6X02 – DRIVE
by foxestacado
Recap by Bolissa
Hey, did you guys know that The X-Files moved from Vancouver to Los Angeles this season? Because just in case you forgot, they did another episode with light so bright you gotta wear shades. And by the end of the episode, Mulder actually ends up in California. Thanks for the reminders, 1013! Don’t you guys think that they should’ve gone back to Vancouver the next season? Or when Duchovny couldn’t get enough money from the FOX studio execs and left the show? Because the show should’ve totally gone back to Vancouver. Maybe if we had signed a petition. Or made some kind of commercial and sent it to FOX. It could’ve worked. At least they’re going home for the movie.
FOX News. Well, we already know this might be highly inaccurate and biased. We see it’s a helicopter videotaping a 70’s blue two door sports car speeding down the highway being chased by cops. From a white Bronco to that piece of crap? OJ’s traded down, yo. I wonder who he’s killed this time. Oh, sorry. Allegedly killed. So a news anchor is babbling off camera about how the Nevada Highway Patrol has been chasing OJ for about 90 miles through some town named Elko and close to speeds of 100 miles per hour! Then the camera cuts to the TV station. Hey, it’s Sean Hannity! So Sean is on camera saying how FOX News has a correspondent on the scene. And guess what? It’s Tony Snow. “[Tony], what can you tell us?” Well, Tony is apparently in the chopper following OJ and he’s got some interesting details for us. “Now, just under an hour ago, troopers attempted to pull over the blue car which we understand is stolen… Since then, this driver has stopped for nothing and nobody.” Sean wants to know if the driver’s identity is known. Tony doesn’t know but he thinks it’s probably a Democrat. Tony does point out that there is someone in the back seat of the car and that they may be looking at a hostage situation. Then the camera goes fuzzy and suddenly we’re looking at the back seat of that blue car and there’s a blonde-ish white lady lying down in the back and she looks pretty rough. She’s holding her head and I think her nose is bleeding. Oh, my God! The driver is OJ! Wait. Hold up. The driver isn’t OJ. It’s some white redneck dude and he keeps looking into the back seat. It’s possible he looks worried. Although I’m not sure if that’s because he’s got the Nevada police on his tail or because the lady isn’t doing so well back there. Then we see some cop throw a spiky chain across the road and wait for NotOJ. Man, the screen is bright. I may need to get my sunglasses. Anyways, NotOJ drives over the chain and then the cop pulls the chain away before the patrol cars drive through. Sean Hannity would like some details. “It looked to be a special tire-puncturing chain. And now the officers are approaching the car. One of them has opened the door, and he has hold of the suspect. He’s pulling him out. He doesn’t seem to have a weapon. I think he’s definitely a Democrat, Sean.” The cops then pull the lady out of the backseat and into a patrol car. She’s in a lot of pain and she tells the cop to “please get it out of [her] head.” Were they listening to Celine Dion songs in the car? Apparently her name is Vicky, because that’s what NotOJ is screaming over and over. Sean Hannity seems relieved that the hostage is ok but he comments on how NotOJ is still putting up a fight. Tony Snow’s got it covered! “He’s definitely putting up a bit of a fight. I think he was trying to get to the Democratic National Convention. He seems to be a man with a few choice words on the subject as you can see. They’re trying to restrain him. I tell you what. We’re going to move back and try to get a wider angle. See, there’s the woman ….” We then can see Vicky pounding her head against the car window. Tony is all, “What the heck?” Then there’s an explosion of blood inside the car and splattered over the inside of the window. “What the hell just happened?” Tony asks. I think Sean Hannity has the answer: “I think Hilary Clinton shot her!” Then we hear someone from the TV station yelling “Cut!”
Credits. Commercials. Beautiful British Columbia: Pristine lakes, vivid green forests, rugged mountains, foggy mists and lots of rain. The next time you are planning a dark and moody television show or movie, please consider beautiful, inexpensive Vancouver. Vancouver: Pretty and cheap, like Britney Spears after a few drinks.
Buhl, Idaho. Mulder and Scully are at this house. Scully knocks on the door and a typical farmer in overalls answers. “Virgil Nokes? I’m Agent Scully. This is Agent Mulder. We’re with the FBI.” Scully’s holding up her badge while Mulder is behind her, leaning against the porch railing, swatting bugs, spitting out sunflowers seeds and looking generally bored out of his mind. The farmer looks like he’s been sniffing some pesticides. “Jehovah’s Witness?” Sidebar #1: I’m taking that as a huge Shout Out to me. Sidebar #2: Virgil must be a few cards short of a deck because Jehovah’s Witnesses do not carry badges with FBI printed on them. Nor do we carry firearms. Although, that would be awesome. Moving on… Scully informs Virgil that they’re with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Then Mulder offers him a Watchtower. Oh, Mulder. You kill me. Scully then tells Virgil that they’re just there for a routine check because he recently ordered 5,000 lbs of ammonium nitrate fertilizer. Virgil then tells them to come on in. Virgil informs them that he grows sugar beets. I wonder if he’s related to Dwight Schrute. He says that he’s got better things to do with his fertilizer than blow up some buildings. Scully tells him that it’s just routine. “So routine, it numbs the mind.” I take it Mulder ain’t digging this assignment. While Virgil is looking for some papers, Mulder’s watching the news report of NotOJ and Vicky’s escapade from the teaser. He calls Scully over to watch.
Later, outside the farmhouse. Mulder’s standing next to the car, talking on his cell phone as Scully walks out. “Thank you, Captain. That’s no problem. We’d be happy to help. Mm-hmm.” Scully wants to know what they’re helping. Mulder then hurriedly hangs up the phone. Heh. Scully gets firm and tells him that they’re not going to Nevada . “Come on, Scully. Just one quick side trip.” Scully refuses and reminds him of their new assignment. “Running down people that buy fertilizer? This is scut work, bozo work — the FBI equivalent of being made to wear an orange jumpsuit and pick up trash by the side of the highway — they mean to humiliate us.” Scully doesn’t care if he’s humiliated but they’re working on domestic terrorism. She agrees that it is a punishment, but if they want to get back on the X-Files they have to follow the rules right now. “We can’t freelance.” Yeah, but they’re freelancing on the lam. Ooh! I can’t wait for the movie! Squee!! Ok, sorry. Ahem. Where was I? Mulder asks Scully what she thought of the news report. She thinks the woman was shot, no matter what the police say. Mulder tells her that the captain said “she just sort of popped” and Mulder thinks NotOJ was trying to warn the cops about his wife. “Now, the sun will rise in America tomorrow regardless of whether or not we’re at yet another farm investigating yet another enormous pile of doo-doo. We can be in and out in a day. Nobody has to know.” Mulder waggles his eyebrows and Scully gives in. She can’t resist The Waggle! Know why? Because it’s hot. HOTTT.
Elko, Nevada Police Station. NotOJ is lying on a cot in his jail cell. He realizes he’s got a nosebleed and then starts screaming. Does he have an inoperable tumor in his nasal cavity? We’ll see. Later, Mulder and Scully talking to the police captain. Mulder wants to see NotOJ. The captain says that maybe he can see him later because earlier he had a fit in his cell and screaming that they were going to kill him like they killed his wife. The captain then calls him “unstable.” Scully tells the captain that NotOJ might need medical attention. The captain then says that a doctor is with him now and after what happened to NotOJ’s wife, which wasn’t their fault, they’re not going to take any chances. Scully’s reading the police report and we find out that NotOJ’s name is Patrick Garland Crump and that he lives in Montello, Nevada. Mulder comments that Crump is 40, a roofer, no history of mental illness and no prior record. Then the captain says that he stole the car on the Utah state line, throwing some kid from the car and taking off. After the captain walks away, Scully says that she’s going to look at Vicky’s body and Mulder’s going to try to see Crump. Mulder then checks the map to see where Montello is and follows Crump’s path east to Utah. “Then all of a sudden, he turned around and he headed west… To Wells. Why?” Because the sun sets in the west! Because the elves of Middle Earth travel to the west to receive immortality! Because 1013 Productions has gone west!
Autopsy Time! Scully and the Coroner Lady are checking out Vicky’s corpse. Coroner Lady hopes Scully can explain what happened to Vicky because “this is a new one on [her].” Scully examines Vicky’s head and sees that it’s all blown on one side, but the other side of her head is intact. Coroner Lady tells Scully that the wound is all exit. We’re then treated to some shots of Vicky’s exploded ear drum. Nice. Coroner Lady says that it’s like a bomb went off in Vicky’s ear. Scully then gets a probe and starts poking around inside Vicky’s head. Scully then babbles about “tumefaction” and “lateral sinus” and I have no idea what she’s talking about. But as Scully probes around, there’s an explosion and blood shoots out. For a minute I thought it was gonna hit her face. Ew. But it only got on her apron.
This portion of our program was brought to you by Awesome Autopsy Scrubs: You’ll Sure Wanna Cover Yourself In Case Someone’s Head Is Exploding!
Outside the jail, Crump’s being loaded onto an ambulance. Mulder’s following behind. The captain tells Mulder that he probably won’t get to talk to Crump after all. Mulder then tries to get on the ambulance but an EMT stops him. “Five’s a crowd, buddy.” He then shuts the door before Mulder can tell him that one is the loneliest number. Mulder gets in his car and follows the ambulance. So the EMT’s are starting to work on Crump and as the speedometer goes up to 75mph, Crump’s vitals improve. The EMT’s have no idea what they did to help him. I bet they were traveling west. Crump notices a gun sitting in a guard’s holster. As Mulder drives, he notices the ambulance swerve and then stop on the side of the road. Crump jumps out the back of the ambulance and points a gun at Mulder. This is what you get for ambulance chasing.
Autopsy Bay. Scully calls Mulder and when some dude walks into the room she spazzes and kicks him out saying that the bay is quarantined. When Mulder picks up she tells him that she has “no idea what killed [Vicky] but [she has] to assume it’s communicable.” She tells Mulder that another body was found outside of Montello with the apparent same cause of death — “some kind of massive aneurysm or rupture.” Mulder’s like, “uh huh.” Scully tells him that she called the CDC and that Crump may be infected. So his cell should be quarantined as well as anyone who had close contact with him, including Mulder. Mulder sighs. “Well, that’s going to be a little tough, Scully.” Crump then grabs Mulder’s phone. “Drive.” Westward, my son! A little later, Scully’s slams a piece of paper against the autopsy bay window with her phone number on it. For those of you who’d like to call her later, the number is 212-555-1066. Let me know if you get through. The captain calls her and she asks where Mulder is. The captain tells her that Mulder’s heading, you guessed it, west. They’ve got constant visual contact and they’ve pulled some strings to keep this off FOX News. Maybe they struck a deal that FOX News could have a fair and balanced sit-down interview with Crump and everyone involved. Wait, did I just say “fair and balanced”? BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Anyways, there’s going to be a roadblock to stop Crump and Scully starts spouting orders to have the CDC at the roadblock and the arresting officers to be in full contamination gear. She wants everything decontaminated, Mulder and Crump quarantined separately. “You got it.” That’s right. She may be tiny, but you don’t wanna screw with her. You know, having a baby and living without Mulder sure turned her into a weak, weepy mess. But remember that one moment in Season 9 when she was punching that rogue FBI dude and screaming and breaking down the nursery door and then totally shot him, like, three times? That was awesome. So, this officer comes up to the captain and whispers sweet nothings in his ear. Then the captain tells Scully that if they don’t pull back the police escort, Crump’s going to shoot Mulder.
Mulder’s Hijacked Sensible Rental Car. Crump’s got his gun on Mulder and after a minute the police cars pull back. Crump’s yelling into the phone to be left alone. Hey! That rhymed. Mulder then tries to convince Crump to let him go too, because he “must be cramping [his] style.” Crump tells him to shut up and then he looks at Mulder’s badge. “It’s you people. Figures.” Mulder’s all, Huh? Crump tells him to shut up. Mulder’s cell phone starts ringing and then Crump throws it out the window. Mulder spazzes. “Hey! No! That is… so stupid, Crump. That is so stupid.” I think Mulder’s about to lapse into catatonic schizophrenia. Crump is not down with Mulder’s aggro. “You shut up and drive… Hey I kind of like that song. [singing]Get you where you wanna go if you know what I mean. Got a ride that’s smoother than a limousine. Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights? If you can, baby boy, then we can go all night. Goes from 0 to 60 in three point five. Baby, you got the keys. Now shut up and drive (Drive Drive Drive) Shut up and drive (Drive Drive Drive)[/singing]. While Crump’s practicing for his upcoming American Idol audition, Mulder stops behind a U-haul truck. Crump starts screaming in pain and wants to know what Mulder’s doing. “I’m composing a sonnet,” Mulder cracks. “I’m slowing down for a light.” Crump’s yelling for him to go and then he starts passing out. Mulder decides to speed his way through the intersection, nearly killing himself and several innocent civilians. Mulder then asks Crump if this is what happened to his wife. “If you stop moving, you die? I think I saw this movie.” Me, too. And it was awesome. Keanu Reeves: Call me! Mulder asks Crump why he didn’t tell the police and then says that “[Crump's] life is in [his] hands regardless of whether or not [Crump holds] that gun.” Crump the waves said gun all macho manly. Mulder then tells Crump that he may be able to help him. “You people put me here!” Crump shouts. Mulder tells him about the roadblock up ahead and points out the helicopter following them. Crump is clearly afraid of stopping. The police and CDC are at the roadblock. People are in their decontamination suits. The police chopper informs them that Crump’s turned off the highway and is heading north. He’s going to miss the roadblock. Dude in a decon suit: “Say what?”
Quarantined Autopsy Bay Of Exploded Eardrums And Dreaded Phone Calls. Scully’s on the phone with the captain and she asks him what’s going on. He tells her that they lost Mulder and Crump in a heavily forested road and the chopper lost them. Are there forests in Nevada? I was not aware of that (Ed. Note: There totally are. I live in Nevada. None anywhere near Elko, but there are some near Lake Tahoe. Just… FYI. – Starbucket). Scully wonders how Crump knew to avoid the roadblock. The captain says that he was hoping Mulder would’ve steered him towards it. Scully then guesses that Mulder steered him away from it because maybe he knows something. They hang up and Scully turns to a doctor in a decon suit who’s been looking at cell cultures from the second victim in a microscope. There is no evidence of any kind of infection in this victim or in Vicky. Scully still wonders what could’ve killed these people. Then Scully’s phone rings and some lady tells her to hold for Kersh. This is clearly the last thing Scully wanted to hear. ” Agent Scully. How is Southern Idaho? Agent Scully? Southern Idaho? Think carefully.” The wheels in Scully’s head are turning. She then concedes the truth and tells him that after they wrapped up their business in Idaho they went to Nevada to look into a case they felt needed their attention. “I eagerly await your report. In the meantime, agents of our Las Vegas field office will be available to assist you in tracking down Agent Mulder.” Scully thanks him. “Oh, Agent Scully… I think, at this point I want to see him alive even more than you do.” Kersh then hangs up and goes back to his Level Moderate Sudoku puzzle. Scully looks at the chart on the second victim and sees that he was a meter reader and wonders if he read the meter at the Crump’s place.
Mulder’s Hijacked Sensible Rental Car Of Confused Lineage. Mulder asks Crump what he knows about whatever is happening to him. “Mr. Crump. You call me by my last name, you say “mister” in front of it.” Mulder is not in the mood to discuss semantics with Crump. “I can think of something else I’d like to call you. I could put “mister” in front of that, too if you’d like.” Crump then asks Mulder if his name is Jewish. Mulder seems affronted, God knows why. I’m pretty sure he’s Christian and the name Mulder is Dutch, or something like that. Is this because Duchovny is part Jewish and the show can’t seem to separate him from his character? Yeah, that’s probably it. “It’s Mr. Mulder to you, you peanut-picking bastard. Now, Mr. Crump what can you tell me about what’s happening to you?” Crump then starts screaming in pain and tells Mulder that he’s going the WRONG WAY! Mulder then turns left, nearly killing more innocent civilians, and Crump starts to feel better. “It’s west. Huh, west? You got to head west. It’s just like you did with your wife. You took her and you headed west. It’s not just motion; it has to be in one direction. Is that right?” That’s right! By God, in order to live he must go west!
Crump Trailer. Scully and her Decontamination Team are all dressed in their bulky suits and helmets. It’s all foggy and dark. Am I watching Lost In Space? The Crump’s dog is growling and yelping and running back and forth along his chain. Scully thinks the same “pathology” is happening to the dog. They all hold him down and as Scully’s getting ready to sedate the dog, his head explodes all over the helmet of a decon dude. Ew.
Mulder’s Hijacked Sensible Rental Car Of Anti-Semitism And Government Conspiracies. So Crump is explaining what happened to his wife. She was cooking breakfast when she got a nosebleed and then a terrible headache. He was going to take her to the hospital but as they drove faster, she felt a little better. But as soon as they’d stop, she’d start screaming. Special Agent Fox Mulder, “Mr. Mulder, If You’re Nasty”, says that he’s sorry about Crump’s wife. “Sure, you are… You and the rest of your Jew FBI.” Crump then starts yapping about how him and his wife were “government guinea pigs” and he knows about the government “dropping Agent Orange” and “putting radiation in little retarded kids’ gonads” and he’s seen them sneaking around his woods at night. Mulder notices that his gas gauge is on E. “Well, on behalf of the international Jewish conspiracy, I just need to inform you that we’re… almost out of gas.”
Crump Trailer. Scully and her Decon Team are looking around and they haven’t found anything in the Crump’s place. Scully comments that whatever it is, it doesn’t discriminate. The doctor tells her about “zoonotic pathogens” that can species jump. They notice a light nearby and see that the Crumps have a neighbor. As they enter the house, Scully notices a birdcage and Tweety’s on the bottom, with one side of his head exploded. Scully sees that somebody’s watching an old movie on TV, then an elderly lady turns around and she starts screaming. Well, kind of. In a muted sort of way. Scully notices that the movie has Closed Captioning on. Scully calms the woman down, telling her that it’s ok.
Mulder’s Sensible Rental Car That’s About To Be Ditched As Though It Were Scully. Mulder flies into the gas station and pulls up to a pump, but the idiot pulled up on the wrong side, has to grab an extra-long hose and run around to the other side of the car. Crump is agonizing in the back seat. Mulder starts yelling at the hicks inside the station to turn on the pump. “You got to pay before you pump, buddy!” Ugh. I hate pre-paying, yo. Mulder hates it too, because he pulls Crump out of the car and heaves him into a station wagon that was sitting at another pump. The pump falls out of the tank and Mulder drives off without closing the gas cap and now oxygen will leak into the tank and the Check Engine light will come on in the dashboard. The owner of the car, a Weirdo With A Beardo, comes running out of the station yelling for his car. We then see the front seat of the Sensible Rental Car and Mulder’s left a note, where we can see “Agent Dana Scully FBI” written in large black letters. You know, sometimes Mulder doesn’t think about his actions and whatnot, but I like the fact that here he’s at least trying to contact Scully to let her know what’s what.
Crump Trailer. Oh, man. That put that poor deaf lady in a decon suit and loaded her into a van. I wonder if she thinks they’re taking a trip to outer space. The doctor wonders how the lady wasn’t affected. Scully then takes off her helmet and asks about the pathology being a sound. Scully’s cell phone starts ringing and she pulls it out of her suit. It’s the captain and he tells her that Mulder is continuing to evade the police, he’s stolen a car and left behind some “crazy note” for her. Scully tells him to read it. The captain reads: “‘Crump sick; will die if stopped, same as wife. Must head west to keep alive. No roadblocks! Meet me at the beach. Bring Green Sweater of Lurve and Shiner Bock.’ Does this make sense to you?” Scully tells him to take Mulder’s word and let him through the roadblocks. The captain doesn’t think that’s a good idea and wants Scully to check with her superiors. As Scully walks around, her cell phone goes staticy and we can’t hear the captain. Scully looks down at the ground at a metal plate reading US Government Property. Her cell phone goes out.
Stolen Station Wagon Of A Mutual Desire To Stick It To The Man. So Crump as assumed the position in the backseat and he’s in pain. He tells Mulder to go faster and Mulder tells him that he’s already going 70mph. Crump tells him to go faster and as Mulder speeds up, Crump feels a little better and tries to apologize. “Hey, uh… The Jew stuff? No offense. I mean, uh… A man can’t help who he’s born to.” Mulder is unimpressed with the attempted apology. “Gee, I don’t know if I can see to drive my eyes are tearing up so bad.” Sidebar: Mulder’s not Jewish! Why doesn’t Mulder just start telling Crump some stories about NYC, the Yankees, and Yale University? Geez. So Crump wants to know why Mulder’s helping him. My guess would be because you held a gun to his head? Sounds reasonable. Mulder doesn’t think it’s a good idea to question that. Then Crump decides to get paranoid. “How do I know you ain’t doing exactly what they want you to? Hmm? Driving me all around creation, experimenting on me… How do I know it ain’t that?” Hey, Crump? You’re the one who jumped out of an ambulance and hijacked Mulder’s car. And then you threw his cell phone out the window, cutting off his contact with the outside world. And you’re the one making him drive faster and head west. Driving all over creation is totally your fault, dude. So Crump then says that he’s not really accusing Mulder but it would be better to just kill a man than to take his dignity away by experimenting on him. Yeah, just ask Duane Barry. Mulder then encourages him to stay alive so he can stick it to the government. Mulder says that they’ll figure it out. Crump says that he’d better figure it out because they’re “running out of west.” We are then greeted by a sign reading: Welcome to California! Gateway to the Pacific and the New Home of 1013 Productions!
Naval Base Of Poorly Impersonated FCC Employees. Scully is having a powwow with a navy lieutenant and on the wall are the words “Project Seafarer” in large letters. Scully introduces herself to Lieutenant Breil and says that she called regarding the electrical equipment the navy has stashed in Montello. Breil says something about a miscommunication with her Washington office. Scully’s like, “Uh…?” Breil was under the impression that he’d already explained the situation to the FCC. Scully’s all, “Oh, I’m… I’m so sorry to make you run through it again, uh… For my official report to the, uh… To the FCC.” Scully’s a terrible liar and I can’t believe this guy can’t see right through her. So Breil tells her that a testing of their ground radio system caused a power surge and interrupted television reception in the area, but they’ve made sure that it won’t happen again. Scully asks if that ground radio thing is Project Seafarer. Breil tells her that’s classified. “Would you happen to know what effect such a surge might have on, uh… On an organism… Say, a… Say, a human being? Theoretically speaking.” Breil tells her that theoretically speaking, that’s classified.
Stolen Station Wagon Of Phone Calls With Exhausting Exposition. So some cops on motorcycles pull up behind Mulder and hand him a cell phone. It’s Scully calling.
Scully: You ok?
Mulder: I’m dying without my cell phone here and I gotta piss like a race horse.
Scully: I’m hopping on a really expensive government jet and I’m gonna fly right over you.
Mulder: Where?
Scully: You’re the one driving there, buddy.
Mulder: Then wherever the road ends but we can’t stop and I have no idea what to do.
Scully: I kind of have a theory about what’s happening.
Mulder: You mind getting to the point?
Scully: You know what ELF waves are?
Mulder: Big antenna used by military to communicate with submarines.
Scully: Crump’s got an antenna array on his property and those transmissions can alter stuff in the body.
Mulder: It can be used as a weapon, too.
Scully: What if a hum from an antenna could mess up the inside of someone’s skull and make their inner ear explode?
Mulder: But movement relieves the pressure. Why only westward movement?
Scully: Because California will save Crump! California is all that is good and true in this world! And I hear that 1013 Productions relocated a really awesome show that thrived on dark and moody atmosphere to one of the sunniest places on earth that’s home to a megalomaniacal creator/writer/producer/director and happy cows.
Mulder: Um… how can we keep Crump’s head from exploding?
Scully: There is one solution and he’s not going to like it.
As Mulder listens to Scully’s solution, he cringes and tells Scully that they’ll be there. Mulder tells Crump that intentionally or not, the government is the reason behind his inner ear problems. Mulder tells him that his one chance is for them to meet Scully and then she’ll insert this long needle into his ear and ewwwwwww. I can’t stand needles, yo. They give me the wig. If I even see one approach me, I’ll start crying. So Mulder tells Crump that Scully won’t be able to use any anesthetic and he’ll probably go deaf. But Crump is fine with that as long as it means he’ll live. He pats Mulder on the shoulder, because they’re buddies now, and says “let’s do it.” He then tells Mulder to drive faster and Crump looks as though he’s about to pass out.
Loleta, California. We see the coast and the ocean. Scully is next to an ambulance and she’s holding a ginormous needle. EW! OMG. Somebody hold me! We then see the Stolen Ambulance being escorted by the cops on motorcycles and Mulder just drives on by Scully and up to the cliff. Scully runs over to the car but then notices blood splattered all over the back window. Mulder gets out, walks over to the edge and takes off his tie. Then Scully watches him pee. Well, he might be peeing. Or maybe he’s just looking at the ocean. Well, poor Crump never stood a chance. But all will be ok, because Mulder has made it to California.
Kersh’s Office Of Inappropriately Over-Emphasized Words. Mulder and Scully are standing in front of Kersh’s desk as he reads off the expense report for their escapade out west. Basically everything that happened in this episode cost the FBI around $4,500. Mulder snarks for Kersh to bill him. Kersh says that he’ll bill Scully instead. Huh? Kersh’s attempts at snark never come out right. Then Kersh remarks how they love playing the martyr. Mulder is irritated. “So are we done here? Back to the bozo work investigating huge piles of manure?” Kersh pushes Mulder’s buttons by telling him he can quit. Mulder looks at Scully and then walks out of the office, slamming the door. Scully then tries to explain Mulder’s behavior by saying that he’s been through a lot. Kersh then says that she apologizes for Mulder a lot. Scully ain’t apologizing for this and because of Mulder’s work the DOD is shutting down that whack antenna and that she and Mulder have saved lives. Kersh says that she ain’t got no proof and the DOD said that the shutting down of that antenna was coincidental. Scully’s all, “Sure it was”. Kersh doesn’t care if they saved a “school bus full of doe-eyed urchins on their way to Sunday Bible camp” that had a bomb underneath it that would explode if the bus went under 50mph. Her and Mulder no longer investigate X-Files and the sooner they recognize that, the better. As Scully walks out of the office she mutters “big piles of manure” loud enough to be heard and slams the door. Kersh then returns to his computer starts up The Sims: House Party.
This episode was brought to you by 1013 Productions and California. California: It’s Where You Wanna Be If You Don’t Want Your Head To Explode And If You Want To Ruin The Ambience Of A Much-Beloved Television Show.
Recap by Bolissa