6X08 – RAIN KING
by foxestacado
Recap by Bolissa
The Cherokee tribe performed rain dances to both induce precipitation and to cleanse evil spirits from the earth. The legend of the tribe holds that the rain summoned contains the spirits of past tribal chiefs who battle evil spirits in the space between our reality and the spirit world. It was also believed that elaborate rain dances could inspire the participants, as well as onlookers, to partake in extreme acts of worship. You will see none of that in this episode.
Kroner, Kansas. Valentine’s Day. We open up to some cheesy Dollar Store Valentine’s card and then we see someone’s hand, with fake nails and whore-ish red nail polish, sign “Love, Sheila XOXOX” on the inside. Wow. A woman of many words. She places the card on top of some gift boxes with red wrapping paper. Hey! It’s that chick from Saturday Night Live. Sheila’s got big blonde hair and is wearing a red negligee. She lights some red candles and she’s watching the home shopping network. She then changes the channel to watch the news and there’s an upcoming story about two pandas in love. We then see the weather report. There’s apparently a drought. Then this redneck dude who sort of looks like Bill Paxton, but not as good-looking, walks in and he starts berating Sheila for announcing their engagement in the paper. Apparently, it was supposed to be a secret. Yeah. Somebody needs to clue this bimbo in. Sheila agrees that money is tight because of the drought, but they shouldn’t put their lives on hold just because it hasn’t rained in awhile. Well, that’s what she basically says. I’m not very good at writing hick-speak, so I’m just going to translate it into regular English. NotBillPaxton thinks they should call off the engagement. On Valentine’s Day. Kick this guy to the curb. Sheila gets upset and tells him that she has a feeling that it’ll rain soon. NotBillPaxton says that he needs time to think. He then looks over at the table and sees an opened box of chocolates and some empty wrappers. “Oh, look at that. And you wonder why your ass is so big.” He then walks out. Classy. NotBillPaxton gets in his car and drives off. Sheila sits on the couch, looking at their engagement announcement and turns on the radio. She surfs the stations until stopping at The Carpenters’ “Rainy Days and Mondays.” NotBillPaxton is listening to the same song in his car. He’s drinking and driving. Ooh, that’s naughty! It then starts raining. We see Sheila sitting on the couch and crying. Hmm. Sitting at home alone, listening to The Carpenters and pigging out on chocolate candy. That’s pretty much like every night at my apartment. So NotBillPaxton… you know what? I’m just going to call him Daryl because we’ve all seen this episode before and we know what his name is. So Daryl is driving in the rain and he’s all excited, then it turns to hail, he loses control of the car and crashes into a pole. Or a tree. Whatever. He’s in pain and then a huge piece of hail knocks him in the head and he passes out. We then see that the hail are huge heart shapes. By the way, The Carpenters are still going strong.
Credits. Jeffrey Bell wrote this episode. He might’ve peaked here, because I don’t know if The Goldberg Variation is necessarily an improvement.
Kroner, Kansas. Six Months Later. A small airplane lands in a dried up field, with nothing around except for a trailer. Mulder and Scully get out of the plane. You wouldn’t get me in one of those tiny planes. Well, unless Mulder was with me. Then I might consider it. Mulder and Scully are greeted by the mayor and his daughter, who’s dressed in a red, white and blue leotard and twirling a baton. She’s also playing music on a boombox. Mulder and Scully exchange a look. “Don’t look at me. This was your idea,” she tells Mulder. They approach the mayor and he greets Mulder, saying that they had spoken on the phone. The mayor then looks at Scully. “If I’d have known you was bringing the missus, I would’ve arranged for fancier accommodations.” Mulder waggles his eyebrows and smiles, but says nothing and looks at Scully. Scully clears the matter up by saying that she’s Mulder’s partner. Potato Potahto. Let’s face it, they’re married. Just not legally. Or sexually. Yet. Anyways, Scully is sure the accommodations will be fine. The mayor shakes her hand and apologizes. Mulder seems pleasantly amused by this. The mayor then thanks them for flying out to Kansas to help them with their crisis and he wishes they could’ve had a bigger welcome. Sidebar: How did they get Kersh to allow this little trip? I mean, he must’ve allowed it since he wasn’t calling them up and chewing them out. But this isn’t domestic terrorism. Well… the baton twirling might be. Anyways, the mayor tells his daughter to stop the show and go find her mother. Scully inquires after the crisis since Mulder hasn’t filled her in on the specific details, as per usual. The mayor says that the drought is ruining everyone’s lives and that it’s not fair for one single man to benefit from it. Apparently, Daryl from the teaser is charging people for rain. He comes to a farm, does a “dog and pony act and the heavens weep.” Scully doesn’t think that’s a crime. The mayor is of the opinion that Daryl’s causing the drought so he can charge for rain. Scully gives Mulder the Look of Death. He tries to look innocent.
Downtown Kroner. Mulder and Scully get out of their Sensible Rental Car and walk down the street. They’re in mid-argument. Mulder gets defensive because Scully apparently accused him of intentionally misleading her. He says that Kroner is “ground zero for extreme weather.” Scully thinks a man controlling the weather is ridiculous. There’s a surprise. Mulder says that if Daryl is controlling the weather for profit, it’s a crime and they should investigate it. Scully thinks the people of this town are so desperate, they’ll look for any scapegoat. Mulder wants to know how many scapegoats lease office space.
Office Of Daryl, The Redneck Rain King. Mulder opens the door for Scully as they walk into the office. At the receptionist’s desk, sits a young woman with curly dark blonde hair, tied half-way pretty high up on her head, and behind her is a huge sign that says “Rain King.” She’s talking on the phone, all perky and with a thick mid-western drawl. Mulder flashes his badge and introduces himself and Scully. Miss Perky holds up her finger and continues telling the poor sap on the phone that Daryl needs a six-pack of beer, a carton of Morley Lights and a bowl of jellybeans, with the green ones picked out. Miss Perky finally hangs up the phone. “Now what can I do for the FBI?” Mulder says they want to see the king, and he slams an Elvis accent on that last part. Daryl’s on business, making it rain in Nebraska. Scully would like a client list. Miss Perky gets defensive and asks them if they need a warrant or a subpoena for that. “Usually we just say please.” I don’t think Scully likes Miss Perky any more than I do. Then Miss Perky starts saying how Daryl is a hero in the community! And he saved her daddy’s farm! How dare Mulder and Scully accuse him! Mulder notices the weather report on the TV and sees it raining in Nebraska. Miss Perky says that’s Daryl working his magic. “Is it possible that he could’ve just followed it up there?” Scully asks. Mulder gives her a look like, “Do you realize how stupid that sounds?” Miss Perky hands over the client list and insists that they’re all satisfied customers. Mulder asks if the TV station is close by.
Television Studio Of Comically (Not Really) Mistaken Identities And Sexy Weather. Sheila, the blonde bimbo from the teaser, runs up to greet Mulder and Scully. “We were beginning to worry that you wouldn’t make it. Is this your first time in a TV studio? How exciting. I couldn’t be happier for the two of you.” Scully goes to interrupt, but Mulder stops her. Sheila then grabs Holman, the weatherman, brings him over to Mulder and Scully and introduces him to “the Gundersons.” Holman shakes their hands, congratulating them and saying that he hopes they “have a truly romantic getaway.” Mulder remains pleasantly silent through all of this. Scully has to pull out her badge and set the record straight. Sheila thought they were the “Watch the Weather and Win” contest winners. It’s to promote good PR with the community because of the drought and all. Then the real Gundersons have arrived. They look kind of older and Mrs. Gunderson is pretty plump. Mulder smiles at Scully and mutters, “It’s like looking in a mirror.” Then Mulder and Scully end up in Holman’s office and they sit together on the couch. Holman says that he thought they looked rather “smartly dressed” for a farm couple. Mulder comments on Kroner’s weird weather. Holman then gets excited and says that although Kroner may look sad and dull, the weather is “sophisticated, complex and… well… sexy.” Scully shoots an eyebrow and Mulder grins at Scully. Oh, would you two just do it already? Holman continues, saying that Kroner is an exciting place for a meteorologist. Scully asks Holman for the 411 on Daryl. Holman doesn’t think that Daryl is causing the drought, the responsible party being a high-pressure system. “Can we go now?” Scully snits at Mulder. Something tells me that Scully wants to get out of hick-ville as soon as possible. Mulder asks Holman about Daryl’s rain. Apparently, that’s a “clouded issue.” Everything on this show is a clouded issue. The mytharc: Aliens, bounty hunters, clones, hybrids, super soldiers and an AlienMiracleBaby. Mulder and Scully: When did the sex actually begin? It’s all a foggy cloud. Like Chris Carter’s office. Anyways, Holman went to high school with Daryl. He’s an ignorant low-life but apparently the rain is genuine. “Where he wanders, showers follow.”
Monroe Farm Of “Cherokee” Crip Dances. Mulder and Scully arrive at what looks like a family picnic. There’s a tent with a table covered in food, lots of people standing around. Scully thinks that they’ll believe anything because they’re desperate. Mulder merely comments on Daryl’s tardiness. Next thing you know, a red truck pulls up with the license plate “RAINKNG.” The farmer family gets all excited. Daryl gets out of the truck and we see he’s missing a leg. Miss Perky, who was with him in the truck, hands him some crutches and he goes over to the tent, sits down and grabs a beer from a cooler. Daryl tries to charm the farmers and he pawns his crutches off on some fool. Miss Perky brings over this huge black case and inside there’s a prosthetic booted leg. He rudely informs her that she brought the wrong boot and to get the red snakeskin. Mulder and Scully approach Daryl and he’s all, “Ooh! Looky here. The FBI.” Scully says they came to see the show but she guesses they came too early. Apparently, Daryl’s truck is faster than the rain clouds. Miss Perky hands Daryl his fake leg and we’re treated to a nice shot of his stump. Mulder asks Daryl to explain his “unique ability.” Daryl says that it’s complicated and he can’t explain it. Because he’s an imbecile. Mulder claims to watch The Weather Channel so he’d like Daryl to try and explain it. Daryl did not ask for this gift nor did he ask to lose his leg. But he’s not surprised because he comes “from a long line of healing people. [He's] a spiritual man, in touch… with the really real. The, the unseen real.” The only real thing about Daryl is that he’s an idiot. Miss Perky then starts playing some generic pop music on the boombox and Daryl starts dancing. Well, I guess you could call it dancing. He can’t really move the fake leg and it just sort of drags. Daryl’s just getting started, though. “And I… am one 64th Cherokee and I can summon up my ancestors to bring water to this thirsty land. Yeah!” I can’t think of any indigenous people who’d want to claim Daryl. I’m sure all those buried Cherokee people are turning over in their graves. Daryl then gets even more into his crip dance, as he claps his hands and hobbles all over the tent. Scully can’t take much more of this and walks away, out from the tent and into the dried up pasture. “Mulder, what are we doing here?” He then starts pulling Native American history out of his butt and blah blahs about “rainmakers” and “Pueblo Indians.” Scully doesn’t think Daryl’s hobbling is a rain dance and her Irish Aunt Olive has got more Cherokee blood than Daryl. “I mean, look at him, Mulder. Does that look like a man who can control the weather?” Then it thunders and starts pouring. The family starts celebrating. Mulder and Scully are getting drenched and as they look over at Daryl, he forms his hands into guns and shoots at them victoriously. Whatever. We all know he’s full of BS.
Television Studio Of One Really Dumb Bimbo. Sheila walks into Holman’s office and sits on his desk while he’s typing on his laptop. She asks him if they’re still going to go to the reunion together on Friday. Holman confirms and calls it “the social event of the decade.” Oh, dear. These people need to get out and see the world. Or at least spend a weekend in the closest big city. I’m not sure what that is, though. Kansas City? But isn’t that in one of the M states? I guess I don’t really know. I live in New York and so all those states in the middle are all kind of the same to me. Sheila remarks on how fast the past twenty years have gone by and then she asks Holman about what Mulder and Scully wanted. He says that they were just asking about Daryl and his rain. “I wish they’d just go back to wherever they came from and leave him alone.” Why? He’s a moron. Holman can’t believe she still loves Daryl after he treated her like crap, he never loved Sheila and he only wanted her money and as soon as he got his own money he dropped her. “But I think he used to love me.” She really is dense. Does she not recall those Valentine’s Day events from the teaser? That was a man in love, I tell ya. Holman tries to drop a hint. “There are other men who would love you more.” Sheila either didn’t hear this or she’s got a really short attention span because all she says is she won’t get any sleep knowing the FBI are “poking around.” Holman is crestfallen.
Cool View Motor Court. It’s really windy outside and and it seems as though a storm is brewing. Scully tosses in her bed before turning on the light. The clock turns 3:08am and then Scully lies back down in bed, clearly irritated at being kept up all night because of the whack weather in this hick town and she’d really like to go home but she’s stuck there because of her “intimacy through co-dependency” issues. We then chung chung over to Mulder’s room, where he’s still up reading newspaper articles about Kroner’s weird weather. As the storm gets worse, Mulder gets up and looks out the window. He then sees a cow lifted off the ground and fly through the air. Mulder looks up at the ceiling and he can hear the mooing of the cow grow louder. He dives out of the way just as the cow comes crashing through the ceiling. Got milk? Mulder was in his boxer shorts, ya’ll. Just wanted to mention it.
Next Morning. Scully’s in Mulder’s motel room, checking out the hole in the ceiling. Some dude with a chainsaw suggests that she leave unless she wants to be covered in hamburger. Scully walks out and then is greeted by a motel employee who tells her that they’ve moved her “boyfriend’s” things into her room. Special Agent Dana “Queen of Denial” Scully says that Mulder’s just her partner and that they prefer separate rooms. I somehow doubt that. Mulder seems really at home whenever he’s hanging out in her motel rooms or in Arcadia when Mulder accused Scully of wanting to “play house,” it was him who wanted to play house. Anyways, the lady calls Scully “old fashioned” and tells her that they’re booked full because of the reunion. Looks like Mulder and Scully will be sharing a bed, then. Offscreen, of course. Scully walks over to Mulder, who’s arm is being mended by a doctor. He’s been cut or something. “Scully, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that a cow gets hurled at me just as we’re down here investigating the weather.” Scully then starts checking his scalp and head, asking Mulder if he was checked out for head trauma. Scully just wanted an excuse to run her fingers through Mulder’s hair. And I don’t blame her. Because he looks really hot here. He’s got this gray-blue t-shirt on and it’s pretty tight. Mmm. He’s looking good. Ok, I’ll stop. Mulder is adamant that the cow had his name on it. Holman has arrived and he looks really sorry about what happened to Mulder. He says he feels terrible and if Mulder needs anything, to just ask. Scully would like Holman to explain to Mulder that what happened with the cow wasn’t anything paranormal. Holman then comments that a mini-twister picked the cow up. Now the Sheila Bimbo has arrived. She’s crying and a lot of mascara is streaming down her face. That’s what happens when you apply half a tube every morning. Holman runs over to her and tells her that she shouldn’t be there. She comes over to Mulder and Scully, telling them that this is her fault.
Scully’s Motel Room Of Depressing Memories, Freaky Hand Kissing And Awakening Epiphanies. So Sheila’s sitting on Scully’s bed, crying her eyes out. Scully holds a box of tissues and Mulder sits across from Sheila as the doctor fixes up Mulder’s arm. Holman’s standing by the door. Sheila is upset that she murdered the cow. Then she begins to recount the sad story of her life accompanied by visual flashbacks, starting with a tornado at her senior prom, a snowstorm during her July wedding, her husband running off with some other chick and happy clouds on the day her divorce was finalized. Mulder wants to know what her connection to Daryl is. Sheila tells him that they were engaged six months ago but then they got into a fight, he drove off and a freak hailstorm cost him his leg. Mulder guesses that’s when the rain started following him. Sheila wants to know if she’s under arrest. Mulder says no, but she should be arrested by the Fashion Police if you ask me. Mulder gets Scully to back him up and assure Sheila that she’s not responsible for the weather. Sheila says that she really wants to believe Mulder and then she kisses his hand. What a freakshow. I don’t know if it’s just me, but a girl kissing a guy’s hand is just weird. Scully’s eyebrowing all over the place. So I guess she feels the same as I do. Plus, this is her boyfriend so I’m sure she’s even more uncomfortable over this. Sheila then grabs Holman’s hand and then leaves the room. The doctor then announces that the hailstorm had nothing to do with Daryl’s leg. He was driving too fast and he was drunk. Holman is surprised. “Drunk?… I never heard that.” The doctor says they felt that Daryl losing his leg was punishment enough. Holman is clearly upset by this.
Nebraska Farm Of A Redneck Getting What’s Coming To Him. Miss Perky is massaging Daryl’s shoulders while he sits under a tent. Daryl’s babbling about how people don’t realize how hard it is to sit around and drink beer while another dude’s suppressed feelings makes it rain wherever Daryl goes. Whoops. I wasn’t really giving anything away, was I? You’ve all seen this episode. He then starts talking about his “powers of concentration” but is then easily sidetracked by Miss Perky’s massage. He then babbles some more about how his brain functions on 14 different levels of stupid and it also takes in variables like Nascar velocity and the humidity at tractor pulls. While he was busy listening to the sound of his own voice, the rain stopped. Daryl: “Uh oh.”
Mulder And Scully’s Motel Room Of Offscreen Bed Sharing. Mulder’s sitting on the bed, going over newspaper articles. Scully walks in and sits in the chair next to the bed. She tells Mulder, quite excitedly, that the next flight out is at 10:00am. She can’t wait to get out of there. Mulder holds up a newspaper and tells her that on one day back in 1991 it rained rose petals for an hour. Scully is exasperated and adamantly tells him that they’re going home, Daryl is being sued by 50 people and there is no case. Mulder then tells her that the day it rained rose petals was the day after the death of Holman’s mother. He says that Holman is “manufacturing the weather” and comments on his relief over the fact that Daryl was drunk. Holman has been hospitalized five times with nervous exhaustion, each time coinciding with some crazy weather. To everyone’s surprise, Scully’s not buying it. Mulder then asks Scully about that disorder where the weather affects the way people feel. “SAD — Seasonal Affective Disorder,” Scully says. Mulder theorizes that maybe someone’s feelings can affect the weather. “That the weather is somehow an expression of Holman Hardt’s feelings or better still, the feelings that he’s not expressing?” Scully then suppresses the feeling that she’d like to hit Mulder upside the head with that newspaper. Then Mulder and Scully sleep in the same bed, offscreen. I’d like to think there was some spooning involved. Although seeing as how they were so uptight this season, it was most likely unintentional and they were unaware of it. Scully probably woke up with Mulder’s arms around her and pretended to be horrified.
Television Studio Of Getting Your Hopes Up And Then Having Them Dashed To Pieces. Holman is trying to proclaim his true feelings for Sheila. “I’ve tried to say this a thousand times… tried to express the… fire that burns inside this… humble exterior. Sheila, you’re the reason I remained in this town all these years. I wake up each day knowing…” Apparently, Holman was talking to his reflection in a mirror. His phone is ringing and it’s Sheila calling. He tells her that he was just thinking about her and he’s looking forward to the reunion. Sheila’s in a good mood and it’s all because of Holman. His face lights up. “I wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking about what you said about Daryl yesterday and I realized that you were right.” She says that she’s over Daryl and realizes she’s been chasing the wrong kind of guy. Holman looks really happy and “[he] can’t tell [her] what that means to [him].” Sheila then wants to ask Holman something and she wants it to be their secret. “What do you think of Agent Mulder?” There’s a huge crash of thunder outside. Holman then hangs up the phone and contemplates strangling himself with the cord.
Television Studio Of An FBI Agent Giving A Weatherman Advice That He Himself Refuses To Follow. So it’s the next morning and Mulder has come to Holman’s office for a quick chat. Mulder tells Holman he wants him to get some help before he kills somebody. Holman feigns ignorance. Mulder says that he knows that Holman is the one causing all this whack weather. Holman says that if he indeed could control the weather, doesn’t Mulder think he’d end the drought. Mulder doesn’t think Holman does it on purpose but “[he bottles] up [his] emotions — anger, grief, or love or whatever — and then, as a response, it rains or hails or there’s a flying cow. And whatever it is, [he's] got to let it out.” As if Mulder’s one to talk about expressing one’s true feelings. Holman says that he can’t let his feelings out. “Yeah, you can. It’s Sheila, isn’t it? You love her. You’ve always loved her. That tornado at the high school… that was you, wasn’t it?” Holman then says that he came across Sheila and her boyfriend, “en flagrante delicto.” Mulder asks Holman if he’s never told Sheila how he feels. “How can a frog tell a swan that he loves her?” How can a narcissistic, overzealous, self-righteous, egomaniac believer tell a closed down, self-protective, intimacy-issues addled skeptic that he loves her? Your guess is as good as mine. Mulder tells Holman that he better tell Sheila before somebody gets killed. Holman wants Mulder to help him, but Mulder’s got a plane to catch. Holman asks who will help him, if Mulder doesn’t. Mulder says that he’s got to meet his partner at the airport. Mulder’s cell phone rings.
Scully: Mulder, it’s me.
Mulder: I’m coming.
Scully: The plane won’t take off because of the fog.
Mulder: Holman!
Scully: I’m Scully, Mulder.
Mulder: No, Holman wants dating advice.
Scully: From who?
Mulder: That would be me.
Scully: …
Mulder: …
Scully: …
Mulder …
Scully: …
Mulder: Um, hello? Scully?
Scully: Yeah, I’m here. When was the last time you had a date with an actual person and not a phone sex operator, Marty?
Mulder: Bye bye!
Scully: I pity the fool.
Office Of Daryl, The Ex-Redneck Rain King. Miss Perky is adding up some calculations and hands Daryl the tape with the figures. The result is apparently a red number and Daryl hangs his head on the desk. Miss Perky looks sympathetic. “Daryl, you’re like one of those tragic rock stars. You know, like, Jim Morrison or Kurt Cobain. Biggie Smalls or 2Pac. Or Rick James. George Michael. Leif Garrett. Or any of those dudes on VH1’s Behind the Music. You just shine too bright for too short a time.” She then ruffles his hair and tells him that someday it’ll be a nice story to tell their kids. Daryl then gets pissy and says that he can’t afford kids. That he needs cash “pronto” and he’s in “deep doo-doo” if he doesn’t come up with it. Miss Perky then offers her $6/hr Dairy Queen wages and she’s confident they can get the money he needs. Daryl isn’t really paying attention to her and then comes up with a brilliant idea: Sheila. Daryl tells Miss Perky that she’s real sweet and all, but he thinks they needs some time apart. “What? Are you breaking up with me?” Honey, you should be counting your blessings. Daryl tells her that it’s nothing personal and then he leaves.
Television Studio Of A Weatherman’s Astute Observations And An FBI Agent’s Painful Denial. Holman and Mulder are having their dating conversation. Apparently, Mulder has admitted to Holman that he’s no Eddie Van Blundht. “I’ve been envious of men like you my whole life. Based on your physical bearing, I’d assumed you were… More experienced. I mean… You spend every day with Agent Scully” (Mulder sighs and stops walking) “a beautiful, enchanting woman. And you two never, uh…?” (Mulder stares at Holman, with his jaws clenched) “I… confess I find that shocking. I… I’ve seen how you two gaze at one another.” Mulder waits a beat, before he takes Holman’s shoulder and leads him out of the room. “This is about you, Holman. I’m here to help you. I’m perfectly happy with my friendship with Agent Scully.” Oh, brother. Except, I think at this point Mulder may actually believe this a little bit. Remember, this is the year of The Fowl One. So, she’s hanging around in the back of Mulder’s mind. Anyways, Holman recaps Mulder’s theory that if he just tells Sheila how he feels, then the drought will end. Mulder straightens Holman’s tie and tells him to just tell her how he feels. Holman walks towards Sheila’s office. Special Agent Fox “Loser By Choice” Mulder then exclaims “Holman! I do not gaze at Scully.” Yes you do.
Sidebar: According to Shadowman Michaud it was Scully who had to make a move. Mulder isn’t the one who initiates their physical relationship. So the more I think of it, it seems as though Holman represents Scully and Sheila, the oblivious one, represents Mulder. I think Scully knows perfectly well how she feels about Mulder, but she’s got those fear of intimacy issues. And like Holman, who has stayed in this po-dunk town all these years just for Sheila, the major reason Scully has stayed down in the basement is to be with Mulder. Sheila is still hung up on that waste of space Daryl and Mulder clearly has hang-ups about Diana.
Television Studio Of Unrequited Love Confessions, Crippled Combat And Embarrassing Displays Of Affection. Sheila’s working in her office. Holman walks in and asks to speak with her for a minute. Sheila asks him if he’s excited about the high school reunion. He says he is, then notices she’s busy and tries to back out. But she tells him to spit it out. “I… I love you.” Sheila says that she loves him to, but she says it in a friendly way. She then asks him what’s wrong. Mulder’s standing outside the office and notices that it’s started raining. Sheila and Holman walk out of the office, Sheila very cheerily greets Mulder and then tells Holman that she’ll see him tonight. Mulder smiles at Holman and tells him that he did it. “No, you did.” Holman says that Sheila told him that she loves him, but she’s in love with Mulder. Mulder is speechless. In the hallway, Daryl is talking to Sheila. He made his move but she told him there was somebody else. He’s agitated and Sheila tells him that this is not the right place for this conversation. Daryl has grabbed her arm and she’s trying to get him to let her go. At this point, Mulder walks in on this scene and tells Daryl to quit it. Sheila smiles at Mulder adoringly. Daryl gives a disgusted look. “This is the guy? What’s he got that I ain’t got” Mulder just shrugs meekly. Sheila then spouts off Mulder’s qualities, seeing as how she knows him so well, including things like having “a job” and “good looks.” Daryl is not down with Mulder’s good looks and takes a swing at Mulder, who easily gets out of the way. Sheila doesn’t want Daryl to hit Mulder in the face, seeing as how the “good looks” are high on her list of Mulder’s best qualities. Daryl swings again but Mulder grabs him, pins him against the wall and cuffs him. I don’t know why Daryl even tried to fight him. Mulder is an FBI agent and Daryl is a one-legged dimwit. Daryl then accuses Mulder of picking on a cripple and that he’ll hear from Daryl’s lawyer. Sheila tells Mulder that he deserves a big reward. Mulder shakes his head. Seeing as how Mulder hasn’t given Sheila any inclination that he has any regard for her, she grabs him and kisses him, pushing him against the wall. Mulder’s hands are gripping her shoulders as he tries to wiggle away from her. Holman and Scully come walking around the corner. Holman is shocked and then runs away. Scully just stares in amazement at Mulder. Mulder manages to get Sheila off of him. He stares at Scully. He looks guilty, yo. Scully then tells Mulder that the fog has lifted and if he’s ready, they can leave. Scully doesn’t seem all that upset over this. Sheila ain’t exactly a threat. But if that were Diana, her reaction would’ve been slightly different. In The End, Scully had to go out and sit in the car to regain composure just because she saw Diana grab Mulder’s hand. Anyways, Mulder notices a TV screen and asks Scully if she’s familiar with weather radar and asks her what red means. She thinks it means thunderstorms. They both watch the monitor as a huge red mass starts spinning over the area. “Looks like we’re not going to be able to catch our plane,” Mulder says.
Kroner High School Reunion. The gym is decorated in a Wizard Of Oz theme, “There’s No Place Like Kroner.” The DJ is spinning some 70’s music and there’s buckets scattered throughout to catch the leaks. You can hear the rain and thunder, as Mulder and Scully look around the gym for Holman. Scully says that there’s been 7 inches of rain in the past 6 hours and there’s now a flash flood warning. They locate Holman and pull him out of the gym and into the hallway. Mulder tells Holman to make it stop. Holman tells him that it’s his fault because he was kissing Sheila. As if on cue, Sheila enters and greets some of her “favorite people”, Holman and Mulder. Holman compliments Sheila on how she looks. Holman and I have very different taste, apparently. Sheila sure does love the color red, that’s for certain. Sheila tells Holman that he looks handsome, and then pays the same compliment to Mulder. A slow song starts playing and she asks Mulder to dance. Scully cuts in and says that Holman wanted to dance. She then nudges Mulder, who concurs. As Sheila and Holman head back inside the gym, Mulder desperately tells Holman to tell Sheila. As Sheila and Holman dance, she asks him what Mulder meant. Holman says that it’s not a big deal and Sheila reminds him that they tell each other everything. Holman starts reminding her of their chat earlier that day and she remembers. “When you said you loved me.” Holman looks like he might puke. “What I meant to say… what I wanted you to understand… is that I’m in love with you. That I’ve loved you since high school.” Sheila looks upset and walks away from him. I don’t think that’s the response he was hoping for. Sidebar: I’ve personally been “The Sheila” in this type of situation. And it sucks. Royally. Especially when you really don’t feel the same way and you end up breaking your best friend’s heart. It blows. Anyways, Mulder and Scully have been watching this go down, swaying together to the music, and when Sheila walks away from Holman they give each other the panic face. “I’ll build the ark, you gather the animals,” Mulder quips. Scully walks away and heads towards the bathroom. “I was kidding,” he calls after her.
Ladies Bathroom Of Awkward Girl Talk. Sheila is staring at her reflection in one of the mirrors, wondering if she should put on some more mascara. Which I don’t think is possible. Scully approaches her and starts to tell her about Mulder’s theory. ” Agent Mulder believes that the drought, this storm these bizarre set of weather conditions that have plagued you over the years are… are caused by Holman.” Scully goes on to tell Sheila that Holman’s emotions are affecting the weather and that he’s ” unwittingly destroying this town” because he loves her. Sheila gives Scully a look. “You love him, don’t you?” Scully thinks this bimbo has lost her mind. “You’re jealous because Agent Mulder and I have a special connection and you’re trying to divert me to Holman.” Scully’s all, “You are one crazy ho. The only ’special connections’ Mulder has are with me, got it?” Ok, she doesn’t really say that. But she was thinking it.
High School Gym. Dimwit Daryl the Drunk has arrived on crutches and hobbles over to Mulder. He proclaims that “it’s good to be the king” and he wants to know where Sheila is. Mulder asks Daryl about the missing leg. “[Miss Perky] took it. She said I’d have to crawl back to her. Where’s Sheila?” Hey, I kind of like Miss Perky now. She’s at least someone who’s not gonna put up with Daryl’s crap.
Ladies Bathroom Of Admitting One’s True Feelings. Sheila is shocked that Mulder and Scully have never even kissed. Get in line, sister. Sheila then comments on Mulder’s kissing ability, which I find ridiculous because he didn’t even kiss her back. Whatever. Sheila says that she never thought of Holman that way and that he’s her closest friend. Scully then gives a speech, projecting her own feelings for Mulder onto Sheila’s situation with Holman: “Well, it seems to me that the best relationships — the ones that last — are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.” Then the sinks start filling up with dirty water and overflowing onto the floor. Scully and Sheila run out of the bathroom.
High School Gym. Because it worked out so well the last time, Daryl is once again attempting to fight Mulder. Daryl’s swinging his crutches at him and is trying to teach Mulder a lesson for messing “with [his] woman.” Daryl falls over a chair (HA!) and the electricity goes out. Scully comes over and tells Mulder that she called the police. Mulder tells her to check on “the king” and asks about Sheila. We chung chung over to Holman, who’s sitting with his head in his hands. I personally like Holman and I don’t think that bimbo deserves him. But you can’t help who you love, I guess. Sheila asks Holman if it’s true that Holman makes the weather because of her, even the tornado at the prom and snow at her wedding. Holman apologizes. “Daryl’s rain?” He guesses it was a manifestation of guilt. “Even this rain? Because you love me?” He loves her. Sheila gives him a kiss. “That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard,” she says. They then wrap their arms around each other and kiss passionately. In slow-mo. The electricity comes on, there’s sparks, the disco ball lights up and starts spinning, the music comes back on and the rain stops. Miss Perky runs into the gym, carrying one of Daryl’s legs. Daryl and Miss Perky apologize. Then they kiss and make up. Daryl wonders why Miss Perky is so good to him. So do I. Everyone is dancing and making out to “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Everyone except our heroes, of course. Mulder: “I didn’t know reunions could be so…” Scully: “Wet.” Mulder smiles at Scully. Oh, you two! Holman and Sheila walk up to Mulder and Scully. Mulder asks Holman how it went. As he and Sheila walk away, Holman tells Mulder he should try it sometime and nods at Scully. Yes, he should. Except he doesn’t. Because he’s an idiot who has to wait around for Scully to actually make a move. Then Mulder and Scully spend another night in Kroner, sleeping in the same bed. Offscreen.
Kroner, Kansas. One Year Later. Judy Garland is still singing. Sheila is cuddling a baby, watching Holman giving the weather report on the TV. Beautiful weather all around. Holman and Sheila get their happily ever after. Hey, maybe if Mulder and Scully get together and have a baby, they can have a happily ever after! Wait… yeah, maybe not. Sigh. At least they tried.
Recap by Bolissa