been looking exactly? I take it Teena “Mother of the Year” Mulder hasn’t returned her phone calls. “You don’t know where he is?” Hosteen asks. “Even if I did I wouldn’t know how to save him. This science makes no sense to me.” Oh, dear. Scully needs to realize some truths too, ya’ll. Mulder needs to realize, which I think he’s starting to, that the truth isn’t about proving to the world that aliens exist. And Scully needs to realize that the truth is not found in her freaking science. Well, at least by the opening of Trust No 1, she’s finally realized this. Ok, after watching this ep or reading this recap pop in your Season 9 DVD and watch Scully’s voice-over. Or head over to TWoP and read Jessica’s recap because she transcribed the voice-over. Mulder and Scully eventually found the truth, but it wasn’t in outer space and it wasn’t in science. Anyhoo, rant over. Hosteen points to Scully’s chest, right over her heart and asks “Have you looked for him here?” Scully wants to know if he’s asking her to pray. Hosteen pulls her down and they kneel on the the floor. Hosteen then says, one of my favorite quotes of all time, “There are more worlds than the one you can hold in your hand.” They pray.

SGMF. Mulder and CSM, heads mere inches apart, are being prepped for surgery. Diana’s got her scrubs on. CSM tells Diana that there’s “poetry in this.” Ok, sure. Diana isn’t so enthused. “You’re removing genetic material that may kill your son.” CSM is all, “next step in evolution” blah “save men” blee. “We’re doing God’s work, Diana. Without this immunity, everyone would die. This knowledge is God’s blessing. I’ll carry on for Mulder from here.” Aww, man. Now God has to smite you. I suspect in the form of lung cancer and something involving Krycek and a wheelchair. And then possibly some missiles. CSM holds Diana’s hand and smiles. I wonder what the exact nature of their relationship was. Ew. That’s disturbing. Diana doesn’t look too happy. Some time later, Mulder opens his eyes during surgery. Diana is freaked out by this and the doctors comment that Mulder “won’t stay under” but they can’t push him any further because if he’s any flatter, “he’d be circling the drain.” Diana looks worried. She looks into his eyes and then leaves the room, using her key card to exit.

Betrayal Dream. If you thought Mulder couldn’t look any older, you were wrong. He’s all crinkled up and his voice barely works. He’s lying in bed, and CSM is sitting in a chair next to him. Mulder asks CSM to open the curtains because he wants to look outside. CSM says “I wanted you to have peace.” Looking out the window isn’t peaceful? Mulder asks for Samantha. CSM tells him that she died 5 years ago. Mulder looks sad. Mulder than asks for Deep Throat. “We’ve been over this. He’s dead. Diana’s dead… and Scully.” Mulder gasps. “Scully’s dead?” CSM’s like, “Yep. Really dead.” Mulder’s face crumples and he starts crying. “It’s time for you to let go. They’re waiting for you… if you let go. Close your eyes, Fox.” Mulder lets out a huge sigh. “We’re the last, you and I.” CSM smiles and says that they’re the end and the beginning. Mulder sighs again. He then asks CSM to change his bedpan. CSM ignores him. “There’s nothing to be done. Nothing at all.” CSM looks out the window. The alien invasion in in full effect, typical doomsday scenes with UFOs flying around.

KR’s “Swanky Address”. All KR’s files are burning up. Krycek drops his wig into the fire. We see KR dead on the floor with a gunshot to the forehead. Krycek exits the building, carrying KR’s laptop. Good thing Scully deleted those files. For crying out loud, what in the world is Krycek doing? Who is he working for? CSM? The Super Soldiers? Other shady characters we’ve never seen? Himself? Will nobody tell me?!?!?! AAAAHHHH!!!dj zzzzzddd xxxbfbadzz zzzzvk;n vipruh9-aS[DJAOS;;KLZDZX;dasUD0[9wjiqwjiqwjiqwjiq... Sorry about that. My brain exploded. My hospital stay was brief and my brain was fully repaired, I hope. ["So do I. I have other recaps of yours to edit." - raceguy] The doctor told me to stay off my feet and avoid watching The X-Files. So, where were we?

Scully’s Apartment of Attacks by Liver Eating Mutants and Fetish Freaks. She’s asleep on the floor and Albert Hosteen is gone. There’s footsteps outside and an envelope is pushed under her door. Scully wakes up and walks over to pick up the envelope. I admire Scully’s manicure. She pulls out a Department of Defense key card from the envelope. She then immediadely leaves and walks down the hall, taking the stairs. Scully’s hair looks so good! It’s all bouncy and long-ish. I’m going to hate it when she cuts it later.

SGMF: Department of Defense. The doctors are finishing up Mulder’s surgery. Scully’s walking around the halls of the DoD. I guess their security is pretty lax. Or maybe this is happy hour. Anyways, Scully uses the key card to open a door.

Betrayal Dream. A very pissed off Scully walks into Mulder’s bedroom. She hasn’t aged at all. Mulder is very happy to see her and reaches out his hand to grab her wrist. Scully’s like, “Mulder this was the worst ditch in the history of ditches! Even worse than that time you left me with that alien bounty hunter while you went off in a motorboat with Jeremiah Smith!” Not really.

Mulder: Oh, Scully! I knew you’d come. They told me you were dead.

Scully: And you believed them. Traitor.

Mulder: What?

Scully: Deserter. Coward.

Mulder: Scully, don’t… I’m dying.

Scully: You’re not supposed to die, Mulder — not here.

Mulder: What do you mean? The autoerotic asphyxiation thing?

Scully: Not in a comfortable bed with the devil outside.

Mulder: No, you don’t understand. He’s taking care of me. Even though he won’t change my bedpan.

Scully: No, Mulder, he’s lulled you to sleep. He’s made you trade your true mission for creature comforts.

Mulder: There was no mission. There were no aliens. So, do you think you could change my bedpan?

Scully: No aliens. Have you looked outside, Mulder?

Mulder: I can’t. I’m… too tired. Plus, Wheel of Fortune is coming on in a few minutes.

Scully: No, Mulder, you must get up. You must get up and fight… especially you. This isn’t your place. Get up, Mulder. Get up and fight the fight!

Scully turns and walks out of the room. Mulder is upset and starts calling her name, louder and louder.

SGMF: DoD. An anxious Scully unlocks a door and walks into Mulder’s room. The surgery is over and he is alone. His head is bandaged and he’s still in his Jesus on a Cross position. Scully gently rubs the side of his head. “Mulder. Mulder, you’ve got to wake up. I’ve got to get you out of here. Mulder, can you understand me?” she whispers. Mulder’s eyelids flutter and we flash to Old Mulder screaming under his restraints. Dude, Old Mulder must’ve stopped brushing his teeth because they’re as yellow as dandelions. Gross. Scully starts to cry. “Mulder, you’ve got to get up. I don’t know how much time we have. You’ve got to get up, Mulder.” Old Mulder’s screaming again. “No one can do it but you, Mulder. Mulder, help me. Please, Mulder.” As a tear falls on Mulder’s eyelid and rolls down his pretty face, he wakes up as Scully presses her cheek to his. Mulder swallows and Scully lifts her head to face him. “You… help… me” he whispers. Scully lifts him up as he wraps his arm around her. They then run off to Africa and live in a tent; eating fish and drinking coconut milk while they try and decipher those spacecraft rubbings. To fund this project, Mulder runs a small parasailing and jetski operation. Ok, not really. But I would totally watch that show. ["Why am I envisioning an Amazing Race crossover?" - raceguy]

Mulder’s Hallway of Partnership Epiphanies. One week later. Scully’s sporting her short haircut. Blah. But I can overlook it because I LOVE this scene. She’s wearing some fabulous shoes, though. She knocks on Mulder’s door. In about a millisecond, he opens it wide and he’s very happy to see her. “Scully, what are you doing here? Actually, I was just getting dressed to come see you but I… I couldn’t find a tie to go with my victory cap.” Wouldn’t it have been awesome if, instead of the Yankees, Mulder’s “victory cap” was one of those red “Superstar!” ones from Small Potatoes? HA! That would’ve been hilarious! Scully takes off Mulder’s hat and tells him “Mulder, no work. You have to go back to bed.” She starts to take his tie but he grabs it first. “Oh, wait. Tie goes to the runner.” Mulder laughs. It’s nice to know that invasive brain surgery hasn’t stilted his ability to crack lame jokes. “Scully, I, um… I was coming down… to work to tell you that Albert Hosteen is dead. He died last night in New Mexico. He’d been in a coma for two weeks. There was… no way he could have been in your apartment.” Scully is shocked by this. “He was there — we… we prayed together. Mulder, I don’t believe that. I… I don’t believe it. It’s impossible.” Mulder nods his head and asks “Is it any more impossible than what you saw in Africa or what you saw in me?” Scully looks down and her voice breaks. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.” Mulder looks sad and steps closer to her. “Mulder, I was so determined to find a cure to save you that I could deny what it was that I saw and now I don’t even know… I don’t know… I don’t know what the truth is… I don’t know who to listen to. I don’t know who to trust.” Scully is crying. “Diana Fowley was found murdered this morning.” That sound? X-Philes worldwide rejoicing. “I never trusted her… but she helped save your life just as much as I did.” Not true, Scully. She only gave you the key after Mulder had been taken and his head cut open. In other words, the damage was done. Diana didn’t save Mulder, you did. “She gave me that book. It was her key that led me to you. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry. I know she was your friend.” Mulder looks shocked, but not really all that upset. Scully’s face crumples, she reaches up and puts her arms around Mulder’s neck. He wraps his arms around her and holds her. “Scully, I was like you once — I didn’t know who to trust. Then I… I chose another path… another life, another fate, where I found my sister. Even though my world was unrecognizable and upside down, there was one thing that remained the same.” He cups her face in his hands and gazes at her. “You… were my friend, and you told me the truth.” See what I meant earlier when I told you to watch the voice-over from Trust No 1? For Mulder, “the truth” is Scully. For Scully, “the truth” is Mulder. And it warms my shipper heart. ["And makes my noromo heart dry-retch. Feh." - raceguy] Scully wraps her hands around Mulder’s wrists. “Even when the world was falling apart, you were my constant… my touchstone.” “And you are mine,” Scully says. Mulder smiles and nods his head. Mulder leans down towards her and she gives him a nice, long Forehead Kiss of Co-Working Soulmates. The gaze at each other and Scully holds his face in her hands, sliding them down until her thumbs brush his lips very intimately. They’re in luuurrvvve, ya’ll. She then leaves. Mulder closes his eyes. SQUEE!!!! I. Love. That. Scene.

Beach Dream. Mulder and BoyWilliam are both working on a giant sand UFO. They’re smiling and laughing, clearly enjoying themselves.

Whew! I can’t believe I got through that. I remember when I watched this ep when it first aired, with my friend who was also a huge X-Files fan. After it ended, I turned to her and ranted something like “It is now completely unrealistic for Mulder and Scully’s relationship to remain in stalemate. Diana is dead and gone. Mulder could read minds last week, so he knows how Scully really feels about him. And after that hallway scene… they HAVE to get together now! Keeping them apart no longer makes sense!” etc. And then after watching Rush and The Goldberg Variation, I thought that there was definitely something going on between them. I was like, “They’re SO doing it.” My friend thought I was crazy. And then we watched all things and she basically had to eat her words.

---

Recap by Bolissa