1×19: DARKNESS FALLS
by foxestacado
Recap by Bolissa
Let me start off by saying that I hate insects. Bugs. Creepy-crawly things. They give me the wig like nothing else. I can handle blood and guts, no problem. That stuff never freaks me out. However, there are two things that gave me the most horrible nightmares growing up: insects and Donnie Pfaster. I used to watch those horrible B-movies like Killer Bees and Ants! and it traumatized me. The same goes for X-Files episodes surrounding bugs. They wig me out like you wouldn’t believe. So why am I doing this recap? Well, I do actually like this episode. But maybe I’m a glutton for punishment. Which might be true because I seem to be recapping almost every episode that contains one Diana Fowley. ["And I seem to be editing all those episodes. - Raceguy]
Ok. Let’s get this over with.
Olympic National Forest, Northwest Washington Sate. Isn’t it convenient that the U.S. Pacific Northwest looks almost identical to British Columbia? As the teaser opens, a whole bunch of manly men loggers are arguing. Apparently there’s something in the woods that’s freaking them out. I think it’s the lack of women. They don’t look like the kind of guys who would be too thrilled at going Brokeback. “Let’s face it, this thing could kill us all,” Dyer says. You don’t have to get so dramatic over it. Being gay never killed anybody! Wait…ok, nevermind. Some dude named Perkins says “We should’ve been gone two days ago. Nobody would listen to me.” I think their will-power is giving way and they can’t fight the gay. Hey! That rhymed. “Somebody has to go for help.” They need to find a woman, I imagine. Some dude starts freaking out about being left behind. “We have to take a chance, one of us has to hike out!”, Perkins says. Oh, no! Hiking. Ugh. I hate hiking. My parents would drag me and my brother up and down mountains and I grew to despise it. Anyways, back to our tale. Dyer speaks up “He might not make it down to the road before nightfall! Then what? I say we make a run for it, split up, take our chances!” Why before nightfall? Oh, I think I get it. Once it gets dark, the campfire goes out and it gets cold. Then dudes will be crawling into other dudes’ tents and who knows what could happen?! And they need to split up, in case they can’t resist the call of the gay. But Perkins then tells Dyer that it would mean suicide. Well, that’s kind of a stretch. Do you think I’m reading the situation wrong? We’ll see. The gang all decides that they’d like to make a run for it. They all run and it’s basically a Loggers Free For All. They’re all running and yelling and there’s way too much testosterone in the air. Geez, when are we gonna get to Scully? Is it time for the credits yet? So basically everyone’s running and then it gets dark. Uh oh! Dyer is running and then he falls over a tree branch or something. Perkins comes up behind him. Not like that you pervs! Get your minds out of the gutter. Perkins tries to help Dyer up but he says that he thinks something is broken. Oh, what a wuss. He didn’t even fall that hard. Get up and quit complaining. Perkins lifts him and they walk a little ways before Dyer falls on the ground again. “We’re not going to make it.” Well, he sure gave up on the hetero easily. But I don’t think Perkins is in the mood right now, Dyer. All of a sudden there’s this humming static sound. Perkins and Dyer look up and there’s these green static things flying through the air straight for them. They start screaming as Mark Snow kicks out the hot new jam “Attack of the Green Static (We’re Insects, Yo)” as the screen fades to a neon green color.
Credits. Do you guys think that those loggers were actually afraid of those static bugs? And not, you know, gay temptations?
LBO. Finally, we’ve come to the part where Mulder tells Scully about some weird case and Scully tries to reason with him into finding a non-paranormal answer. Mulder is rocking the projection screen. Apparently, all those loggers posed for a group photo before disaster struck. Scully wants to know what she’s looking at. “Thirty loggers working a clear-cutting contract in Washington State. Rugged, manly men in the full bloom of their manhood.” Scully’s like, “Get to the point, Spooky.” Mulder grins and says “Anything strange, unexplainable, unlikely… boyfriend?” Scully smiles. You know, Season 1 is so random. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great season. But the tone is completely different from later in the series. Heck, Season 2 even. I guess this is probably due to the fact that this is pre-Scully’s abduction, Melissa’s and Bill Mulder’s murders, and all those times Mulder died. But it’s just weird. There’s too much smiling going on. And I don’t think Mulder would’ve made that “boyfriend” crack in later seasons. They ended up developing this unspoken understanding that they basically had a sex-less marriage. Well, at least it was sex-less for a good long while. There’s a knock at my door. Hold on… Hey, guess who’s here? It’s Jessica’s friend Exposition. Take a seat, my man. You’ve got some work to do. Anyways, Mulder tells Scully that it appears that all those loggers vanished. But there might be an explanation. He changes the slide and there’s now a picture of two men. “This is Doug Spinney and Steven Teague. They call themselves ‘monkey wrenchers.’ The guys who drive spikes into trees, sabotage logging equipment and otherwise make life miserable for lumberjacks and lumbermills.” I think that phrase “monkey wrenchers” will be used a lot in this episode and that it will increasingly drive me crazy. I have a hunch. Scully calls them “ecoterrorists or militant environmentalists.” I wonder if Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio have seen this episode. “Right. Two weeks ago, the group of loggers I just showed you radioed a message that Spinney and Teague had gone on a spree. Spiking trees, sabotaging equipment, causing general mischief. One week later, all radio communication was cut off,” Mulder yaps. Scully asks why. Exposition groans. Sorry, but Mulder ain’t done yet. “No. The lumber company that employs the men has asked the Federal Forest Service to look into the matter. Two officials were sent in a week ago and no one has heard from them since.” The FBI has been called to investigate. Scully wants to know why the heck they’ve been assigned. Missing loggers ain’t an X-File, exactly. “In 1934, long before anyone even knew what an ecoterrorist was, a W.P.A. crew vanished from that same area without a trace. Not one of those men was ever found or heard from again.” Exposition lays down on the couch. Dude, it wasn’t that bad. And don’t get comfortable. I might need you later.
Scully wants to know if Mulder suspects Bigfoot. Aww, she’s getting the hang of it down in the basement. Go, girl. Mulder cracks that all those loggers might be too much flannel for Bigfoot. Scully smiles. See what I mean? With the smiling? It’s bugging me. HA! See what I did there? With the “bugging”? Because this episode is about bugs. Get it? I catch Exposition rolling his eyes and I make him go get me a beer. Meanwhile, Mulder tells Scully that “it’ll be a nice trip to the forest.” Run, Scully! RUN!
Olympic National Forest. Mulder and Scully park their car and approach a Sheriff-looking dude going over a map on the hood of his truck. I’m assuming he’s a Sheriff since this show is filled with Sheriffs. Mulder introduces himself and Scully. “Larry Moore, Federal Forest Service.” Ok, I was wrong. He’s not a Sheriff. He’s a Park Ranger. Larry the Park Ranger tells Mulder that they can load their gear in his truck. “Must be pretty rugged where we’re going, huh?,” Scully asks. Wait a minute. Did she just bat her eyelashes? Scully’s flirting with the Park Ranger! Well, he is pretty hot. So I can’t blame her. Mulder doesn’t notice, no surprise there, and instead comments on the bullet hole in Hot Larry’s windshield. ["I'm guessing DD didn't notice because the actor playing Hot Larry is his childhood best friend, and the guy who convinced him to start acting. Thanks, Hot Larry Actor!" - raceguy10390] Hot Larry says that it was from a .22 caliber and Mulder’s shocked. “There’s not much to hunt around here with that type of ammo except Freddies,” Hot Larry says. Scully’s like, “Kreuger?” and then gives Mulder a dirty look for making her chase a fictional character through the Washington woods. “Employees of the Federal Forest Service. It’s, uh, it’s what the ecoterrorists call us.” Maybe I’m just dumb or overly exhausted from working for 14.5 hrs but I don’t see how you can really get “Freddies” from the Federal Forest Service. Anyways, Hot Larry says that he doesn’t have a problem with the environmentalists but he doesn’t condone their methods. Scully asks if they’d actually kill someone. “Well, there’s thirty men up there unaccounted for, each with survival experience. Something happened to them,” Hot Larry answers. Then this older dude joins them carrying this huge bag that he drops in the truck. He apologizes for being late because he was talking to the wife of an AWOL logger. Hot Larry introduces Mulder and Scully to “Steve Humphreys, head of security for Schiff-Immergut Lumber.” He works for the evil lumber company! Deforestation is bad, yo. As he’ll personally find out later. He shakes Mulder and Scully’s hands and Mulder tells him their names. “Well, we’ve got a four hour drive ahead of us. Plenty of time to get to know each other,” he crabs. Man, what a jackhole. As he gets in the truck, Scully close-talks to Mulder “get the impression that we’ve walked into the middle of a war that’s already started?” and then gets in the truck. That line was weird. Mulder smiles at her. God, you two! Will you quit it with the smiling? ["Yeah! You're making "The Rain King" look like a dark episode!" - Raceguy]
Hot Larry’s Truck. Scully asks why the loggers were working so far up into the forest. Jackhole Steve tells her because the trees are up there. Scully’s like, “eyeroll.” I slap Exposition awake. Time to get to work. Jackhole Steve continues “environmentalists have pretty much made sure that all the land you see here is untouchable. We’re forced to take our timber where we can get it. Even then, we plant saplings for every tree we take.” Mulder asks why they’re targeted by the environmentalists. Jackhole Steve tells him that the “tree-huggers” are the offspring of all those guys who escaped the Vietnam War by high-tailing it to Canada. My dad almost did that, but the government never got close to his birthday so no need. Anyways, Jackhole Steve is under the impression that they and their tactics are “cowardly.” At this moment, Hot Larry’s truck hits something in the road and starts shaking before coming to a standstill. Hot Larry gets out and finds a “homemade tire spike.” It can’t be fixed. Mulder mentions a spare but then Jackhole Steve points out that another tire is busted too. “Monkey wrenchers call it a caltrop. The roads back here are littered with them. Indiscriminate terrorism. Can you imagine somebody putting these down or spiking the roads of Washington, D.C.? I’d like to see how much sympathy they get then.” There’s that “monkey wrenchers” again. Cram it, Jackhole. But he does make a point. How many people would be behind Al Gore if there were spikes all over the streets of Washington? Scully wants to know how they’re going to get to the camp. Hot Larry proceeds to ruin everyone’s day, including mine, by telling them “we’re going to have to hike.” Aww, man. Scully makes a face that exactly matches the one I’m making right now. “Can I take a nap now?” Exposition whines. Sure, why not? I’ll wake you up if I need you. Exposition then mumbles something best left unsaid. ["Exposition, cram it." - Raceguy]
Logger Camp. I notice that Scully is decked out in a coat that’s a similar shade of blue to her jacket in Detour. She must like that color. Mulder and Scully walk into the cabin and banter about food being left on the table. While Scully checks out the bathroom, Mulder finds a bag of weed on top of the refridgerator. Wow, the loggers must’ve been really terrified to leave that behind. Mulder also notices a greasy film covering some surfaces. Jackhole Steve asks if they found anything. To which Mulder replies “party favors” and holds up the weed. He then pockets it, pondering over different scenarios to get Scully good and loose. Jackhole Steve says that the generator is busted and that all the vehicles have been “monkey wrenched.” Ugh. Here we go again. I can’t wait for him to bite it later. Whoops. Oh well. You were all warned in the Spoiler Policy. Jackhole Steve then points out the broken radio. Outside, Hot Larry finds rice in the radiator of a truck and tells the rest of the gang that there’s “sugar or sand in the crankcases.” What’s a crankcase? Does it even matter? No. Moving on. Jackhole Steve says that the sun’s going to set in an hour and a half. Hot Larry wants to look around before it gets dark. Yes, you do Hot Larry. Yes you do. Jackhole Steve is going to try to fix the generator. Scully tells Mulder that he was “right about one thing”, that Bigfoot wasn’t involved.
Forest. Hot Larry, Mulder and Scully trek through the woods and come across this huge web-like thing laid horizontally up in some branches. It seriously looks as though Shelob has left Middle Earth and now resides in the Pacific Northwest. Scully wonders what it is and Hot Larry says that it “looks like a hive. Maybe a cocoon of some kind.” Mulder asks what could make it. Hot Larry says that he’s never seen anything like it before. Next thing you know, the pussy boys have hoisted Scully up in a pulley swing to check out the cocoon. Oh, no. This is when I start wigging, people. Mulder asks Scully if she can cut it down. “Yeah, I think so.” WHAT? NO, Scully! OMG. OMG. OMG. Ewwww. NO! Scully takes out a knife and then I’m not sure what happens because my hands are covering my face. I peek out to notice that Scully sees human fingers sticking out of the cocoon. She looks like she might puke. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. OMG. Gross! EW EW EW EW EW!!!! Exposition wakes up and slaps me. “Get ahold of yourself, woman!” Ok, sorry. I’ll try. I’m pausing the DVD to get up and get a drink. Hopefully my skin stops crawling… Ok, I’m back. Let’s do this. So they managed to get the cocoon down and I’m glad we were spared that scene. But hold up, the grossness isn’t over yet. Hot Larry takes a knife and starts cutting it open. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. OMG. I can’t look. Oh that’s right, it’s just a corpse. No matter how many times I watch this episode, I always expect bugs to come pouring out when the cocoon is cut open. Wigs. Me. Out. Scully, ever the pathologist, just puts her hand on down there and feels around. “It feels, uh… it feels dessicated and hard and dry. Almost… preserved.” Hot Larry says that its as though the body was embalmed. Scully’s like, “I’m the scientist here, Park Ranger. The body’s been drained of all its fluids.” Scully feels around some more and says that she thinks it’s a male. “Barely,” Mulder quips. Scully gives him this look. I can’t describe it. She just looks at him for a beat. Maybe she’s wondering about that long-standing curiosity and when it will be satisfied. Not for a very long time, Scully. Anyways, Scully asks what kind of insect could’ve gotten a man way up in the tree. “Itsy-bitsy spider,” Mulder says. I bet you he’s thinking about Shelob, too.
Logger Camp. Jackhole Steve is fixing the generator when he hears a sound nearby. He picks up his shotgun and goes to check it out. When he walks in the cabin he sees a strange guy eating all the leftover food. Jackhole Steve puts his gun on him. “Don’t move. Who are you?” He turns around and we see it’s one of the guys from that picture of the ecoterrorists that Mulder showed Scully in the LBO. That seems like forever ago, doesn’t it? Jackhole Steve knows the dude. “Doug Spinney. I oughta shoot you where you stand.” Doug looks rough, yo. He’s all dirty and his mustache is a little too thick. It’s a porn-stache. Dirty Doug Diggler tells Jackhole Steve that he “might as well shoot [himself] too. “Well if he says “monkey wrench” one more time, I’m gonna shoot him. Jackhole Steve wants to know what happened to the loggers. He has no idea what Jackhole Steve’s talking about. “I don’t know what happened to them. Probably the same thing that’ll happen to us when the sun goes down.” Dirty Doug Diggler and Jackhole Steve gaze at each other. Mark Snow pushes the “Cheesy 70’s Porn Music” button on his Casio. Before they can experience Brokeback: The Sequel, they’re interrupted by Mulder. “What are you doing?” Jackhole Steve gets all macho and spits “This animal is [Dirty Doug Diggler]. He’s the man responsible for all the monkey wrenching. He’s probably a murderer as well.” AHHH! Shoot him! Where are those freaking bugs? Isn’t it time for him to die yet? DDD snits “I’m no murderer.” Jackhole Steve calls him a liar. They gaze intently at one another. Mark Snow’s finger is hovering over that button. Scully whispers to Mulder, “you get the impression that we’ve walked into a porn film that’s already started?” Mulder grins, “when is our scene coming up?” Heh. Ok, not really.
Mulder thinks they should hear what DDD has to say and puts his hand on Jackhole Steve’s shotgun. Hee! Oh, dear. My mind’s in the gutter now! Get out! Anyhoo, DDD thinks they should be worrying about fixing the generator because “darkness is our enemy.” Jackhole Steve wants to know what DDD’s yapping about. “Someone want to give me a hand?” DDD asks. Insert your own joke here. DDD and Hot Larry walk outside. Then Jackhole Steve starts bitching about following orders from DDD when he’s the one who fixed the generator! He wants a gold star! Or at least a pat on the back! Is that too much to ask? Once outside, Mulder asks DDD what he meant by that “darkness is our enemy” stuff. DDD tells him “that’s when they come.” Scully wants to know who. “I don’t know what it is. They come from the sky, take a man right off his feet and devour him alive. I saw it happen.” Mulder and Scully share a look and Mulder wants to know who was devoured alive. DDD ignores him, starts up the generator and then says that he needs to eat because he hasn’t eaten in three days. He walks back inside the cabin. Jackhole Steve is not impressed. “What kind of a B.S. story is that, huh? You believe that?” The rest of the gang tells him about the cocoon with the corpse in it.
Inside the cabin, DDD is eating some soup. Or stew. Whatever, it’s not important. Mulder wants to know what happened. DDD tells him that four of them were camped two valleys over but there’s only three now. “More rats for the wood pile,” Jackhole Steve snits. I’m so glad he’s gonna die soon. DDD says that their truck had a dead battery and they drew straws to see who would “hike over” to steal one from the loggers. “Why not just hike out?” Mulder asks. DDD says that it’s “more than a day’s hike” and they don’t want to be out in the forest after dark. I don’t know what’s more irritating: Mulder and Scully’s smiling, “monkey wrench-ed/ers/ing” or all this hiking talk. It’s pretty close but Jackhole Steve’s monkey wrenching wins out. Mulder asks DDD what they’re doing out here. He says they were “camping.” Jackhole Steve says that DDD’s version of camping is a federal offense. Hot Larry says that DDD’s a felon and he could be arrested. DDD gets snippy with Jackhole Steve, saying “What about the offense against nature you perpetrate?” Jackhole Steve says thay they obey the law but DDD tells him that his logging crew has been taking marked trees. Hot Larry is not pleased by this information. Jackhole Steve claims ignorance asks if they’re all going to believe DDD over him. Nobody answers and he goes to leave. “You don’t want to go out in the night. Take my word on that. It’s out there,” DDD tells him. Jackhole Steve isn’t buying it. “Something’s going to attack me, eat me alive and spin me in it’s web?” DDD’s like, “That’s what I’ve been saying, numbnuts.” Jackhole Steve cracks, “what, it’s too polite to come in here and get me?” Good God, would you just hurry up and die already? DDD tells him that “it’s afraid of the light.” Hot Larry tries to get Jackhole Steve to listen but he’s a stubborn jackhole. So no doing. “I think this man is a liar and a murderer and just clever enough to make up a story like that. Even whip up that cocoon just to save a few trees and I’m going to prove I’m right.” He walks out and starts shouting. “I thought it was going to come and, uh, devour me! Hey! Here I am! Come out, come out wherever you! Aw, don’t be shy!” As Mulder and Scully look on, Scully contemplates quitting the FBI and becoming a spokesperson for the Ab Roller. The camera pans across as we see those neon green static bugs crawling all over the darkened side of a tree. Jackhole Steve goes back inside the cabin, huffing and puffing. I think he wants to blow the house down, yo. Scully asks Mulder what he thinks. Mulder leans into her personal space. “I think I’m going to suggest that we sleep with the lights on.” Scully grins. “Ooh. You know how I like it with the lights on.”
Forest. It’s the next morning and our heroes have made it through the night alive. The gang all heads out into the woods to investigate. DDD shows them a massive tree with an orange X painted on it that’s been cut down. DDD is pissed that it was cut down. Hot Larry says that the FFS marks the trees and the loggers are only supposed to cut the trees that have a blue X painted on them. Mulder points out that the tree must be hundreds of years old and Scully posits that a huge tree like that would supply a whole lot of lumber. “Thousands of boards. Hell of a lot easier than taking a lot of smaller, younger trees,” DDD snits. Jackhole Steve says that “monkey wrenchers” probably go around marking the trees. I seriously am about to kick the TV in. Hot Larry tells Jackhole Steve that the cut down tree has to be at least 500 years old. Mulder spots a green ring inside the tree trunk.” What would this represent?” Hot Larry has no idea. Yo, Exposition? Don’t even think about sneaking out. You’ve got some work to do. “Shut it.” Don’t get snitty with me, mister. You came over voluntarily. Scully posits that the center rings are the the older rings. Then Hot Larry gets to ride Exposition’s train and says that each ring is a season of growth, “these are 500, 600 years old. They’re a recorded history of rainfall and climate.” But he has never seen that green ring before. He takes a core sample. Isn’t that Scully’s job? Back off, Park Ranger. Jackhole Steve starts getting pissy and he remarks that he has no idea how tree rings can tell them what happened to the loggers. Scully’s lke, “That’s what we’re trying to figure out.” He thinks they should be interrogating DDD. Ok, how could DDD have killed all 30 of those loggers and then make them disappear? Use your brain, Jackhole. Mulder, who actually uses his brain, doesn’t think DDD had anything to do with it. Jackhole wants him arrested. Mulder tells him that DDD ain’t going anywhere. Jackhole wants to know what’s going to happen when DDD’s buddies show up and they all disappear, too. Hot Larry’s like, “Calm down, Jackhole. I’m just taking a core sample.” Jackhole says that those loggers’ families want answers and those answers can’t be found in some stupid tree! Why is it taking him so long to die? “Only crime we’re here to investigate is the death of that tree,” DDD snarks. Actually, I beg to differ. I think there’s another crime that should be investigated: what Scully’s wearing. An egregiously large denim button down shirt and that tiny black vest? Good Lord. It’s an outrage. I guess Scully’s into the GA pregnancy wardrobe and it isn’t doing her any favors. Jackhole says he’s going down to Hot Larry’s truck to call for some assistance. Then he stomps off like a big baby. Hot Larry calls after him but DDD’s like, “let him go. Nobody’s going to miss him anyways.” Exposition lies back down on the couch, mumbling under his breath. Dude, at least this isn’t a Season 9 episode. You should be thankful.
Logger Camp. Hot Larry is looking at his core sample through a microscope and sees that there’s something living in the ring. “A tiny bug. It doesn’t make sense.” Scully checks out the sample and we get a shot of tiny mites crawling in the sample. Ew. Hot Larry says that parasites only attack the living parts of a tree, not the inner rings that have been dead for hundreds of years. Mulder guesses that maybe these bugs are feeding on the wood. Hot Larry checks out the microscope again and says that they’re a “wood mite of some kind” and he’s never seen them before. Mulder wonders if these bugs could’ve been living in the tree for hundreds of years. This doesn’t make sense to Hot Larry since the wood is dead and the mites would need water to survive. Scully says that maybe there’s a larger nest back at the tree. DDD walks in and asks if those bugs could make a cocoon. Then he comments that his buddy died and the loggers went missing soon after that tree was cut down. “Maybe they been lying there dormant for hundreds of years. Maybe they woke up hungry.”
Forest. Speaking of hungry, guess who’s coming for dinner? Why, it’s Jackhole and I’ve been looking forward to this scene since he graced us with his presence. He’s reached the truck, but he can’t find a key and so he tries to hot wire it. It’s not working, so he takes his flashlight and starts checking under the hood. He then hears a static humming. He grabs his shotgun and starts yelling for the “monkey wrenchers” to come on out and he knows what they’re up to. Mark Snow hits us with “When Green Static Attacks! (Die, Jackhole, Die!)” as those ancient mites swarm. Jackhole freaks and jumps into the car. He shuts the doors and then finally gets the engine to start. The truck is stuck but once he gets it going, he drives into a big rock. Too bad, so sad. The green static bugs swarm the car, coming in through the ventiliation. Jackhole starts screaming. Ew. I hate the bugs, people. It was nice knowing you, Jackhole. Well, actually it wasn’t. Bye bye!
Logger Camp. Scully’s still studying the mites through the microscope. Hot Larry says that Jackhole should’ve been back by now. Why do you even care, Hot Larry? He’s gone. You should be celebrating. Scully tells them that the bugs aren’t moving anymore, so they must either be dead or asleep. DDD says that they don’t like the light. Scully thinks that’s weird since bugs usually are attracted to light. DDD’s like, “haven’t we already established that these bugs are not what we’d call ‘normal’?” Mulder’s walking around and finds more of that greasy film on surfaces around the cabin. Mulder asks Scully what she knows about insects. I have to slap Exposition awake. “Just what I learned in my biology courses. That they’re the foundation of our ecosystem. That there’s lots of them, something like 200 million per person on this planet.” Scully also says that insects have been around since before the dinosaurs. Mulder points out that the tree is around 5-700 years old “and these rings represent a history of climatic changes, which means that in this year or season in the life of the tree, there was some kind of strange event that produced an abnormal ring.” Mulder then says that it could’ve been a volcanic eruption and that the “whole chain of mountains running from Washington to Oregon is still extremely active. Remember Mt. St. Helens?” Scully wants to know how that explains the bugs. Exposition groans some more. Get a grip, yo. This is your job. You should be grateful that this isn’t a mytharc ep. Mulder posits that when Mt. St. Helens erupted, tons of radiation seeped into the earth and strange things grew. Like “a kind of amoeba that can literally suck a man’s brains out.” Scully rolls her eyes, “Oh, a brain-sucking amoeba.” Love. Her. DDD cuts in, “no, it’s true. Spirit Lake. And there’s documented cases of swimmers being infected.” Remind me not to go swimming at Spirit Lake. Oh, I have heard of this brain-sucking amoeba. Several youths died from swimming in the man-made lakes in Arizona recently because of something like that. There is no cure. Basically once it gets in, you’re a goner. Yuck. There’s too much bug stuff in this episode. Ok, where were we Exposition? “But an amoeba is a single-celled organism. It can be mutated. An insect is a complex animal. It would take years and years to evolve,” Scully says. Mulder and Scully then come to the conclusion that when the loggers cut down that tree, the ancient insect larvae was freed to cut loose on humanity. DDD calls it “poetic justice,” that the loggers would cause their own deaths and even Jackhole’s. “And who knows? Maybe [ours]. Sweet dreams.” Dude, you’re annoying me too. Is your death scene coming up soon? Hot Larry tries to keep positive by saying that maybe Jackhole just “hiked out of here.”
Next Morning. DDD sneaks out to the generator and grabs the gas can. Mulder catches him and accuses him of trying to cut and run. DDD tells Mulder his sob story about his friends he left behind at his camp and how they need the gas for their generator. Mulder wants to know why DDD has to sneak around. He says that Hot Larry would never trust him. Mulder’s like, “well why should we trust you?” DDD says that he can be their savior. He’ll come back the next morning with a jeep and get them all out of there. He asks Mulder to trust him. Some time later, Mulder’s trying to fix the radio. He gets it to turn on but all he gets is static. Don’t worry, though! It’s not green static. Regular static. Mulder then announces that the “radio is back up.” Scully runs in the room, hoping Mulder meant that it actually works. It’s only the static however, but Scully aks if they could send a message. Mulder says he’ll try. He sends out a call for help, informing whoever of their “emergency and possible quarantine situation.” He’s about to give their position when the generator goes out. Mulder and Scully go outside and find that Hot Larry turned it off. Mulder wants him to turn it back on because he got the radio to work. Sort of. Hot Larry then asks about the missing gas can and Mulder tells him that DDD took it and promised he’d come back for them in the morning. Hot Larry thinks DDD’s “personal guarantee” doesn’t amount to jack squat. He reminds Mulder of DDD’s sabotage skills, his defiance of authority and the fact that he probably was the one who put a bullet through the truck’s windshield. Mulder gets defensive and says that they’ve been given one more chance at getting out of there. “Or one less,” Hot Larry replies. He tells Scully that “[Mulder] let [DDD] leave with the last of the gas. This generator’s got about a quarter tank left, maybe less.” Scully asks about the gas in the trucks and Mulder tells her that the tanks are busted. Ok, this is getting boring. Let’s speed this up, shall we? Hot Larry basically busts Mulder’s balls about trusting DDD and Scully thinks they should send out a mayday. Hot Larry doesn’t want to waste fuel because they need to get through the night.
Cabin. Mulder walks in and sits down, groaning. He knows he made a bad decision. Scully walks in and shuts the door.”Mulder…” Somebody’s in trouble [/sing song voice]. Mulder doesn’t want to hear it and just wants to move past his mistake. Scully wants to know if he’s got any ideas. “We’ll think of something,” he says. Scully tells him that they probably know what it was that killed those loggers and the 1934 group. Mulder tells her that they only found one cocoon. Scully’s like, “Dude. It’s a pretty big forest.” Mulder asks Scully what she would’ve done and then he immediately regrets it. “You mean, would I have made a decision by myself that would have affected the whole group?” Mulder gets all up in Scully’s grill and tells her to “cut the sanctimonious crap.” Scully is not too pleased by Mulder’s choice of words and the anger dimples come out in full force. “Well, what do you want me to say? Let’s face it, Mulder, we might die up here! If we’re lucky, they’ll find our bodies spun up in a tree or they may not find us at all!” See, you two? Isn’t this better than all the smiling? Mulder agrees with her and doesn’t want to argue about it. Mulder walks over to the window. She gazes at him for a minute before approaching him. “What are you going to do?” she asks. He tells her that he’s going to do everything possible to make sure the bugs stay outside.
Later, Mulder’s boarding up the walls and stuff. Scully’s screwing in a lightbulb and as Hot Larry walks by carrying supplies, he tells her to “be careful with that. It’s the only bulb that works.” Yeah, no pressure there Scully. It’s now night and the generator’s having a rough time. Although not as rough as the gang inside the cabin. Hot Larry’s sitting on a bed, Mulder and Scully are laying in cots. They’re all staring at the lightbulb. Scully looks over at a dark corner and sees the green static bugs crawling all over. “I can see them. You guys, look at this.” She gets and walks towards the corner. No, Scully! Don’t go near the bugs! Stay in your cot! She ignores me. Oh, boy. The guys follow her over and they watch the green static mites. As Scully is covered by a shadow, either her own or one of the guys, she can see the green static mites crawling all over her hand and arm. EW! OMG, I can’t look! Scully has a major freak-out. As would I. In fact, I’d probably piss myself and then pass out. Scully’s screaming and flailing her arms around. “Get them off me! Mulder!” Then she bumps the lightbulb and Hot Larry almost has a heart attack. Mulder grabs Scully and holds her arms. He tells her to stand still and then tries to talk some sense into her. He tells her that the bugs are everywhere and that’s what the greasy film is that’s all over everything. “I thought we were supposed to be safe in the light!”, Scully spazzes. Mulder’s like, “Bitch, will you calm down?! Are you being devoured alive? No, I didn’t think so. You’re safe in the light!”
Even later, the green static mites are still having a party in the corner and Scully has apparently taken some Prozac. Mulder sits next to her on a cot. They are sitting really close. He asks her how she’s doing. She says she’s ok. They sit together and watch as the mites form a conga line and make some margeritas. Mulder and Scully then get their foreplay on with the hushed voices and close-talking. “They’re oxidizing enzymes. Just like fireflies. Maybe that’s why they cocoon their prey… so they can oxidize the proteins taken from the fluids in the body,” Scully says. The light flickers off and on. “What if the generator goes? Are they all going to swarm in here and drain the life out of us?” Scully asks. Mulder tells her that sunrise is in an hour and a half. Scully wonders what they’re going to do in the morning. It’s over a day’s hike out of the forest and they won’t make it out before nightfall. Mulder hopes that someone heard their message. “You sent that call hours ago. I mean, help would have been here by now.” True, but what if help was there? They’d be getting swarmed by the green static mites and then what good could they do? Mulder says that he’s not going to give upon DDD but they’ll think of something if he doesn’t come back. As the generator dies, the sun comes up.
Outside the cabin, Mulder and Hot Larry are checking the tires on the truck. Mulder thinks they can patch the tire and then “limp down the mountain.” He says they at least should try and radio out to people what the situation is. The gang hikes down the mountain. They find the truck and hey! Look who it is. Jackhole Steve, semi-cocooned inside, with his face staring out the window, frozen in horror. The gang then sees DDD’s jeep heading for them. DDD stops and the three of them jump in. He tells them that his friends didn’t make it and they need to “haul ass” if they’re going to. They speed along until they hit some of the caltrops laid by those ecoterrorists. DDD goes outside to check it out and is clearly frustrated. A familiar humming gets louder as Mark Snow takes it home with “Green Static Army (Rolling Along And Sucking Your Fluids)”. DDD freaks out and he’s swarmed. Adios, Porn-Stache. But what about our heroes?! The mites swarm the jeep and flood the inside. There’s screaming and flailing and really gross crunching ang juicing sounds. Ewwwwwwwww. OMG. EW!!! Exposition, hold me! That was nasty. Oh, no! I can’t remember if Hot Larry dies or not! I hope he’s ok.
Sidebar: It is a really good thing that I didn’t watch The X-Files Season 1 when it first aired. Because my family were campers. And every summer we’d drive up to the Adirondack Mountains and camp for a week. And I don’t mean stay in a cabin. We slept outside, in tents. And if I had seen this episode back then, I don’t think I would’ve made it through those vacations. Insects gave me nightmares enough, without adding this episode to the mix. I’m going to take this opportunity to share with you my personal story of watching The X-Files for the first time. It was 1995, I was 12 yrs old and the episode was Irresistible. No lie. ["Relax. My first episode was Lord of the Flies. At least you didn't have to put up with bugs and bad jokes. And before someone points out how noobish that is to admit, I was three years old when the show started." - Raceguy] My parents watched the show sometimes, but I had been more of a TGIF kinda girl. But one night it was reruns or something so I decided to watch The X-Files. And Donnie Pfaster came into my life. Since then, through the years, I would have this recurring nightmare where a man comes into my house in the middle of the night, kills my family and then chases me around the neighborhood. That man? Donnie Pfaster. I haven’t had the dream in a couple years, but it’s always the same. I’m always in my childhood home, even though I haven’t lived there in 9 years, and being chased by Donnie Pfaster. It’s absolutely terrifying every time. So, that episode kept me away from The X-Files for a long while. Wanna know the second episode I saw? Home. ["Improbable. I win again." - Raceguy] Yeah. But I loved it. I was a bit older and the inbred stuff, while gross, didn’t really bother me. But the scene where the Sheriff and his wife are killed disturbed me at such a level, that to this day I can’t watch that scene. I skip it every time. Ok, where were we?
Morning. Helicopters and quarantine people arrive. They find the jeep where our heroes are cocooned. OH NO! They’re dead! How can this be? I thought Mulder was supposed to die from autoerotic asphyxiation? Wait, we don’t find that out until later. So, they’ll be fine. Oh, look! Scully’s moving.
High Containment Facility, Winthrop, Washington. We see containment vents, with white and clear plastic everywhere. People walking around in quarantine gear, all dressed in white and it all basically looks like that scene from ET where Elliot and ET are kept in those plastic playpens and I can’t really watch that movie because of it. That scene scared the crap out of me as a kid. It just bothered me and so now I can’t really watch ET. Wow. I’m recapping all my childhood traumas tonight, aren’t I? Hey, it’s Hot Larry! I’m glad he made it. He’s lying in a bed, being cared for. Same with Scully. Mulder approaches Scully’s bedside, looking like he’s had some serious chemical burns. He’s all in white, including a white doo rag, and he’s got oxygen hooked up to his nose. The doctor, I’m guessing, asks Mulder how he’s doing. Mulder says that he’s better and asks about the test results. “Your respiratory charts were good. We’re more concerned with the extent of damage due to inhalation. There were large concentrations of the chemical determined as Luciferene… The same enzymes we find in fireflies and other bioluminescent insects. Our entomologists are still trying to determine the specific epithet of the insects you encountered.” Mulder asks about Scully and the doctor tells him that she’s lost a lot of fluids and that two or three more hours of exposure, she wouldn’t have made it. “I told her it was going to be a nice trip to the forest,” Mulder says sadly. You owe her big time, Mulder. Like, a feet-rubbing-dinner-cooking-hot-night-of-loving kind of debt. And one lonely night six years from now, she will call you over to collect said debt. And you better deliver! Anyways, Mulder asks how the situation will be contained and “what if the swarm migrates?” The doctor tells him that the government is using controlled burns and pesticides, and they’re certain of success. “And if they’re not?” Mulder asks. The doctor tells him “that is not an option.” In a rare moment, Mulder looks skeptical and then we fade out.
Recap by Bolissa