3×24 – TALITHA CUMI

by foxestacado

Recap by Crass

We’re in Arlington, Virginia – interior shot of a busy fast-food restaurant. A nutty guy is ranting to himself while everyone around him does a good job of trying to ignore what he is saying. Don’t you hate it when that happens? I’m one of those people who has ‘Tell Me’ written in invisible purple ink on my forehead so I get to hear all about the paranoid fantasies of random strangers. I’ve perfected the understanding nod, the encouraging mmmm and the discreet backing-away which is the only way to deal with this happenstance.

Oh, maybe someone should have tried the understanding nod with this guy, because suddenly he’s snapped, and he’s up yelling, “Nobody moves!” Holy crap, he’s got a gun! Everyone should shut up! Shut up! The shift manager looks like she’s calling 911. But he’s not completely bad – the children can go. Now we’re seeing the gentle side of gun-wielding lunatics. The kiddies run out the door, while a distinguished-looking man slowly stands up. Hey! It’s Roy Thinnes! Wasn’t he in “The Prisoner”? I love how 1013 uses actors that have been in other sci-fi/horror shows. He walks up to the gunman saying, “Please don’t harm anyone.” The nutcase spins around and points the gun at him. He tries to calm the gunman down, who keeps yelling and pointing the gun. He tells him, “They’ve done nothing to you,” but the gunman just shakes his head in a really crazed way, his eyes all red and says: “Oh, you don’t know.” Clearly he’s convinced himself he’s in with all his workmates who disrespected him. Is he a postal worker of some kind? Distinguished Roy asks him to give him the gun and the gunman says, “I am not a loser.” Just as well this isn’t a pantomime, or the audience would now be calling out “Oh yes you are!” That would be enough to tip him right over the edge. I’m just going to call him Loser from now on, as I am not in gunfire range. In the background an official-looking car pulls into the car park. Loser tells Distinguished Roy: “They made me do it.” Is this the existential They? It looks like the cops have turned up – two guys in bad suits who look like they’ve enjoyed a donut or six. Over Roy’s shoulder, a young guy looks like he’s trying to sneak out the door and SWAT have arrived. Like Frohike in a halter-top and tutu, this is going to get ugly!

Distinguished Roy now has his hands on the gun, and is getting Loser to lower it, when Loser hears something. It’s the young guy and his girlfriend, who are trying to sneak out. Loser screams “No!” and shoots them both, then whirls around and shoots a blonde woman in a tweed coat and a young guy in jeans. One of the SWAT team shoots straight through the window and hits Loser in the chest, and he goes down like a porn actress in one of those tapes Mulder doesn’t own. Distinguished Roy kneels down – Loser has a rather nasty entry wound in his chest and blood all over his white T-shirt. He gasps, “I’m gonna die,” but Distinguished Roy says, “Nobody’s going to die.” He places his hand over the wound as the amazed bystanders look on and the hole and the blood disappear, like they were never there. Aaannndddd Credits! Doo DOO doo doo doo DOOOHHH etc etc.

Cool – Moose and Squirrel turn up to the chaotic scene – Mulder has his hand out of the car window in this languid sort of way for no apparent reason, but in the next shot he’s showing the uniforms his ID. How’d you get that in your hand while you were driving, Mulder? Scully (whose hair looks FABULOUS, by the way) marches straight up to a dorky-looking EMT, badges him and asks where the wounded are. He tells her there aren’t any. Now Mulder badges the poor guy and asks if he was the first medic on the scene. He admits he was, but then tells Mulder that it doesn’t make any sense. Boy, are you talking to the right FBI agent! The EMTs got a call that people had been shot, but when they got there, “there wasn’t a damn thing to do.” Dorky EMT guy sort of reminds me of Tom Cruise, but taller and without the crazed look in his eye.

Meanwhile, Scully’s inside the restaurant and badges a detective who’s slouching on a pillar just inside the door. I’m calling him Detective Donut. She wants to talk to someone who can tell her what’s going on. Keep that dream alive, Scully! Detective Donut can tell her what he saw, but then says he doesn’t think there’s a man here who can tell her what happened. Maybe someone should ask a woman then. He then declines to tell her and says she should speak to this man, who was one of the ones shot. It’s the young guy who was sneaking out, so I’ll call him Sneakers and he tells Scully he was shot in the stomach. The bullet hole still appears in his white T-shirt, but there’s no blood and he looks remarkably healthy, even though his mono-brow could do with a pluck. He tells Scully that his legs and arms were numb and he could taste blood in his throat, but he lifts his T-shirt to show Scully that he’s all better now. Scully is giving him the interrogation stare while Sneakers says that the person who healed him was the man who tried to talk Loser out of harming anyone and that he ‘touched me’. If Sneakers was younger, I’d be recommending he call the team from SVU – I’m sure Olivia and Elliot would be interested in the touching thing.

Loser’s now confined in the back of a police car and it’s only going to get worse from here for him, because Mulder opens the door and sits down next to him. Loser asks who he is and manages to contain his amusement as our hero says, “My name is Fox Mulder. I’m an FBI agent.” Loser seems unimpressed by Mulder’s credentials and gives him an ignoring he’s not going to forget in a hurry. It transpires that Loser’s real name is Mr Muntz – on balance, I think he’d probably prefer Loser, so I’ll stick with that. Staring ahead, Loser says, “God…spared my life today. He took pity on my soul and he washed away my sins.” Well, that’s all right then. “He reached down and he healed me with his hand. With the palm of his hand.” Mulder keeps an admirably straight face throughout this malarkey. I’m guessing he’s also a “Tell Me” person and has had to employ the understanding nod, the encouraging mmmmm and the discreet backing-away. I’m also thinking that he’s had that tactic employed upon him a time or two (or three, or four). Loser tells Mulder it was a holy man. Uh-huh. Finally, he turns to face Mulder and tells him it was the Good Lord Himself. Mulder looks like he’s about to say something, but stops himself just in time. I don’t think Loser is in the mood for Mulder’s wit.

As Mulder gets out of the car, and Scully makes her way across the car park, the credits inform us that the teleplay is by Chris Carter and that the story is by David Duchovny and Chris Carter. Yay! Mytharc that makes at least some sort of emotional sense, even if it doesn’t make any other kind of sense. I just know I’m going to end up wanting to make Mulder a big cup of cocoa and letting him use all my Kleenex before this episode’s over. Mulder updates Scully on Loser’s religious epiphany and Scully seems unsurprised by this. Apparently the healer has left the scene before the police could question him, but nobody saw him go. He just vanished. Without a trace. But nothing vanishes without a trace! I have that on good authority!

Now we’re on Quonochontaug, Rhode Island. Mrs Mulder (all dressed in black) is walking up to a house with a key in her hand. She looks upset. However, she is looking good and you can see where Mulder got his ability to wear a trench coat stylishly. She looks through the French doors and the furniture inside is still all covered in plastic. It looks like no one has been here in years. She goes inside, walks through one room into another, and then notices that a door to the outside has been left ajar. I need to stop and congratulate whoever cast Rebecca Toolan in this role. She’s great and not only that; she looks like she could conceivably be Mulder’s mother. She goes outside and turns – eek! It’s the Cigarette-Smoking Man! For some reason, he says, “Everything changes but the sea.” Riiigghhhttt. Teena wants to know what he wants, and he says he wants to reminisce. She looks like she’s willing him to catch on fire right in front of her so she can refrain from spitting on him and tells him she has nothing to say to him. He replies that they used to have so much to say to each other. Eeeewwwww. He talks about the good times they had, her kids, young and energetic. Then he says he remembers water-skiing with Bill, but that Bill wasn’t as good a water-skier as he was, and then he says, “…but that could be said about so many things.” Thanks CSM. Now I need to bleach my brain. Teena’s not enjoying this little jaunt down Memory Lane either. She gives him the evil eye and says: “I repressed it all.” CSM doesn’t believe it – he’s thinking that he’s so impressive that Teena would remember how it was thirty-odd years ago – although if Mulder’s equipment is anything like it’s portrayed in fan-fiction and CSM really is his father, maybe it was that memorable (always assuming it was passed from father to son genetically). He wants her to remember something and moves closer to Teena, all the better to intimidate her. The argument continues soundlessly, and oh no! Someone is spying on them and taking photographs. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!

Cut to Mulder and Scully, and Detective Donut is telling them that the mystery healing man’s name is Jeremiah Smith, and he lives in Suitland, Virginia. Is that where Hugo Boss comes from? It turns out he gave a phoney PO Box and doesn’t have a driver’s licence. Since when is that a crime? The crime-fighting trio conclude that Distinguished Roy walked from somewhere nearby as all the cars in the parking lot were accounted for. That’s some quality detecting right there! Maybe he got a cab, or a friend dropped him off, or he parachuted in? How is this critical thinking? Detective Donut is still flummoxed as to how Distinguished Roy disappeared. Mulder, who has obviously tuned out Detective Donut, notices a TV OB van outside the window. Just then, his phone rings, mercifully saving him (and us) from further demonstrations of Detective Donut’s investigative acuity. Look out – it’s Assistant Director Skinner’s office and it’s a real X-File how an inanimate object such as an office can call anyone. Mulder ought to open a file on that. However, it’s the hot, bald AD himself and he tells Mulder he has some alarming news. Apparently Mulder’s mother has been admitted to hospital in a serious condition, in a town called Quono….and he can’t pronounce it. Mulder, being a true smartarse, jumps in and says, “Quonochontaug? I’m on my way.”

It’s now 11.21pm and Mulder’s bursting through a door in a corridor. He looks upset and pissed. Does he ever enter a hospital like a normal person, asking politely at the desk after his friend/relative and sitting patiently in the waiting room? I think not. He quickly strides to Room 6 and opens the door, but stops immediately, gutted by the sight of his mother hooked up to a ventilator and all sorts of machines that go ‘Beep’. He walks over slowly and gently takes her hand and lays his other hand on her forehead. Scully has now turned up – I’m guessing her little feet couldn’t keep up with Mulder – and tells Mulder that the nurse said that Teena has had a stroke, they don’t know the nature or severity of it and the doctor’s on his way down. Mulder somehow intuits that his mother is cold and fusses around with her blankets, covering her. Scully is trying to be comforting, telling Mulder that people recover from these situations all the time, but Mulder only has eyes for his Mum. He strokes her hair softly and says, “Mom,” in this really broken, almost little-boy voice. The nurse pipes up and says that Teena is unable to speak. She tells Mulder that a 911 call came in and that the paramedics from Shelter Harbour found Teena on the floor of the house. Mulder keeps stroking Teena’s hair and calls to her again, but this time she opens her eyes and she wants something to write on. Kudos to Duchovny for the way he plays this scene. In fact, I love the way he makes Mulder interact with Teena – it seems like such an authentic Mother-Son relationship, even when things are bad and she slaps him in Demons.

Scully, ever prepared, hands over a notebook and a pen and Mulder holds the notebook for his mother while she scratches out the word – PALM. Over the years, I’ve heard many people assert that what she writes is PLAM, but I’m looking at the paused DVD right now and it’s definitely PALM. Mulder and Scully look puzzled by this development and Mulder says, “Palm?” but we fade to commercial.

Teena’s being wheeled down the corridor on a gurney, past Scully who’s fiddle-faddling at the nurse’s station, followed by a glum Mulder. Teena is being loaded into an ambulance, so she’s obviously being transferred to another facility. It’s a nice shot, with the ambulance lights reflected on the hospital’s glass doors, as Mulder watches his mother being driven away from him. Scully does some medico-babble, telling Mulder that his mother has had a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage, but that they’re hopeful because circulation was restored quickly. It could have been a lot worse. Mulder’s not looking very spry and Scully asks him if he’s all right. He then starts yammering on that he thinks there’s a correlation between the shooting at the fast-food restaurant and what’s happened to his mother. Yoink! Scully is going to get whiplash if he keeps changing direction so quickly. Apparently, he’s riffing on all this just because his mother used the word ‘palm’ and Distinguished Roy healed everyone with the palm of his hand. Personally, I think he’s drawing rather a long bow, but hell, the show’s about him so he gets to be right, at least 99.8% of the time. Driving, at least. Scully, however, is sceptical. She argues, using logic. She doesn’t think that ‘palm’ means anything, even though Mulder is desperate to believe it does. She explains that Teena’s brain and her thought processes have been radically changed by the stroke, but Mulder’s not having a bar of it. Scully offers to drive him to the nearest motel (you go, girl!), but Mulder, oblivious to her charms, insists on going back to DC.

Back in DC, and Mulder’s hitting the videotape (not like that – get your mind out of the gutter!). They aren’t the tapes that aren’t his (if you know what I mean), but are instead the footage shot by the news crew of the shooting incident and subsequent police investigation. There’s Distinguished Roy on tape, talking to Detective Donut. Someone walks in front of the camera, and then Distinguished Roy is just gone! Mulder rewinds the footage, and it’s clear that someone else is standing next to Detective Donut in Distinguished Roy’s clothes. How’d he manage that? Mulder tells Scully to go find out what happened to Distinguished Roy and when she asks in turn where he’s going, he tells her that if he told her, she’d never let him go. Mulder, I’m telling you, stay away from porn theatres. You’ll give your poor mother another stroke. Scully protests that he hasn’t slept in almost 24 hours, but he ignores her and tells her to call him if she finds anything. Disgruntled, Scully turns back to examining the tape.

Now there’s a crane shot of bureaucracy hell – the Social Security Administration in Washington DC. Poor clerical workers, all sitting behind computers on exactly the same desks in the most boring office space in the world. I’m glad my government work doesn’t suck this much. At least I have my Big Gay Boss to keep me amused. Enter a group of Secret Servicy-looking guys, who spread out looking for someone. No one seems to be taking much notice; if that happened in our office, everyone would have their heads up above their cubicles like meerkats. Now another door opens and more agents come in, accompanied by Old Smokey. Distinguished Roy is sitting at one of the desks, so I’m guessing it’s him they’re after. He must be this Season’s Key to the X-Files or something. He tries to slip surreptitiously out a back door, but there’s agents waiting for him there and they grab him. All of the agents leave, but no one in this office seems nonplussed by the apparent arrest of a co-worker. These public servants are either used to this, completely brain-dead or think that there is more paperwork involved. Rule One of the Public Service Code of Conduct – cover your arse. It’s one of those unwritten Australian Public Service rules. Cut to – a prison, and Distinguished Roy is being given the Hannibal Lecter treatment, I believe unfairly as it has yet to be proven that he has eaten anybody’s liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Mulder has driven from DC to Quonochontaug without having slept, but he’s still looking sexy. He enters the house, which is still wrapped in so much plastic you’d mistake it for Laura Palmer (palm again – do you think there’s a connection?). The door his mother noticed is still ajar and he heads outside – is that meant to be sand or snow on the top step? I ask because I am no expert, as I have never seen snow. Considering the sound of seagulls in the background I will go with sand, but feel free to write and correct me if I am wrong. Awww, poor Mulder. He’s got a nasty white stain on his lovely trench coat, probably from leaning up against something. Unexpectedly, X appears from inside the house, saying: “He was here with her.” Mulder shows off that Oxford University education and says, “What?” To which X answers, “With your mother.” Mulder still doesn’t understand, so X explicates further. “The Cancer Man.” Mulder still thinks X has taken a few hits off Chris Carter’s bong, but I think X is just one of those people who thinks knowledge is power and is deliberately unclear when he speaks to keep other people off balance. He shows Mulder the photographs of Teena arguing with Old Smokey, and drops the bomb that Teena and CSM were acquainted. Here we see the first real cracks in the relationship between Mulder and his mother that comes to a climax in Demons. Mulder asked if CSM hurt his mother, but X tells him that she collapsed after CSM left. It turns out that X made the 911 call that saved Teena’s life. Instead of thanking him, Mulder is back on the conspiracy trail, wanting to know what they were arguing about. X doesn’t know – he says he was forced to keep a discreet distance. Now, I’m deaf but you’d think a heated argument like that would carry a bit. X thinks that Teena kept something in the house that Old Smokey wants – perhaps he left his water skis behind? Mulder looks pretty cut-up about the connection between his mother and CSM and tells X that she swore never to set foot in the house again after the divorce from Bill. Then he says: “I know my mother. She kept her word.” Duchovny puts a little wobble in his voice when he says this that just breaks my heart. It makes me want to put my arms around Mulder and stroke his hair and tell him it will be all right. He has such lovely hair, thick and chestnut brown and it looks soft and silky…..OK, I’m back. X is telling Mulder that whatever CSM is looking for could be very old, and Mulder is saying he has no idea, but X keeps pushing. I’m thinking that X is either trying to find out how much Mulder knows, or doesn’t know himself and is trying to get Mulder to give him information without admitting he doesn’t know. Mulder’s finally had enough of the double talk and heads back inside.

Meanwhile, back at FBI Headquarters in Washington DC, Distinguished Roy walks up to Scully and says that there’s been a mistake and that he’s there to clear it up. Wha???? Isn’t he banged up in some sort of secret military prison doing his impression of Anthony Hopkins’ Oscar-winning shenanigans? I don’t think I’ve been hitting the crack pipe too much this week. Scully looks rather confused, even though she’s unaware of the Doppelganger goings-on. Distinguished Roy now has to explain himself to Scully and a group of FBI people, and he claims the whole incident was like a dream and he remembers none of it and certainly doesn’t remember leaving the crime scene. Detective Donut (where did he come from?) is still pissed about being given a phoney address, but Distinguished Roy only apologises and says he doesn’t remember. Skinner asks him what he does remember, and DR says that his memory kicks in the next day at work. Scully reassures DR that he hasn’t done anything wrong and he asks if he can go. Scully looks at Skinner, who says yes, but doesn’t look happy about it and goes on to say that DR needs to notify the FBI if he is going to be out of town for any reason until the matter is cleared up. Distinguished Roy looks pleased enough with that, and goes out the door, leaving a roomful of confused investigators in his wake.

It seems we’re back in the house at Quonochontaug, but it’s hard to tell because someone’s stumbling around in the dark. Turn the bloody lights on, so we can see what’s happening! Oh, it’s Mulder with a flashlight. Not a Maglite, just an ordinary flashlight that appears to be of limited use. Now Mulder has found a light switch, and we can see what’s going on. Weird. This house has a mirror in the kitchen, with a foofy little ruffly thing over it. What’s that about? It’s hideous! And it looks like there’s a spoon collection hanging on the wall next to it. Where do you even find shit like that? No wonder Teena didn’t want to go back inside the house. Mulder’s having a snoop through the cupboards, but not finding much of interest. There appears to be clothes in plastic dry-cleaning bags in the wardrobe – why would you leave good clothes in a house that you were not going to use? I’m too cheap to do that. There’s a truly ugly straw hat there too – I can just see Bill Mulder wearing that with his thin-lipped grimace and his protuberant eyes. I admit it; I don’t like Bill Mulder much. Mulder is totally tossing the place, going through all the drawers and little tchotchkes. He’s even pulling books out of the book-case (and there’s no way I’d ever leave books anywhere) and one of them looks to be an historical romance, but it’s been put on the shelf upside down. I’m supposing that one was Teena’s. There’s even linen left on the beds. Those Mulders must have had more money than sense. Mulder pulls the plastic off a couch and flops down into it, dispirited. Aww, you want some cocoa, Mulder? I’ll get the milk heating on the stove. He pulls out the notepaper with PALM written on it and studies it some more. Ooh, now he’s written LAMP – perhaps Teena’s scrambled speech centres got all the letters right, but they’re all in the wrong order? There are at least half a dozen lamps in shot – who the hell owns that many lamps? – and Mulder starts unscrewing and examining, only to think that maybe something’s hidden in the base, so he throws the ceramic base at the brick fireplace and smashes it to pieces. Just as well Teena’s not coming back here. Fox is going to be in big trouble for smashing the lamps. This is only the beginning of a lamp-smashing frenzy, but on his second attempt, Mulder finds something odd in the lamp base. It looks like a metal cylinder, and irrepressibly curious as always, Mulder presses a little button on the side, to be startled when an ice-pick style thing shoots up and almost takes out one of his eyes. I have to stop here to remark how this chiaroscuro lighting style suits Duchovny – it brings out his great bone structure.

Distinguished Roy I is getting a visitor in da big house. It’s the CSM and I don’t think it’s a social call. At least he has the decency to remove DRI’s gag, then he makes himself comfortable, pulling up a chair and sitting on it. He begins by making all sorts of veiled threats about how he has to clean up the mess etc etc and DRI responds by saying he’s not ashamed of what he has done. CSM remarks that he’s not allowed the luxury of human weakness and penitence, by which I think he means that Distinguished Roy and his Doppelgangers (my next rock band) are trying to make up for their complicity in the huge Government/Alien conspiracy whatchamacallit. DRI says he no longer believes in the greater purpose and CSM goes on threatening someone who obviously does not give a shit and doesn’t mind letting him know it. He tells CSM he has no right and no means to mete out justice. CSM is pretty pissed that DRI has exposed the conspiracy by his laying-on of hands actions, and here we begin to get some explanation of CSM’s motivations. He says: “Who are you to give them hope?” to which DRI asks what CSM gives them. He replies: “We give them happiness. And they give us authority.” He goes on to reveal his contempt for the rest of humankind, calling them weak, corrupt, worthless and restless. I can’t figure out if he’s a sociopath, or if he’s right. They then begin a metaphysical argument about science vs religion that I can’t be arsed recreating. Now DRI freaks out CSM by turning into Deep Throat, so in order for this to be effective, it’s a dead cert that CSM was behind his death in The Erlenmeyer Flask. They threaten each other some more and CSM grows tired of this back and forth and leaves.

Back to the FBI building and Mulder is intimidating Skinner’s secretary and barging into the AD’s office, demanding CSM’s name, rank and serial number. Ooh, Scully was already there- what did Skinner want her for? Paperwork? Mulder busts out the incriminating photographs and blames Old Smokey for his mother’s stroke. Mulder is getting pretty demanding and all up in Skinner’s grill. Skinner admits that he can no longer contact CSM and Mulder finally calms down enough to tell them that CSM’s trying to kill the man from the restaurant shooting. Scully then gives him the startling news that Distinguished Roy came in yesterday and turned himself in. Oh, no he didn’t, Scully – that was a Doppelganger.

Mulder and Scully go to the Social Security Administration looking for Distinguished Roy. Hee, she is so short, she barely comes up to Mulder’s shoulder. Mulder’s looking a little rough – he could use a shave. They find a version of Distinguished Roy and Mulder identifies himself as an FBI agent. He asks Distinguished Roy to come with him, but DR doesn’t see the need and turns to Scully and says accusingly, “I thought they said you’d call if there was anything.” Scully looks a little guilty, but Mulder pushes right ahead with his agenda and leans down to grab D Roy, saying he’s sure he wouldn’t want to cause a scene at work. Go ahead Mulder, those co-workers of Distinguished Roy wouldn’t stop working if a UFO landed in the staff room. D. Roy capitulates and accompanies Moose and Squirrel out of the building, but gives them the slip just as they get off the elevator. They are bemused and bewildered, but there is a lingering shot of a bearded man who happens to be wearing Distinguished Roy’s clothes. Oh, that D. Roy! He’s so tricky!

Back we trot to D. Roy I’s prison. D. Roy accuses CSM of being afraid of him, but CSM denies it. As you would. D. Roy I threatens CSM some more, insinuating that he has more power than CSM knew about. However, CSM isn’t going to take this lying down. CSM accuses D. Roy I of thinking he’s God, but he’s really only a drone, a cataloguer, chattel. He delivers that line with some real venom. D. Roy counters by saying, “What you’re afraid of is they’ll believe I’m God.” Then they start in again on the metaphysical argument blah, blah, blah. D. Roy I then freaks CSM out again by appearing as Bill Mulder. Man, I even hate this fake version of him. I was glad when it turned out he wasn’t Mulder’s real father. I wasn’t that surprised when it turned out to be CSM – after all, Mulder and CSM share many character traits, but like a tarot card, there are light and dark in both. They are both single-minded and obsessive, both have a very black sense of humour and they’re both tall, but Mulder uses his gifts for apparently good reasons, while CSM uses his for eeevvvillll. Even the tall thing. CSM is so rattled he lights another cigarette and D. Roy I as Bill Mulder keeps on turning the knife, then he turns back into Roy Thinnes and tells CSM he is dying of lung cancer. Not a big shock there, considering that he smokes like a chimney, but CSM denies it, saying that D. Roy I just wants to save his own life, by which I’m guessing that CSM thinks that D. Roy I wants to exchange his healing powers for escape.

We get a shot of the outside of the prison and the camera pulls down to reveal the man who escaped from Mulder and Scully, who morphs into the Schwarzenalien. Holy snapping arseholes – where is this going? He’s even brought his own icepick to the party! He gets let in to the prison, only to discover that D. Roy I is no longer in residence. Dun DUNNN!!!

Hospital, in Providence, Rhode Island. We’re at Teena Mulder’s bedside, and Mulder is getting some bad news from her doctor about substantial blood loss during the stroke, which has put pressure on her brain. Mulder asks if she will regain consciousness, but the doctor is doubtful. Mulder’s been crying and his face looks all swollen and awful. I knew I needed to bring Kleenex for this episode. He closes the door, sits down next to his mother, picks up her hand and puts it on his face and starts to cry again.

Mulder pulls himself together and leans in the corridor outside her hospital room, only to hear the flick of a cigarette lighter. He turns to see Old Smokey in the corridor. Continuing his fine record of hospital misbehaviour, he bails Smokey up and sticks his gun in his face. Smokey cracks a smart remark (see, told you he was Mulder’s real dad) so Mulder pulls the cigarette out of Smokey’s mouth and says: “I should shoot you here, but they’d probably save you.” Smokey tells him to do it. Mulder gets even more upset and says: “Or maybe put a bullet through your brain so you’ll be bedridden for the rest of your life like my mother!” Smokey then asks how Teena is and Mulder says: “What do you care?” CSM then says: “I’ve known your mother since before you were born, Fox.” William B. Davis does a great job of putting an insinuating little spin on that line. Mulder is unimpressed by Smokey’s squirming around and doesn’t believe him when he says that he wasn’t looking for anything, but that Teena was. He’s lying of course. He admitted in the scene with Teena that he was the one who had asked to meet her. Mulder calls him a liar, but then Smokey drops the Samantha clue to distract him. A nurse then breaks up this heartfelt family reunion, and Mulder moves back, concealing his gun from her. The nurse knows that something’s going on, but eventually leaves. Mulder continues interrogating CSM, but he tells Mulder that the man who had the information about Samantha has disappeared. Yeah, right. Mulder tells Smokey he has what he wants, but Smokey bluffs him by saying he doesn’t want anything, except to see how Teena’s doing. Smokey then heads on down to the nurse’s station to make inquiries.

And we’re back at the J. Edgar Hoover building. It’s 11.21pm again, and Scully’s got her spectacles on and has found multiple records for Jeremiah Smith through the Social Security Administration. She’s sitting in a darkened office in front of a computer screen and you’d think someone with a medical degree would know how bad that is for your eyes. I’m just sayin’. Holy cow! All of these Jeremiah Smiths are identical! Scully tries to phone Mulder, but he’s sitting somewhere out of mobile phone range, and it looks like he’s eating sunflower seeds. Drink. It looks like some sort of car park. All of a sudden, X appears from the shadows and asks: “Do you have it?” Mulder says: “Yes.” X then demands that Mulder give it to him, but Mulder refuses. X says that it’s of no value to Mulder, but Mulder is not swayed by this argument. After all, it was in Mulder’s house (I’m assuming Bill would have left it to him considering Teena’s declaration she would never return to it), so it’s Mulder’s to keep if he wants. What right does X have to it? I’ll see you in court, homey. Mulder tries to get X to admit that what he’s found is a weapon to use against the Mighty Morphin’ Power Aliens, but X is determined to remain mysterious although he does admit that a gunshot won’t do. He menaces Mulder, telling him that he will be killed for the icepick. I don’t understand why it’s such a singular weapon – it doesn’t look that hard to reverse-engineer. Mulder tries to get X to admit that the date for colonisation is set, but X is having none of that and demands the weapon again. Mulder says no, and I don’t blame him. X is a complete arsehole. As Mulder turns to walk away, X punches him in the back of the head (ouch!). They fight, and Mulder does pretty well against a trained assassin for a guy who hasn’t slept for two days, but eventually X starts to win, so Mulder pulls his gun, prompting X to do the same. It’s a stand-off. Mulder tells X that if he shoots him, he’ll never find it and X responds that he ought to shoot him anyway. I’m guessing Mulder got a couple of good hits in. X tells Mulder he’s a dead man. Like that’s ever stopped Mulder. For Gawd’s sake, he even came back after being buried for three months in Season 8. But of course X is not privy to this information, although I am.

Casa du Scully, 1.12am. That’s some overtime. Scully’s about to make a phone call, but someone’s knock, knock, knocking on her door. She checks the time – how rude to visit at this hour! I hope she gives whoever it is a piece of her mind! She asks who it is and the visitor claims to be Jeremiah Smith and asks to be let in. Scully is taking no chances, so she draws her gun and sidles up to the door, peeking through the spy-hole thingy. Hee, she’s so short she has to stand on tippy-toe. Not that I can talk. I think we’re probably the same height. Scully opens the door and makes him come in with his hands up. He tells her that he has important information that her partner has been seeking. Why is he at Scully’s place then? Is he a shipper – did he expect Mulder to be there half-naked and smelling raunchy? Or have I been reading too much lurid fan-fiction? You be the judge. Distinguished Roy tells Scully that the man she spoke to before, thinking it was him, was an impostor. Scully’s phone rings. That better be important to be calling at this time of night. Of course, it’s Mulder. He’s sporting a split lip and he tells her he’s been up with his mother. Scully tells him that Distinguished Roy is with her and that he needs to talk to Mulder. Mulder tells her that they’re looking for DR and that he wants her to meet him off the I95 on Bond Mill Road.

Scully and Distinguished Roy drive up to what seems to be an abandoned sawmill. I don’t know why Mulder wants her to meet him there, but if I try to make too much sense of a Mytharc episode, I’m in line for an aneurysm myself. Mulder is skulking about and calls out to Scully. He tells Scully to move away from DR and to come stand behind him. Distinguished Roy appears to be a little insulted by Mulder’s precautions and says that he comes to him at great risk and means no harm. Mulder has the alien icepick of death and won’t let go of it. Scully says that DR knows about Samantha and DR tells Mulder that it was him at the restaurant who healed the people. Scully asks how, and DR says he will explain everything to her. Sure you will. That would be a first for this show. Mulder wants Distinguished Roy to come with him to see his mother, presumably to heal her. Just as Distinguished Roy nods agreement, another car pulls up and they are caught dead in the headlights. This can’t be good. Crap. It’s the Schwarzenalien and he has his own alien icepick of death. DR tells Mulder that the Schwarzenalien is here to kill him. Mulder and Scully look confused as the Schwarzenalien comes closer and closer…

To be continued…..MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAH

Recap by Crass